Your Mind is the Battlefield
It was totally unexpected.
I went to a cousin’s bridal shower and they began playing a mix CD full of romantic R &B music hits. Everyone was laughing, talking, eating, mingling and having a nice time. We were all relaxing in the private room of an upscale restaurant.
It was lovely.
But then that song came on—the one my ex and I loved so much—which immediately transported me back to that time.
Every single woman has a “that time” with an ex. And you can never predict what will trigger the specific memory that carries you away.
It could be a whiff of the cologne he wore; a movie the two of you enjoyed together; passing his favorite restaurant; your anniversary; the holiday season; hearing a phrase or joke he would always say; or nothing in particular.
And once that flashback comes back in full force it’s so vivid it seems real.
When I heard Usher’s “You Got It Bad,” I felt like I had been sucked into a time warp by the “Ghost of Anniversary Past.” The destination was a romantic celebration at our place with our song playing, candles lit, wine poured, rose petals scattered, dinner cooked and ambiance in full effect. We even watched the video together that night and vowed that we would be together forever.
Clearly, we all know how that turned out.
For women who had a “boo thang” or boyfriend they later married, those old memories aren’t a problem. In fact, they are welcomed as a way of inciting passion in the relationship.
But single sisters like me have to come against those thoughts quickly!
Though my ex and I are over like former couple Usher Raymond and Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas, also the stars of the You Got It Bad video, that doesn’t mean the enemy isn’t constantly waging a battle for my mind.
My saving grace that day was my aunt Regina calling my name. At first she sounded like a faraway echo. A sister was mentally gone! Then after about the third time I guess, I heard her clearly shout “Ashley!”
Embarrassed, I looked up and said, “Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts.”
She peered at me half disgusted, like I was high on something and said, “They told me to ask you to help with the gifts.”
I happily obliged, wanting to think about something—anything—other than that anniversary.
When I returned home that night I knew I needed to spend some time with God. So I kicked off my shoes, put my purse and keys down, and dropped to my knees on the side of my bed. The floor felt especially hard and cold that night, but I wasn’t getting up until I connected with God.
I told the Lord all about how I wanted to be free in my mind and how I wanted my thoughts to be submitted only to Him.
When I finished pouring my heart out, He poured back into me.
Feeling refreshed, I got up, turned on some Kari Jobe, made myself a warm cup of herbal tea, pulled out my journal, opened my Bible and began studying by the soft lamplight.
I turned to Romans 12:2 and read, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
As I wrote I knew God was giving me the words to jot down. My journal entry read:
“Even though God has saved you from sin, there is a constant battle for your mind. When thoughts and feelings contrary to God’s will come back, don’t fret. Resist them by giving them over to God and allowing Him to renew your mind day by day.”
Every day I wake up I seek God for strength, guidance and mind renewal.
I suggest the same thing to the single sisters with past soul ties and exes who had a real hold on them at one point in time.
The battle is ongoing, but you can win with God on your side.
The fact that there is a battle going on means you have some fight left in you, otherwise it wouldn't be a battle. When you stop resisting, you start succumbing, and that's when it's time to worry.
So don’t be afraid of the continuous mental and emotional struggle.
The word of God is your weapon; the spirit of God is your power; and the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6:11) is your defense and protection.
Keep fighting the good fight. Your mind is the battlefield, but the battle is already won through Christ!
Walk in His strength.
I sure am.
13 Comments
Reader Comments (13)
Thank you for this post! I am going to save it for myself and my friends to read if we ever have any weak moments. I don't normally comment on posts, but I wanted to let you know that I read everything you write. :) Be blessed!
God Bless you. I have been going through this exact same thing. Unfortunately I live across the street from my ex and have run into him and his new girl. It’s been so hard. I pray that God takes him out of my mind and my heart. Sometimes I just want us back together and other times I get disgusted by him. I can feel the battle, like really. I doubt my beauty, my strength, and my cognitive abilities at times and tie it to him. It hurts, so bad. I feel my heart literally breaking. My biggest fear is that everything he couldn’t do for me, he's doing for someone else...because of ME. I know it’s the enemy and I need to trust God. It’s just so hard, it was hard when we were together ....I know I need to let it go. Pray for me.
