NO SEX: Purity Is Possible with God's Help
We were all rushing through New York City’s LaGuardia airport so we wouldn’t miss our connecting flight to a ministry conference. There was a group of five women traveling from our church to get information on effective singles ministry techniques. After the conference, we would have to share what we learned, distribute the materials, and apply the best methods locally. I was very excited about going and attending a workshop on “Being Saved and Single in a Secular Society,” but I was also sort of nervous.
It was only my third time flying and I’m not a big fan of airplanes, especially because my very first flight two years ago turned out to be extremely turbulent. On my way to a family event, the plane ride was so bumpy, a few people were actually screaming out in fear, which didn’t make a good impression on me. Ever since that time, I have to do a lot of praying and bracing myself for flights. Truthfully, I avoid them. If I can get there driving, I will hit the road before flying the friendly or not-so-friendly skies.
Once boarded, I strapped myself in and closed my eyes. I was trying not to think about anything. Then a woman said, “Excuse me ma’am, I think I’m next to you.” So I quickly unlatched myself and got up so she could get over to the window seat. When the kind-looking woman settled herself, she made the usual small talk and then reached down into her laptop bag and pulled out some paper and a book. In the process, she lost her grip and dropped what was in her hand.
Papers flew everywhere.
As I helped gather them up, I noticed a sheet just like the one I had. It was the workshop schedule and itinerary. We were headed to the same place!
“I’m on my way to this same conference,” I told her smiling. Immediately, we felt connected, which opened up a dialogue about singleness.
The woman whose name I learned was Estelle told me she was hoping to discover ways to remain abstinent because she and her boyfriend of 4 years had just recommitted their lives to God a few months earlier. They have been abstaining and neither of them wants to have sex until marriage.
“Wow, that’s great!” I told her, thinking about what a wonderful blessing it is to have a mate who is willing to wait. Estelle shared her story about how the two of them met, all they have been through together, and how God transformed their lives. “He has been so good about it,” she smiled. “I never thought we would be living an abstinent lifestyle, but our relationship is stronger and better for it.”
After listening to this stranger who seemed more like a long lost friend, I felt encouraged and inspired, especially because so many people in our society say men are not willing to wait until marriage for sex. A May 2012 article in Ebony Magazine asserted that, “…finding a Christian man who is actually willing to wait may be easier onscreen,” insinuating that it’s more likely to happen in the movies. Quoting statistics from Relevant Magazine that said as many as 80 percent of young unmarried Christians, between 18-30, have had sex, Ebony painted a bleak picture of the possibility of abstaining from fornication.
But as one who knows what it’s like to go from having frequent premarital sexual relations to a lifestyle of celibacy, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I know it’s possible. No statistics can overcome the power of my personal testimony, or the testimony of many others like Estelle and her partner, who are holding on and holding out.
I know meeting this woman with a pure passion and zeal for Christ was a moment divinely orchestrated by God. She affirmed for me and by extension, you, that there are women and men of God out here willing to be led by spiritual conviction and not fleshly temptation.
Our discussion also confirms that it is not far-fetched, implausible, nor impossible to expect to have a relationship with a God-fearing, God-serving, God-honoring man, ready and eager to do things the Father’s way.
So be encouraged in your singleness right where you are today.
If you are single, saved, and struggling to remain pure, God is able to empower you. If you are in a committed relationship and desire to abstain from sex before marriage, God will give the both of you strength to remain holy.
No matter what secular society says, remember the words Jesus spoke in Matthew 19:26 NLT. He said, "Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible."
Purity is possible in your life and mine through Christ who strengthens us.
5 Comments
Reader Comments (5)
it is soooo hard, i am TRYING to love GOD more than anything, but honestly sometimes loving GOD is HARD esp when life is difficult. So He is asking me to lay down my flesh and the truth is He may never provide a husband to go along with those desires and i have to LOVE HIM anyway, it gets HARD. Its easy to love GOD when you got everything and things are going your way, but what about when you lose or have to abstain because of past mistakes or for the sake of someone else. its not so EASY. I can do anything i said if i had the right motivation or if i loved someone enough. i think my problem is that i dont love HIM enough. I'll give my LAST dime to some fool who will leave me high and dry but when GOD asks me for sacrifice it is so HARD sometimes. i mean what if i never get married i have to believe GOD will be enough im telling you that is REALLY HARD for me!! im like i'll take fries with that. But when theres no FRIES how am i gonna COPE!. pray for me.
