Reflections on being Solo, Not So Low: Why I had to Take a Social Networking Break
I don’t have a Facebook page or Twitter account as of two and a half years ago. I know I probably sound like a Neanderthal right now, because pretty much everybody I know does some form of social networking. All my friends and family endlessly grill me about why I’m not online anymore.
But I wasn’t always an Internet hermit. I actually used to spend a lot of time social networking. I was consistently posting up new pictures of myself, family, and friends. Ms. Ashley Peterson stayed liking somebody else’s status, adding my two cents to conversations, or re-tweeting something I thought was cool or interesting. I was quite the social butterfly.
*Stares into space nostalgically remembering my much hipper, cooler days*
I didn’t even mind letting people use my Facebook wall as a billboard to promote their event or website (as long as it wasn’t anything inappropriate). I loved everything about my online connections.
So I know you’re probably wondering what led me to delete my accounts so suddenly. Well, since you’re my single, saved, and satisfied family and we’re on this singles journey together, I’ll just come right out and tell you.
It seemed like all (and I do mean all) of my ex-boyfriends would find me online.
Ugh!
With just a couple clicks of their mouse and a quick search, all the praying, crying, and healing I had to do to get over them, and stay away from them in real life, was undermined. And quite frankly, they were last people on earth I wanted to hear from again.
One message in particular from a guy I had been head-over-heels in love with sent me into please-help-me-Jesus-right-now mode. We’ll just call him Ronald and he had me smitten. We went through a lot together and were in a relationship for three whole years. I thought he was the one, okay? It took me a long time to get over him with his fine self!
So when he sent me an inbox message on Facebook looking so handsome, all the progress I thought I made fled the scene. All that remained was me and my unresolved issues with my unrequited love. “Hey Ms. Ash, looking good,” his message started out. “I miss you. Can we catch up?”
Dummy that I was, I gave him my new number and let him talk to me.
3 months later I was right back where I started—scorned, cheated on, and mad at myself for being that gullible. And right then, I took a long, hard look at myself. I had spent so much time filling the void he left with Facebook friends and Twitter followers that I hadn’t given myself time to heal.
For me, social networking filled a void of sorts. It gave me something to busy myself with when I was feeling sad or lonely. Gabbing away with other people, updating my status five times a day, and staying connected to everybody else in my cyber circle kept my mind off of him.
But when he showed up, I came face-to-face with the truth: I was not over him.
So I prayed and felt that God was telling me I really needed to disconnect from everything so I could get connected and in tune with the Lord. It was hard at first because I was on my social networking sites several times a day. But I wanted to be obedient. So I deleted my accounts and haven’t been back since.
What God told me to do is not for everyone, I know. But it was the best decision of my life.
God has built me up and strengthened me so much since then. Now I can truly say I’m solo, but not so low that I’ll let myself get sucked into a toxic relationship with an ex that breaks hearts for sport.
I’m solo, but not so low that I’ll compromise my standards just to feel the warm embrace of a man.
I’m solo, but not so low I’ll ignore the warning signs of his infidelity so I don’t risk being alone, again.
I’m solo, but not so low that I’ll go in between the sheets with him just so he won’t leave me for another woman who is willing.
Who’s with me?
As single, saved, and satisfied sisters, we have to view our singleness differently. It is not a plague or curse. It is an opportunity to draw close to God so our thinking won’t be so low, but so high that we won’t compromise; so high that we will expect only the best God has to offer; so high that the man we welcome into our lives will live out God’s standards and nothing less.
These days, you might not find me online, but you’ll find me in God’s presence which is why I’m solo, and yet, so high.
"Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God." Colossians 3:1 NASB
Ashley Peterson is a staff writer for EEW Magazine. Her goal is to discuss current issues related to single women and help them lead a single, saved, and satisfied like the way God intends.
Email Ashley Peterson:
ashley.peterson@eewmagazine.com
14 Comments
Reader Comments (14)
Ashley, this is why I love you and this column. OMG! You tell the truth like it is! I get so many messages from my exes and I have had some conversations I later regretted. I'm learning just to hit ignore to those requests and delete certain messages on sight. Thank you for sharing this. You have encouraged me to elevate my thinking and demand the best for myself.
