Stand Your Ground
I really don’t like changing my phone number because it’s such a chore trying to let everyone know that there are seven new digits to call if they want to reach me. But recently, it became very clear that the guy I met at a Christian singles conference a little while ago had some real issues.
I told you about Evan.
When I first met him, he was dressed to the nines, handsome, funny, charming, and everything. My friends from church felt like I needed to stop being a prude and give the guy a try. So I reluctantly gave him my number, which turned out to be a big mistake. Evan sent me a shirtless picture and asked if he could come over at almost midnight just a few days after he met me, so I knew his mind was only on one thing.
I told “Mr. Abs,” who was more than happy to flash his six-pack in front of the mirror, to get lost. And that was the end of that. You can feel free to read the whole story here in case you missed it.
I thought I was completely rid of him until a couple weeks ago when I received a two-word text message that said, “Remember me?” When I saw the question on my iPhone screen, I didn’t recognize the number from which it came because I had deleted his information.
I quickly texted back, “Who is this?”
He hit me back with, “Evan.”
As soon as I saw those four letters, I got a flashback. I rolled my eyes and didn’t reply, but he didn’t take the hint apparently. This guy started sending me a barrage of long messages professing his love for God and saying I must have gotten “the wrong impression of him” before. "I'm not some kind of "sleazy jerk" he claimed.
One of the lines from the billion texts Evan fired off said, “God is first in my life, but we all have needs right? Some of those needs are sexual, but that doesn’t mean my faith isn’t important to me.”
Um, what?
When I read that compromising justification for fornication, I was even more turned off than before. I resented the fact that this man was trying to make a strong case for propositioning me to commit sexual sin. He even asked me to send him a picture of me, while sending a link to a song by Taio Cruz called "Dirty Picture" featuring some singer named Ke$ha.
This boy had lost his whole entire mind!
I almost sent a message back to him letting him have it. But then I thought about it. I had already told him I wasn’t that kind of woman. I asked him before not to contact me anymore. I firmly stood my ground and remained silent. But I was wondering, "Why was Evan still trying me?"
Over the next several days, his messages became more graphic in nature and he sent more images of him in just underwear and such. After receiving a flood of inappropriate messages I started deleting everything sent from his number without opening it up. I refused to give him one more minute of my time by allowing him to take up space in my mind.
Finally, when it occurred to me that he was just not going to stop, I had my number changed. I'd had it up to here! I was tired of the foolishness. Getting a new number was an inconvenience, but the experience taught me a great lesson. Aside from being reminded of how important it is to be discriminating about the men I give access into my world, I thought about something else.
Fellas who are not serious about living holy are not just outside the church, but they are also inside the four walls of the church. Some are married; others are single. Some are in the pulpit; others are in the pews.
They look the part, dress the part, and even sound the part… for a while. But then, their true colors eventually come shining through. And if we as single women aren’t careful, committed, and consistent when it comes to keeping ourselves holy, we will be beguiled just like Eve was by the serpent in the Garden of Eden in Genesis 3:13. Their slick tongues and conniving ways will have us caught up, and as I always say, I refuse to go down that path again.
I know what it's like to be wanted for my body but not truly loved or respected and I'm sure someone reading this knows that horrible feeling very well too.
And you can agree that if we aren't serious about fighting for our purity, integrity, dignity, and salvation, by standing our ground, we will bow down, yield to temptation, and eat of the forbidden fruit.
From experience, I can tell you, it isn’t worth it.
Pleasure for a moment can lead to heartache for a lifetime. So do whatever you need to do to remain pure. Change your number if you have to. Cut off some people’s access. Ditch some old friends that aren't any good for you. Do whatever it takes to position yourself for a lifestyle of holiness.
This will help ensure that you don’t mistake a “fling” for the “real thing," or fall back into an old pattern God has delivered you from. '
Standing your ground will ensure that you are standing in the right position to receive the right man God has for you when the time comes.
