I Am Not For Sale
This past week, I was one of the designated chaperones for a day out with some teenage girls our youth ministry mentors. We were given express instructions not to let the wild and free bunch with “raging hormones” out of our sight for too long.
So I tried to make sure I kept my group—6 girls—in line without being excruciatingly overbearing. I had no desire to be a killjoy and ruin the giggly and hyper girls’ fun day out at the mall. When I was their age, I wanted to enjoy myself too.
Well, one of the first stops was a store called “F.Y.E.” to check out some new music. With squeals, jumping, and lots of bizarre hand-fanning motions, they all combed through the Hip Hop section, gravitating to artists like Nicki Minaj, Lil’ Wayne and Kanye West.
“Oh my God I just love him!” one of the girls said, yanking a Rick Ross CD from the rack with a smitten look on her face. “When I get older, I’m gone marry a rapper so he can buy me red bottoms, nice cars and stuff,” she declared, slapping her girls high-five.
“Red bottoms” are shoes designed by Christian Louboutin that cost an arm and a leg, and are known for their signature red soles.
I shook my head and said, “Let’s go ladies. We won’t be buying any of that music.”
They groaned, but complied.
I didn’t say much else about their music choices beyond forbidding them to purchase it on my watch. But it bothered me to see such impressionable girls being sucked into the Hip Hop culture myth. This can and does cause many of them to value the stuff that a man can buy them and not focus on what is most valuable: character.
Hip Hop generates more than $10 billion per year and has transcended music, to become a lifestyle—a flamboyant, unrealistic one.
So during lunch, I struck up a conversation with the ladies as they enjoyed their meals from Taco Bell. I asked what their thoughts were on the glorification of sex, drugs, money, luxury, and partying in Hip Hop. I even questioned whether they thought bad relationship decisions could be tied to placing too much value on material things, and not enough on character.
My enquiries were met with lively answers.
A couple of them jokingly replied by reciting Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” lyrics to me: “I ain’t saying she a gold digger but she and messing with no broke…”
You know the rest.
One of the girls mentioned that young ladies at her school with drug-dealer boyfriends were considered “cool” because they were being picked up in sporty vehicles, wearing the latest styles, and being pampered by big time hustlers. It didn’t matter if everyone knew he was cheating on her, beating on her, or mistreating her in some other way. As long as her gear was “tight” and his jewels were sparkling, it was all good.
“Wow,” I said and probed a little deeper. “You don’t think that’s cool do you?”
Before she could answer, one of the young ladies said, “Hold up Ms. Ashley, no!” She then pointed to herself and continued, “I am not for sale. If a man wants to be with me, he is going to have to love God and treat me right.”
I snapped my finger and laughed. “Well, alright now!”
That was a great piece of wisdom coming from a teenager. I was happy to hear it too.
I would have loved to have that kind of conviction at her age. Had I, I’m sure I could have avoided a lot of bad relationships. Even though I was never consciously vain or seeking things to make me feel happy, I was wooed by some brothers’ flashy gifts, expensive dinners, and other fancy trinkets.
They drew me in by wining and dining me. I was too naïve to see what they were up to. Then, when I thought I was falling in love, that’s when the real person showed up. I have seen many times that no amount of money or possessions can compensate for character deficiencies.
Now that God has opened my eyes, I can truly say like the smart teen declared during our outing, “I am not for sale.”
The promise of the finer things in life is not enough to make me drop my defenses. I realize now, after being hurt and getting to know Jesus for myself, that the best things in life really are free. It doesn’t cost a dime to make me feel like a queen. The way a man values me is by demonstrating his love. That means he will respect me and treat me with dignity. Any nice gifts will be considered icing on the cake, not the whole cake.
As single ladies, we must never be for sale. We cannot get sucked into a cultural model that instructs us to look in a man’s pockets before we see into his heart with the help of the Lord, through discernment.
Being “for sale” doesn’t just mean giving our hearts away in exchange for physical gifts, though sadly, many women do. However, we can even “sell” ourselves short by settling for less than God’s best for our lives in exchange for companionship, a night out on the town, fulfillment of ungodly lusts, or the filling of some other void.
To be single, saved and satisfied is to be content where we are until such a time as God sees fit to bring a faithful, loyal, God-honoring, and woman-respecting man into our lives.
No promises, presents, or praises from a brother should ever cause us to sway from our convictions.
I am not for sale and neither are you, because we are now sold out for Christ.
4 Comments
Reader Comments (4)
Beautifully stated Ashley! I love reading your posts and the message behind it, even if it goes beyond social norms. It's so true that we need to first learn how to be single and satisfied. Even though it's super hard to be patient and wait for God's best for *me*, His blessings, freedom, protection, and peace are well worth it.
The key point I'm glad you made is that God will bring the best person He created just for us in His perfect timing without us having to actively find our mate. I know I'm guilty of trying to do things my way but thanks be to God for His mercy :) Many people feel that they have to search for their partner as opposed to working on themselves...
One of my favorite lines from this bk "God is your matchmaker" is that - "The enemy of God's best is not settling for something or someone bad, but what is good or good enough... not every good choice is God's choice, and the difference can radically affect the rest of your life." I pray that we all are strengthened by Jesus' love and remember that only He can fill whatever void we feel and heal any brokenness. Be blessed :)
Great post! This writing as well as the Holy Spirit baring witness is a confirmation to me. Last night I prayed that God would show me if I should stop talking to this nice young man. Again, he's nice, but there's something wrong about him and the relationship that I just can place my finger on; but I don't plan on sticking around to find out. I'll just trust the spirit of disernment. So, Sister Ashley, thank you! I have been sturggling with a void that I was filling up with him. I know that I need to be whole before I meet my husband; and not seek a man to fill my lonliness.
@ Nesha- You are doing the right thing by obeying the lead of the Holy Spirit. It's best to avoid getting attached to someone you have no business linking with- That will save you a lot of hurt and pain. God has been healing my wounds from taking a relationship to the next level when I should have worked on me. Getting over a good or nice person is not easy but thank God for His grace :) If it's God will for you to marry, He will reveal to you the perfect person just for you and you'll have perfect peace about the person .
Ashley, thank you so much for continuing to let the Lord use you! Every time I come on this site it is mainly to read your articles. They have blessed me and I know they will continue to encourage me as I struggle with my current situation. I completely agree that secular Hip Hop has had and continues to have many negative influences on many who embrace it, but I'd like to point out that the Hip Hop culture is more than music in general and more than secular music in particular.
There is actually a growing population of believers who embrace the Christian Hip Hop culture (music, dance, dj'ing, and graffiti, fashion). Christ is represented in every aspect of Hip Hop culture these days. Just check out people like Shai Linne, Andy Mineo, KB, Lecrae, Bizzle, Propaganda, DJ Promote, DJ Official, DJ Wade-O, Rapzilla, Merchline, etc. who are reppin' Christ in the Hip Hop culture.
The Lord met me, saved me, and showed me His influence in my culture as He does with so many! I don't want to take away from your main point in this article. We are not for sale! We have been bought with the blood of the Lamb! Since this is the case we should have a new outlook on life and our influences should be Christ centered. I just want to make sure that although the answers to our ultimate questions will never be met in the Hip Hop culture there are many who are pointing those in this culture to the Creator who is the answer so let's not be quick to wholly condemn it.