This is a very interesting article. I had to take a social networking break for a while too. I'm back on Facebook now but I definitley lost myself a few times. I try to be more balanced. Thanks for this!
I love this article so much!!!! I'm solo not so low. Love it! When I read your articles I feel like you really get me! I have made some mistakes I am not proud of in my past but now that I've been there done that I have learned so much. Thank you Ashley!
I don't know how I would live without my social networks! You're a strong woman LOL! I do feel you though. Facebook can be a trip, but you have to be wise about your interactions with others. Great article Ashley!
Thank you for saying singleness is not a plague or a curse! Now please tell my family that at Christmas dinner. (Dreading it!)
Thank you for your honesty, Ashley. I am getting over a breakup and my ex sent me an inbox message on Facebook the other day. Just seeing his picture and reading his words conjured up a whole lot of stuff I'm trying to move on from so I can relate to this article. I have been considering taking a break from FB for a while and after reading this I think I will. I need to do it for me and just give myself some time.
Well alright Miss Ashley! This is the way to give out advice. Girl, you are not lying about exes and social networks. I deleted my Facebook account months ago. That thing is the DEVIL! LOL! I really enjoyed this and this is my new motto. I'm solo, not so low! That's Bad girl. Love this. All of it!
I have to adopt more of this perspective. I have been in and out of more beds than I want to admit. I just feel so ashamed of myself and the poor choices I have made. I have been a girlfriend, chick on the side, the husband's girlfriend. You name it. I've been their and doen that. Sometimes I wonder why I've been so easy and I think it got answered in this article. I didn't want to say anything but this hit home so much I had to. I need to learn how not to be "so low" about being single that I'm desperate. I never really made that connection. I know it's other issues I have to work at too but this was a big one.
Keeping our minds elevated is the key Ashley. Amen. I have been on a journey of cleansing for quite a while now. I didn't come up in church and my views on sex and relationships were very different. I used sex as a tool and a means to an end. It wasn't until I got to know Jesus and got connected to a good bible believing church that taught the word that I began to value myself. I saw myself differently. I saw my body as a temple for the first time, worthy to be cherished and honored. I LOVE how the reinforcement of God's perspective is all in and through this article. You have offered wonderful advice for single ladies such as myself. Keep the good news of the gospel interlaced in your words. It's helping us all! Appreciate you much my sister and God bless you and your gift.
Hey Single, saved, and satisfied ladies!! Thank you for your comments. You guys keep me going! Stay elevated and lifted and please keep sharing the article. The email feedback has been tremendous <3
Lots of Love,
Ash
Thank you for this article Ashley!
I have learned that facebook/ social networks can be an obstacle when it comes to exes. I have had my page private since I created my facebook in 07', but I have also let a couple of exes become my friend. It has come to the point where I have either had to delete them or permentaly block them on facebook. I don't have any contact with any of them on facebook anymore. I've found that what I was doing was trying to hold on in some way to something that God was telling me to let go off. I was hurting myself more in the process and not allowing myself to move on, heal, and focus soley on the Lord.
God gave me the strength to change that! :)
I look forward to reading more insightful and encouraging articles from you!
Deleted FB and Twitter about two months ago. I am less insecure, tempted, distracted, and covetous... the BEST decision I could have ever made... your article was simply confirmation!
Thanks Chica!
Lol.... I didn't NEED Facebook for that Negro to find me! He found me on Gmail!!! Lol... I can tell you that God tested me - FOR REAL!!
After 9 yrs of friendship, 5 years of dating and 3 years of being separated... Mr. Man reached out to me the week that I could've been my WEAKEST - ever (facing a cancer scare & surgery).
BUT GOD... God gave me a peace that passed ALL understanding. My faith sustained and helped me to succeed in both tests. I kept the communication simple and casual - didn't let him know ANYTHING! *Sidenote* Deep down inside, I wanted to cry damsel in distress and see if he'd whisk me away and make things alright! Hahaha...
Ultimately, I left the past in the past and allowed God to deal w/my present and future. It wasn't easy (AT ALL!) but I'm glad God kept me. My store would be different if I didn't obey (and God knows I'm hard-headed!)... Btw - surgery went well & tests came back negative!
Thank you, i haven't been the best at this but i did block him, i didnt realize what a grip folks can have on you. Oh well thanks for telling the TRUTH. I think I might have to try it myself.