So tell me, how have you had to stand your ground in the past? What are some of the things you do not to get caught up with men who have charming words but deceitful hearts?
10 Comments
Reader Comments (10)
I learned this lesson the hard way a few years ago and after that last time, I had to ask God what was in ME that kept allowing me to get caught up? And He answered. What he showed me was that I hadn't learned how to cut off the seducing spirit at the verbal level. He took me to Genesis 3 and showed me how Eve got caught up. (I even wrote about it). See, a seducing spirit always starts at the verbal level and if you don't cut it off there, it will move to the visual level and then finally the physical level. And the object you're being seduced by doesn't always have to be sex. It can be money, power, fame, attention, etc. The very thing you THINK you're missing is the very thing satan will use to seduce you. I thought I was missing attention so this guy was showing me a lot of attention! That was a road I dare not ever travel down again.
It's so important for us to become whole and complete in God! I do have a friend now and when I tell you that this man is holy, he is holy! I was all ready to put my policies in place but I haven't had to. He governs himself and a truly Godly man will do just that--govern himself. Both of us love God more than we love each other and pleasing and honoring Him are far more important. We both agreed that our first kiss will be at that altar. Sometimes I look at him and I really want to kiss him but I don't. I just simply say "I'm saving it for the altar." My lips have not so much as even graced his cheeks and his haven't graced mine. Now this is huge because I REALLY enjoy kissing. But I know where kissing can lead ME to and I don't even want to have to fight that battle. And, I can truly say that doing this GOD' S way is so gratifying! Hallelujah!
I love your column!!!!! You have helped me so much that I can't even put it into words. I have a promiscuous history. I was abused as a young girl by a close relative and I just went crazy wild in my teens and having premarital sex with any and everyone. I didn't value myself and didn't realize that I was under a spirit of perversion. So every relationship I got involved in was based on sex not love. I would give up the goods on the first and second date and wonder why the men I attracted were all dogs. When I became saved three years ago it was very challenging not to have sex. I have slipped up. I am not going to lie or front with you but God is helping me to do better. A part of what I had to do was to avoid these compromising men you talked about who want nothing but one thing because I can not give the devil an opportunity to seduce me in a area that I am already weak in. I am learning that more and more every single day.
I have never come across Chrsitian singles articles as real and open as yours Ashley. You open your heart up in so many ways that have given me courage to confront my fears and issues and I just want to say thank you. Please keep doing what your doing.
God has used you again my sister! I have fallen victim to a few men who I thought really loved God. They actually just loved women and trapping them. I learned my lesson from the school of hard nocks. Never again!
@Tamara, thank you for sharing your story to an already AWESOME article! I love your column Ashley ~ keep up the good work!
This article has been such a confirmation to me. God is speaking through this to me. Thank you Lord and thank you writer for your obedience.
Amen Carla! This was SO on point!
"I know what it's like to be wanted for my body but not truly loved or respected and I'm sure someone reading this knows that horrible feeling very well too." << *Raises hand*
Nowadays, to keep myself pure, avoiding toxic distractions, I keep my focus on my son and bettering my relationship with Christ. I no longer want to disappoint Him, because He has been better to me than anyone else could ever be or ever was. People think that I am joking when I say that I'm no longer seeking a mate for love, but I am not. Once I took notice of Jesus' love, I began to feel that it is all I need (just me). In due time, if God has other plans, they will be revealed, to all of us true, Christian singles. And when that true man of God comes, we will know, without a doubt, that He is Heaven sent. :)
Until then, no compromising.
Ashley, this is a powerful ministry. Keep up the God ordained work.
Virgin Pride Abstinence Foundation
Founder
Sister, you are preaching for real!!! I love how you are not yielding to the temptations and the advances of this guy!! It is really wonderful to see other young women not fall for the okey doke. I read several of your posts and they are so edifying, encouraging, and they lifted my Spirit!!! It's a beautiful thing to see other young sisters stand up for HOLINESS!!! Thank you!!