Pat - I'll start by saying that it is not you but God's grace that will be able to help you maintain celibacy. Before I recommitted my life to Christ a few short months ago, I was actively having sex. I am not married. Once the Holy Spirit started dealing with me about coming back to God, I could not even enjoy the sex. It wasnt the man or the technique (if I can be so bold), but it was the Holy Spirit convicting me. I knew I wasnt doing what was pleasing to God and I had to choose if this sin was worth me being eternally separated from Him. It made the choice very easy. I would be lying if I said that I am okay if I never have sex again, especially since I would like more children. What I learned was to ask God to exchange my own desires for His desires for me. In Hebrews 8:10-12, it states that God will write His laws on your mind and heart. Also, it says in Psalms 37:4 that if you delight in Him (take pleasure in serving Him) then He will give you the desires of your heart. If you have truly repented and have made Jesus your Lord and Savior and are committed to renewing your mind daily with the Word, then you can trust your heart. If your heart desires to be a wife, then know that He gave you that desire and what He starts, He will complete! He will give you the grace to obey His commandments. But you do have a part to play. In James 4:7, it says to "Submit to the will of God. Resist the devil and he will flee." So, with any temptation to sin, you must go back to the Word, confess the Word and resist. The devil will have no choice but to leave you alone and God will give you peace. You must also remove yourself from conversations and situations that make place for the devil to come in and tempt you. Surround yourself with other Christians who are on the same path. Life can be hard, but He promises that your hope will not be put to shame. We have a High Priest in Jesus who can relate to all of our temptations and emotions. Talk to Him just as free as if He was a good girlfriend. Take it one day at a time and remember to get in the Word daily. Great Word, great power! Little Word, little power! No Word, no power! God Bless you!!!! - Your sister in Christ
Thanks for sharing. I'm a divorced believer and I had struggled with dabbling with sex toys in my alone times. I have done three fast this year and surrendered my entire will to Christ because I was tired of how things were going in my life. However, I wasn't fasting to be free of fornication, I was fasting about something else. It was during my 2nd fast for 17 days that I was led to repentance and set free from the lies of the enemy about fornication and masturbation. The wrong I had been doing was sitting in my face with conviction. I wept about this and told God that I don't know how to stop and at that moment I knew God had done a work in me. I was freed from fornication, worldly rap music, alcohol and partying. My life changed forever and the Holy Spirit will guide us into all truth if we spend time building our relationship with God. God does not want part of us, He desires all of us, He's so worth it when we get to know the truth. Once you are set free in this area you can finally begin to live and see that lie for what it is. Wait on the Lord, Wait! A beautiful life of truth awaits us on when we live life as it was intended for our Father.
Praise the lord and I'm so glad to have stumbled on your site.Tks so much for letting the lord use you to bless the lives of young single women like me.May he continue to strengthen u and give you the wisdom you need to continue this good work.I used to think i'm the only girl left who advocates for abstinence and some times feel like i'm the only one left who knows that fornication is a sin(lol) Cause by his grace i've been able keep myself a virgin n I'm 25.But it has not been easy.Like I said before, it has been by his grace so i should not brag. Sometimes i'm spiritual, all up there ( You know what i mean..the girl who doesn't looks at men twice, begin everything with praise the lord...lol) .Then at other times i'm like i should let this go. Why am i holding on to this, why am i torturing myself but at the end of the day i'm glad i didn't let go of it. I appreciate the advice you gave Tish cause that's exactly what i'm doing and have been doing. Especially when i'm watching a romantic movie and it kind of starting to get into me,i swish it off or change it( i know i'm going too details uh? lol).You know i get it when non christian men would want sex but you a believer man,who goes to church every single day..i feel like knocking them on the head and asking them what are they doing in church if they cannot understand that fornication is a sin.I'm just from calling off this relationship i had with this really cute,gentle character, christian man whom i was still growing in love with but he won't stop bugging me about sex.saying lets take the relationship to the next level.i thought i could change his mid set by pulling off some times from him,going to church more often with him or talking more about God.but as soon as church is over he'll not let me talk about God in our relationship.i was almost changing for him.i mean almost giving in to his request cause i was loving him already.but you know what,my head clicked and i was like he's not helping me go to heaven but he's about to pull me down and i won't let that happen.So i called it off. It was so hard but i hard to for my own soul and my heart. I'm still here,waiting for my heart desire which is a man who is God fearing in all aspects and won't ask for sex before marriage.God bless you.
Um, I must be in the 20%, because I'm between the ages of 18 and 30 and I'm still a virgin. I am twenty and I will remain a virgin until I'm married. I refuse to be part of a negative statistic! I'm standing up for purity by the power of the Holy Spirit! Period.
@Leah, You totally did the right thing! Stand up for what's right! And by the way, you are not the only one left who is advocating abstinence! ;)
"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed UNDEFILED; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." -Hebrews 13:4