Face the Facts: Deal with the Truth
Back when I was with my ex who cheated on me repeatedly, one day, when I was taking clothes out of the dryer, I found another pair of woman's underwear in the laundry. When I confronted him about it, do you know he tried to lie and say he bought them for me, but it was a surprise? The lacy things weren't even my size!
I let him have it and said a few choice words that I would not repeat now that my mouth has been sanctified. But after all that cussing, screaming, crying and threatening to leave him, you know what I did? I stayed right there and made up excuses for him. Shamefully, I even thought, maybe he did buy them for me. Maybe I am overreacting.
I wasn't ready to face the truth, even while holding some other lady's thongs in my hand.
My internal alarm was screaming, but I remained in that toxic atrocity I called a relationship. I rationalized his unacceptable behavior and came up with a list of reasons why it wasn't a good time to move on, though I promised myself I would someday.
I wasn't ready to face the facts because it was too painful, but that was one of the biggest mistake of my life, and one I don't want you to make. So let me give you an analogy to make this very plain.
Smack. Sigh. Snore.
Those are the three sounds you’ll hear in my bedroom when my alarm clock goes off in the morning, in that order. Whenever the loud blaring sound alerts me that it’s time to wake up, I hit snooze and drift right back to sleep.
Clearly, I am not a morning person. I don’t know why, but my bed always feels extra comfy when it’s time to get out of it at dawn. Even after throwing the covers back and forcing myself from beneath them, I drag around the house like a zombie with one eye open. It takes me a while to fully wake up.
Well, last week, I hit the snooze button one too many times and missed a highly important meeting that had been months in the making. I was so upset with myself! But it serves me right for ignoring my alarm and doing what I felt like doing, instead of what I should have been doing. I missed a big opportunity and learned a very valuable lesson, which applies to us single ladies.
We all have “alarms” in us that go off when something is wrong and before we’re about to go too far. We don’t just “fall into” sexual compromises, bad relationships, or I-know-better-than-that scenarios. At some point, the warning alarm sounds.
But the question is, do we listen or treat it like a physical alarm clock and hit "snooze" so we can do what we feel like doing anyway?
As the saying goes, "You snooze, you lose."
After smacking the alarm off once, then again and again, finally, it ends up being too late. Before we know it, we have gone too far. We're in too deep. We've crossed a boundary. We've overstepped that line we drew in the sand.
We say yes when we should say no; we get involved when we need to walk away; we give it another chance when we know we should break it off for good; we stay even after all signs say the relationship is doomed; we indulge in sinful, lustful pleasure instead of exercising restraint and holding off.
But ignoring alarms comes with a hefty price.
Sooner or later, it ends with us saying, “I shouldn't have ____________________. You fill in the blank.
But it doesn't have to be that way. God wants to help us so we won't make poor relationship decisions, or endure even poorer treatment. He loves us so much. We are His queens, daughters, and esteemed ladies of divine purpose and favor.
That's why when God sends a warning, we need to know He does it for a reason, and listen.
Going forward, I beg of you. Don't turn a blind eye or a deaf ear to the reality of things, no matter how ugly, unpleasant, or undesirable they may seem. Face the facts. Admit and deal with the truth, even when it hurts. God will help you through it.
And I promise, if you trust God's leading and learn to get up, get out, and get away from a person, place, or situation when He tells you to, your life will be so much better for it.
Take it from me.
Do you have trouble paying attention to and responding appropriately to the "alarms" that go off along your single journey? I love hearing from you so please share!
14 Comments
Reader Comments (14)
High five Ashley! Tell it like it is. Great article.
Girl, have you been living in my house!!?? I am in the process of getting out of a compromising situation. Thank you for sharing the truth and not being fake. Your realness is such a big help to me.
Before I changed my life with Gods help I let men do the same thing to me. I had to learn to love myself 1st before I could demand the love and respect I deserve. Thank God for deliverance and victory. I advise my friends to walk away even when its hard once they know. Staying longer only makes it harder to leave.
Wow yes i ended up in the ER because i just wouldnt listen to God what He was telling me was shocking and difficult to hear but when i ignored i ended up paying dearly. Losing. Let me tell you God will deal with u where it hurts i know many who got pregnant while for me that would b a blessing He knew id never learn so He hit my pocket book i dont listen i lose clients or jobs or worse it effects my family in a negative way. There are consequences to immorality which are not necessarily an std you may another consequence but it WILL b a consequence trust. Tired of this lesson
I always love your post, I enjoyed it.
Thankfully, I have no problems in my single walk! I am too happy alone to get "alarmed" by anything, anyone! Lol. Great post that I can once again relate to (directly).
I myself ignored the alarms in my previous relationship & it was no good for me. God stopped my income a couple times, my blessings were blocked but after I got out Wooooo!! My blessings were coming in so hard & fast I couldn't keep up with them! Listening to God produces the absolute best days of your life.
"After smacking the alarm off once, then again and again, finally, it ends up being too late. Before we know it, we have gone too far. We're in too deep. We've crossed a boundary. We've overstepped that line we drew in the sand." I nicknamed him "Big Sunset"...he was my up close and personal reality check of how a seductive spirit works. It was five years ago and because I ignored my warning signs and alarms sent by God, I ended up wanting to committ suicide. But I serve a mighty God who redeemed me, gave the strength to walk away and KEEP me away and who has redeemed my life from destruction.
We have to learn to stop ignoring them. For me, the root of me "explaining things away" was because I was enjoying the attention AKA not satisfied with being by myself, alone with God. But, no more!!! I love me some Jesus! :) There is SO much freedom in wholeness and crucifying the flesh.
Ashley you have just spoke to my heart and given me the courage i needed. This morning i asked God to give me strength to walk away from a man i dearly love but who hasnt been worth my while. And this article is just an answer to that prayer. I deserve a man who is good, faithful, has self control and fears God. Thank you for an inspiring piece.
Your post is an encouragement to me. I have now been divorced for 2 years after being married for 8 years, and have recently started dating. When I first married, I did everything the "right" way. God has restored me in every area after my husband left me for another woman. Even physically I have lost a lot of weight. I have been getting attention that I never experienced before. I started dating a guy who says he loves the Lord, he treats me very well, and he is intelligent. The problem is he keeps pressuring me to have sex. I set my boundaries and we havent had sex, but we go too far. I am compromising my relationship with God. I guess I am getting caught up in the feelings of acceptance, attention, and lust. I need to listen to the alarm and walk away before I fall. Thanks so much, I still have time to walk away.
@Tammy R.: If he loved the Lord, or you, he would not pressure you to do anything! He would be striving to walk this straight and narrow path, honoring God with his body. Get away from him, asap, before you end up falling and having to live with much regret. God will send you a mate with the same heart for Him that you have. *Blessed Day*
@ Lady, Thanks for the advice. You are right! I tried to rationalize things. But, after this week I felt so convicted. I feel an urgency to break this off. I refuse to go into the new year feeling pressured and fearful of falling.
absolutely, its hard you know to walk away from negative people and situations you know they are killing you but it takes energy to do what is required, faith to believe GOD will bring you through and strength because leaving sometimes can be even harder than staying you know, BROAD is the way to destruction sometimes its simply just EASIER to stay in your mess for a while then it will destroy you. so i learned a terrible lessons its better to trust GOD than princes.
Honey its 17 days into the new year 2013. And I still have to come back and re read this article!!! It is such the truth. Amen Amen and Amen again.