God Bless you... I battle with this even today after 7 long months of being seperated from my EX. I thought this was something that only I was dealing with. I see that is far from true. God bless my two sisters that also posted comments. And YES it hurts like a million bricks landed on your heart. My ex doesnt live in front of me, but lives in front of my church, so I understand all of what you are experiencing Allie. I have to pray every second to allow God to clear my heart and mind from this man. Hard is not the word, but with my Lord on my side, I have accomplished so much and I am so grateful. I love you ladies and stay strong and keep pushing, our time will come!
@Me! I'm honored that you read all my posts. Share away! I pray it helps someone in their time of need. Blessings to you!
@Allie I'm sure that's incredibly hard to have a constant reminder of your ex right in front of you every day. You certainly have my prayers. I know how it is to break up and remember the hard times, but STILL long for that person to be in your life. It's a deep longing too and it feels like it will never go away, but it eventually does. In the meantime, God is able to help you day by day. Do what I do and take it one day at a time.
@Kisha Wonderful encouragement you gave to the ladies, thank you! You described the heaviness and pain of longing for an ex perfectly: "like a million bricks landed on your heart." It really does take time and lots and lots of prayer. It's great to know someone else is fighting the good fight and hanging in there.
I love you my sisters and we're going to be strong together. I'm so happy my experiences are a blessing to you. Let's hold each other up!
Much Love,
Ashley
I just love you and your writing Ms. Ashley! I am 34 years old and I was with a man for 10 years. I thought were going to get married but it didn't end that way. We have 2 children together so this is a big SOUL TIE. I'm trusting God EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE. It has only been 8 months since we broke up. Pray for me PLEASE!
Ladies please read this....http://instagr.am/p/Jz8AA3hRC9/
First of all I take my hat off to you for being so honest. This is what I have been looking for in a singles column. Knowing that someone has been through some of the same things as me and came out alright is so encourageing. Thank you Ashley for your willingness to be a model and put your life out there. You're helping so many people by doing that and you have my 150 percent support!!
Ladies, I prayed for each one of you. I was bound by a soul tie for 20 years. Although on the surface it appeared that I moved on, in my spirit and my heart, I was STUCK!!! For three weeks the Lord poured into me and I was finally able to be free. It was hard and my heart was still hurting after all that time but our God is a healer, a comforter and deliverer. He has not forgotten us ladies.
I was crying the whole time and could hardly get through this one. I feel like this is my life, my story, my issues. I have been in several different relationships so I have more than one soul tie but this one guy I just can't seem to get him out my system. I pray and pray but nothing seems to work. I will continue to pray for strength to close the chapter for good and stop longing for him.
You are so right about "that time." Lord KNOWS you are right. I just got out of a relationship that lasted several years. I finally had enough but walking away became a MUST because things were just so bad. Its weird how it can be terrible but in my heart I miss him after leaving him. It has been a very difficult journey.
My ex lives right next to my church as well and I still miss him. I had to drive the roundabout way to church one Sunday because my heart was so heavy that I couldn't bear to be reminded of him. I'm taking it one day at a time and that is helping me focus on being the best single person. I also recommend helping the less fortunate as that can help you take your mind off your ex.
Is this article ever going to be updated?
Ashley, Tamara, Ebony and Felicia ... I just pray that God is continuing to unravel those heart ties in each of you, and, in me, as I have been dealing with the same thing since July 1st ... 3 days before we were supposed to be married. I went through the personal survey. What's wrong with me, why doesn’t he want me, and how could I have been so stupid nights, while the tears flowed like a tsunami. But one day, God spoke to me in a most gentle way, as only our Heavenly Father can do. While taking that trip down memory lane, I was questioning everything about my ex ... he had his ugly moments but he was good to me (most of the time), he said he loved me but didn't like me (most of the time)... and so on and so on. In an instant though God reminded me however that it was only HIS SON, JESUS, who was the lover of my soul!!! In an instant God delivered me from so much hurt, anger, despair and delusions. Each day it hurts a little less.... but I pray that God will continue to heal his daughters, all of you, my sisters in Christ. Be healed, be whole, and be encouraged that Jesus is the lover of your soul.