Godly Parenting: The Word vs. The World-Helping Our Children Know the Difference
Last summer at a children’s birthday party my three-year-old son pretended to be a pirate along with the five-year-old honoree and a gang of other children. The birthday boy and my son really like each other and play well together when they get the chance, but this was not our usual crowd. Earlier this year I had helped the mother with one of her community projects and had babysat her son a few times. I was drawn to helping this single woman any way that I could, including praying daily for her salvation. I didn’t want to miss the party, so I dressed Nathaniel in a pirate’s outfit and suited myself with the armor of God, not knowing what conversations I would encounter.
Two very warm women—a Muslim and a follower of what she calls “oneness”—found their way to me and we talked about marriage. The Muslim was divorced and the other woman a predetermined single mother. They challenged traditional notions of marriage, including the man being the head of the house, with one saying her friends who have an open marriage “are one of the happiest couples I know.” Without attacking, I simply said many people misunderstand the Christian standard of submission and leadership and don’t realize that the husband is called to a sacrificial love, to put his desires secondary and those of his family first (Ephesians 5:23-29). The standard for the Christian husband as leader is Jesus Christ, not male domination. With quiet contemplation, they stared at me as if they had just heard a new idea, an idea that springs from the knowledge that the Apostle Peter talks about in 1:5, knowledge that we must teach our children.
The definition of knowledge means “moral wisdom, i.e., such as is seen in right living.” What is the basis of this moral wisdom? It’s not just being a good person that the world talks about, only rooted in a system of universal moral truths: don’t steal, kill, cheat; in essence following the 10 Commandments. While these ARE the basis (and basics) for all moral truth, none of us can keep these perfectly because we are imperfect human beings. We can’t rely upon and teach our children “as long as the good outweighs the bad” then we are ok with man and God. I don’t think that logic will suffice for the family that may suffer from a sin that our child may have committed against one of their loved ones. It’s not the reasoning that gets us to heaven.
So what makes Christian morality different than general morality? What should we teach our children so they understand the difference between the two and have a clear knowledge about why Christianity stands alone? Our knowledge of morality is based on a perfect person, the God-man Jesus Christ, and He is our barometer for morality, both positionally and physically. He came from heaven to show us the way. He died to be the way for us. Once we accept His death on the cross we are placed into the body of Christ and can live the message of Christ.
All throughout 2 Peter 1 we see the word knowledge. First Peter 1:5 tells us that this knowledge is moral wisdom and the other references tell us the source of that moral wisdom: God the Father and Jesus Christ. The only way we can live proper moral lives is through knowing the source of our morality and what He expects of us. It makes sense that we share this with our children. They need to know that salvation comes through Jesus and our maintenance (sanctification)--the ability to live a saved life--comes through Him, too. This knowledge helps our children with their walk (having proper moral wisdom) and prepares them for their witness (sharing proper moral wisdom). In order to receive salvation and to walk in sanctification, they have to make a decision for Christ for themselves. OUR decision for Christ won't cut it for them and neither will basic morality.
Knowing these three basics—who God is, who we are and what we are supposed to do—is key to understanding the difference between Christian morality and worldly views of morality:
The Word Says
- "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).
- No one is good, but we are made righteous through Him (Matthew 19:17, Psalm 14:3, Romans 3:10, 22, 10:3).
- We should follow the word of God and not our own dictates (Romans 8:13).
The World Says
- There are many ways to God. It just matters that you are sincere in what you believe.
- Everyone is basically good.
- Do what you believe is right as long as you don’t hurt anybody.
Of course there are a multitude of differences and I challenge you to add to this short list. When you do, get ready to engage your children, no matter what their age, with activities such as these:
“Who Said This?” Present your children with a biblical teaching and a teaching from the world and ask them to choose where the message comes from. As your children gain biblical knowledge, you can choose sayings from the world that almost sound like they could be in the Bible, like “God helps those who help themselves” and “If you take one step, God’ll take two.”
“What Would You Do?” Describe a scenario with a dilemma and ask them how they would handle it. You can leave the scenario open or present to them worldly and godly choices and have them select from those. After you hear their responses, help shape their response to a Christian worldview if necessary.
“What Have You Heard?” Ask your children what they have heard at school, in the media and elsewhere about different issues. Let one child share, perhaps over dinner, their “What Have You Heard” issue and discuss it with them at the table. Look up the issue in a topical bible or bible concordance to see what the Bible says.
You could use any of these ideas during family game night, in the car or as a bible study. Make it fun by offering incentives, like ice cream, a favorite meal or special TV time. Whatever within reason you know will help your children look forward to the time—including your excitement, you should do that.
Jesus told his disciples that He was going to send them out as sheep among wolves then said therefore “be wise as serpents, and harmless as doves” (Matthew 10:16). Jesus knew His disciples—we—would have to remember our own interests while witnessing to nonbelievers without following their ideas of morality. This is not easy, but armed with the knowledge from 2 Peter 1 we can help our children understand that moral wisdom is based on the person of Christ, not some manmade system that makes us feel satisfied. When we do this, we are working to put the Kingdom first.
Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech instructor & communications coordinator turned full-time homemaker & journalist. The writing of this committed wife and mother who earned her Bachelor’s degree in journalism and a Master’s degree in communication from Wayne State University, Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit News, Newsday (New York), Chicago Tribune, Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry functions, writes and edits newsletters for Christian ministries, and teaches public speaking workshops. Three times a week, she encourages women to lean on God's strength instead of their own through her blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman. She, her husband and three sons attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where they live.
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10 Comments
Reader Comments (10)
I love this Rhonda. There is a lot of pressure on parents nowadays because of the access our children have to all sorts of things. Even with safeguards and supervision, they pick up bad habits and ideas at school from their friends. I have been praying for information like this!
About 3 months ago I was checking my 16 year old son's laptop and I saw in his history that he had been visiting pornography websites. My heart was crushed because I have done everything I can to keep him on the right track. We are a Christian family. The kids are in church and we try to exemplify Christ. I don't know what to do or how to help my teenager get free from the shackles of perversion. I feel like this is all my fault, like I did something wrong.
Open relationships are growing more popular. I know one of my co-workers in a relationship like this and according to her she is happy. It feels intimidating to me when people are content in their sin. I almost don't know how to witness to them or what to say. When they are broken down and hurting, it's easy to offer them joy. But when they are pleased with the way their life is going, it's much harder to "sell Jesus" if you know what I mean.
Cherisse,
I'm so glad you gleaned something you can use from this article. We have a lot to contend with, but we aren't without hope. God always provides for us a way. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Tempest,
I hear your heart's cry for your son and though you said you didn't know what else to do you reached out today. Praise God that even in your discouragement you are not defeated. If you were, you would not have sought help. And there is always hope for help as long as your son is still living.
You have not revealed what measures, if any, you have taken since discovering your son visiting porn sites. Have you talked to him? If so, what did you say? What was his reaction? Are there friends or other male figures in your son's life that could be influencing him? I ask this because those people need to be addressed also. Though you haven't given answers to those questions let me offer you this: You must be prayed up before talking to your son so you are led by the Holy Spirit so your son feels your love and concern for his spiritual, sexual, emotional and phyiscal health. Pornography impacts all these areas and he needs to know that watching pornography is not benign but has long-term effects on his health, including a healthy view of sex which he will need if he plans to get married.
Some resources I have used to help people battling against pornography are information from Dr. Douglas Weiss and Joshua Harris, both who are Christian. Dr. Weiss has resources to help youths, particularly boys, combat pornography and sexual impurity in general. As a psychologist, he does well discussing the physiological, spiritual and emotional impact that sexual impurity has on us. His site also has a porn blocker for the Internet that you can get for all the computers in your home. Check out his site at www.sexaddict.com/Resource.html and go under Marriage and Youth. Harris' book, Not Even a Hint, gives a candid view of Harris' journey to be free from sexual addiction and offers practical and spiritual ways to stay away from porn.
Tempest, know that you are not alone. Unfortunately, pornography is a huge problem even in the church. You can go to Christian Book Distributors (www.christianbook.com) to find other books written to combat the issue. You are to present the truth to your son and make all the provisions possible to safeguard him. If you have done so, his falling into sin is not your fault. God told the Israelites and we should say the same to our children: "...I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live...." Your job is to teach and encourage, but you can't make your son choose life. With prayer, the power of the Holy Spirit and spiritual resources I know your son will have more than enough to help him to choose life.
May,
I totally understand where you're coming from. I believe in situations like this we have to model truth with our lives. Don't condemn your co-worker but whenever you have an opportunity, like in a group discussion or if she directly asks your opinion, you have to give her the truth according to the Word. She needs to know that a life of sin has consequences and you must tell her that in as gently of a straightforward way as possible. Or if the Lord leads you the less gentle way, like He did Jonah, be ready for that too.
Rhonda thank you so much for your help!!!! I didn't say anything to him yet. When I first found out I was just so shocked and hurt. I don't want him tied up in that. I will check out this information you have me. I appreciate this SO MUCH!
You are welcome, Tempest. May God bless you, my sister.
As an adult I find it challenging to witness to my work colleagues who don't share my same views on faith, so I know it is 10 times harder for my young sons, both in college now, to share their faith. But they love God and I am thankful for that. When they were younger I was deliberate about establishing in-home bible studies each week and the benefits of that are showing up now. Excellent piece!
Elizabeth, you are so right about sharing our faith being tough. That's why building a rapport with people is important, making our approach less difficult. Sharing is difficult but necessary. It is so good to hear about your commitment to having bible study with your sons and the fruit you are now seeing. Thanks so much for sharing and your compliment. I appreciate you taking the time.