It was totally unexpected.
I went to a cousin’s bridal shower and they began playing a mix CD full of romantic R &B music hits. Everyone was laughing, talking, eating, mingling and having a nice time. We were all relaxing in the private room of an upscale restaurant.
It was lovely.
But then that song came on—the one my ex and I loved so much—which immediately transported me back to that time.
Every single woman has a “that time” with an ex. And you can never predict what will trigger the specific memory that carries you away.
It could be a whiff of the cologne he wore; a movie the two of you enjoyed together; passing his favorite restaurant; your anniversary; the holiday season; hearing a phrase or joke he would always say; or nothing in particular.
And once that flashback comes back in full force it’s so vivid it seems real.
When I heard Usher’s “You Got It Bad,” I felt like I had been sucked into a time warp by the “Ghost of Anniversary Past.” The destination was a romantic celebration at our place with our song playing, candles lit, wine poured, rose petals scattered, dinner cooked and ambiance in full effect. We even watched the video together that night and vowed that we would be together forever.
Clearly, we all know how that turned out.
For women who had a “boo thang” or boyfriend they later married, those old memories aren’t a problem. In fact, they are welcomed as a way of inciting passion in the relationship.
But single sisters like me have to come against those thoughts quickly!
Though my ex and I are over like former couple Usher Raymond and Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas, also the stars of the You Got It Bad video, that doesn’t mean the enemy isn’t constantly waging a battle for my mind.
My saving grace that day was my aunt Regina calling my name. At first she sounded like a faraway echo. A sister was mentally gone! Then after about the third time I guess, I heard her clearly shout “Ashley!”
Embarrassed, I looked up and said, “Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts.”
She peered at me half disgusted, like I was high on something and said, “They told me to ask you to help with the gifts.”
I happily obliged, wanting to think about something—anything—other than that anniversary.
When I returned home that night I knew I needed to spend some time with God. So I kicked off my shoes, put my purse and keys down, and dropped to my knees on the side of my bed. The floor felt especially hard and cold that night, but I wasn’t getting up until I connected with God.
I told the Lord all about how I wanted to be free in my mind and how I wanted my thoughts to be submitted only to Him.
When I finished pouring my heart out, He poured back into me.
Feeling refreshed, I got up, turned on some Kari Jobe, made myself a warm cup of herbal tea, pulled out my journal, opened my Bible and began studying by the soft lamplight.
I turned to Romans 12:2 and read, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
As I wrote I knew God was giving me the words to jot down. My journal entry read:
“Even though God has saved you from sin, there is a constant battle for your mind. When thoughts and feelings contrary to God’s will come back, don’t fret. Resist them by giving them over to God and allowing Him to renew your mind day by day.”
Every day I wake up I seek God for strength, guidance and mind renewal.
I suggest the same thing to the single sisters with past soul ties and exes who had a real hold on them at one point in time.
The battle is ongoing, but you can win with God on your side.
The fact that there is a battle going on means you have some fight left in you, otherwise it wouldn't be a battle. When you stop resisting, you start succumbing, and that's when it's time to worry.
So don’t be afraid of the continuous mental and emotional struggle.
The word of God is your weapon; the spirit of God is your power; and the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6:11) is your defense and protection.
Keep fighting the good fight. Your mind is the battlefield, but the battle is already won through Christ!
Walk in His strength.
I sure am.