This past week, I was one of the designated chaperones for a day out with some teenage girls our youth ministry mentors. We were given express instructions not to let the wild and free bunch with “raging hormones” out of our sight for too long.
So I tried to make sure I kept my group—6 girls—in line without being excruciatingly overbearing. I had no desire to be a killjoy and ruin the giggly and hyper girls’ fun day out at the mall. When I was their age, I wanted to enjoy myself too.
Well, one of the first stops was a store called “F.Y.E.” to check out some new music. With squeals, jumping, and lots of bizarre hand-fanning motions, they all combed through the Hip Hop section, gravitating to artists like Nicki Minaj, Lil’ Wayne and Kanye West.
“Oh my God I just love him!” one of the girls said, yanking a Rick Ross CD from the rack with a smitten look on her face. “When I get older, I’m gone marry a rapper so he can buy me red bottoms, nice cars and stuff,” she declared, slapping her girls high-five.
“Red bottoms” are shoes designed by Christian Louboutin that cost an arm and a leg, and are known for their signature red soles.
I shook my head and said, “Let’s go ladies. We won’t be buying any of that music.”
They groaned, but complied.
I didn’t say much else about their music choices beyond forbidding them to purchase it on my watch. But it bothered me to see such impressionable girls being sucked into the Hip Hop culture myth. This can and does cause many of them to value the stuff that a man can buy them and not focus on what is most valuable: character.
Hip Hop generates more than $10 billion per year and has transcended music, to become a lifestyle—a flamboyant, unrealistic one.
So during lunch, I struck up a conversation with the ladies as they enjoyed their meals from Taco Bell. I asked what their thoughts were on the glorification of sex, drugs, money, luxury, and partying in Hip Hop. I even questioned whether they thought bad relationship decisions could be tied to placing too much value on material things, and not enough on character.
My enquiries were met with lively answers.
A couple of them jokingly replied by reciting Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” lyrics to me: “I ain’t saying she a gold digger but she and messing with no broke…”
You know the rest.
One of the girls mentioned that young ladies at her school with drug-dealer boyfriends were considered “cool” because they were being picked up in sporty vehicles, wearing the latest styles, and being pampered by big time hustlers. It didn’t matter if everyone knew he was cheating on her, beating on her, or mistreating her in some other way. As long as her gear was “tight” and his jewels were sparkling, it was all good.
“Wow,” I said and probed a little deeper. “You don’t think that’s cool do you?”
Before she could answer, one of the young ladies said, “Hold up Ms. Ashley, no!” She then pointed to herself and continued, “I am not for sale. If a man wants to be with me, he is going to have to love God and treat me right.”
I snapped my finger and laughed. “Well, alright now!”
That was a great piece of wisdom coming from a teenager. I was happy to hear it too.
I would have loved to have that kind of conviction at her age. Had I, I’m sure I could have avoided a lot of bad relationships. Even though I was never consciously vain or seeking things to make me feel happy, I was wooed by some brothers’ flashy gifts, expensive dinners, and other fancy trinkets.
They drew me in by wining and dining me. I was too naïve to see what they were up to. Then, when I thought I was falling in love, that’s when the real person showed up. I have seen many times that no amount of money or possessions can compensate for character deficiencies.
Now that God has opened my eyes, I can truly say like the smart teen declared during our outing, “I am not for sale.”
The promise of the finer things in life is not enough to make me drop my defenses. I realize now, after being hurt and getting to know Jesus for myself, that the best things in life really are free. It doesn’t cost a dime to make me feel like a queen. The way a man values me is by demonstrating his love. That means he will respect me and treat me with dignity. Any nice gifts will be considered icing on the cake, not the whole cake.
As single ladies, we must never be for sale. We cannot get sucked into a cultural model that instructs us to look in a man’s pockets before we see into his heart with the help of the Lord, through discernment.
Being “for sale” doesn’t just mean giving our hearts away in exchange for physical gifts, though sadly, many women do. However, we can even “sell” ourselves short by settling for less than God’s best for our lives in exchange for companionship, a night out on the town, fulfillment of ungodly lusts, or the filling of some other void.
To be single, saved and satisfied is to be content where we are until such a time as God sees fit to bring a faithful, loyal, God-honoring, and woman-respecting man into our lives.
No promises, presents, or praises from a brother should ever cause us to sway from our convictions.
I am not for sale and neither are you, because we are now sold out for Christ.