Sex Got You Tied Up? Discover Hidden Causes
Article By Ashley Peterson:: EEW Magazine Singles
I thought there would be soft music playing, roses and tenderness. I was sure we would grow closer, and eventually live happily ever after, once the deed was done.
I had heard my friends talk about sex with their men and it seemed so intriguing. I was ready, I thought. I was naïve is what I was.
My first time, aside from being extremely painful and unpleasant, disappointed me in every way imaginable. Not only did the actual act fall way below expectations, but the man (with a boy’s mentality) I gave my V-card over to, treated me differently afterward, and not in a good way.
I wasn’t ready for that.
When I said yes to his advances, although I wasn’t expecting us to get married right away or anything, I did assume it would make me special in his eyes. I would be his main girl, lavished with attention, told how beautiful I was, and be treated with dignity and respect.
Imagine how heartbroken I was when I discovered I had let him take away something I could never get back, that he didn’t even value.
Ugh! I felt like an idiot, like I had been used (which I had), taken advantage of, blah, blah, blah.
If you have ever been in the same boat, I don’t need to detail the emotional lows you go through. It hurts to think you are wanted, only to find out you got played.
After that debacle of a relationship, if you can even call it that, you would think I had learned my lesson. But I was young and searching for love, so I got back up, and laid down again with a different man, shocked when I got the same results.
What was wrong with me? I couldn’t answer that, so I tried to perfect my craft.
Can I just be honest?
I thought if I made the sex feel better for him, he would treat me better. I mean, that’s what the women living my kind of life said do: “Put it on him, girl.”
They gave me tricks and tips in their arsenal that were supposed to make him stay. But “good sex” cannot give a doggish-natured man good character.
In the end, I just ended up degrading myself and compromising for a man who was still going to do his dirt and play the field. That’s why I no longer pay that kind of advice any mind.
If I were aware of the fact, back then, that there was no way to satisfy a spiritual and emotional need with a physical act, I would have avoided some really regrettable sexual choices.
If I had resources like, The New A-list, a book I seriously recommend to women who want to be abstinent, I would have been much better off.
If someone could have explained to me that I suffered from feeling unwanted, partly because my own father wasn’t in the picture, I would have skipped all the sex with unworthy partners.
If I had a revelation that one of my mentors, Dianna Hobbs, once told me during a tearful heart-to-heart, I would have been okay. She said, “Sex was the physical exercise you used to try to exorcise spiritual demons.”
She was so right!
My toxic history, private pain and deep-seated troubles needed the healing hand of God, not the groping hand of a man. I was trying to work out something between the sheets that I needed to work out through prayer and seeking God.
Lots of women find themselves in similar predicaments. They don’t know they are on a path leading to heartbreak and self-destruction. They can’t see it. For a long time, neither could I.
Some ladies, like I did, actually think they are enjoying their wild and free lifestyle, like they are in control of it all. But they are not, just as I was not.
Their body, which is a temple, is being desecrated, defiled and devalued. They don't realize that no amount of sex will cure what ails the soul.
Don't make the same mistake in your life.
Be sure to really get in touch with what’s going on inside, so you can be whole and lead a God-honoring lifestyle. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
Your temple is sacred, special and should be cherished, not dogged out and dismissed.
In order to turn over a new leaf, you'll have to do what I did: dig deep into your history and see the reason behind your sexual attitudes and behaviors. It will do you all the good.
2 Comments
Reader Comments (2)
This post really spoke to me. I went through everything you wrote about. It's crazy how low you can get after something like that, but thank God we have grace and we can be healed through prayer.
Wow, wow, wow!! This was just for me Ashley! Thank you for being transparent. Good advice and so true.