Raising Children of Virtue: Modeling Is Our Strongest Weapon
Photo Courtesy of Sherwood Pictures Ministry, Inc. from "Courageous" the Movie
My heart was simply thrilled when I saw “Courageous,” the new blockbuster Christian feature film that chronicles the lives of five men and their challenge to be courageous. Though this movie centers on men, the women and children in their lives learn just what courageous should look like by witnessing their husbands and fathers. Watching “Courageous” made me think of the seven qualities of a strong believer in 2 Peter 1 and how modeling may be our strongest weapon in helping our children achieve for themselves virtue, the first quality in the list.
The definition of virtue in 2 Peter 1:5 is “courage, fortitude, resolution” and many people, including youths, lack this. Though some are born with virtue, others aren’t, so this is something we must teach or cultivate in our children so they will stand firm on God’s word. They need virtue in our day where everything seems relative, children are largely indifferent, and social media helps develop and destroy trends and friends with lightening speed.
- States get to decide the definition of marriage though God defined it between a man and a woman.
- Without incentives, like cash, some young people would barely excel.
- Tweets and pages tell us what we should like and who we should like.
Society makes it hard for us to instill virtue in our children. Our children, bombarded with sound bites and social media, may lean toward cultural norms and we may too. We might resign to the culture because we believe it stronger than any lessons we could teach and we forget that “greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world” (1 John 4:4). We get tired of teaching our children the SAME lessons; at least I know I do. But children learn through repetition and respond to patterns of consistency. They like routines and come to expect certain behavior—be it our pet sayings, our follow-through on discipline or our spouting a lot of empty threats.
My three year old, Nathaniel, is my routine router. “Say ‘honey.’ Say ‘honey,’ mom,” he insists if I fail to call him such. He also reminds me that I’m supposed to give spankings when a known violation has occurred. Frankly, I like to change up my language a bit sometimes and I get tired of redirecting with words and spankings. I just don’t FEEL like teaching and disciplining. Then I remember Scripture and I route my routines back in place so I can courageously claim God’s promises:
“And let us be not be weary in well doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not” (Galatians 6:9—KJV, emphasis mine).
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“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. (1 Corinthians 15:58—KJV, emphasis mine). |
With our steadiness in teaching our children, we model virtue. Living virtuously is not easy, let alone trying to teach someone else. I believe that’s why Peter said “giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue…” He knew we would have to work hard to achieve virtue and all the other characteristics of a strong Christian. And when we are diligent, consistent with our modeling and direct teaching, we reap great rewards:
“The hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced labor” (Proverbs 12:24—ESV).
“The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied” (Proverbs 13:4—ESV).
“The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty” (Proverbs 21:5—ESV).
When we are diligent, we will lead our children; our minds, wills and emotions will be satisfied; and we will reap a great harvest, in this case seeing our children walk in virtue. So go ahead and challenge yourselves and your children to not be “tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine” (Ephesians 4:14). Not being wishy washy takes knowing what we are supposed to take a stand on. Here are some starters for us and our children:
Know who God is. When we know who He is we know there is not another who is comparable to Jesus. This will keep us standing firm on our belief in Him so we can teach our children the same.
Know who we are. God created us for a specific purpose (Ephesians 1:4, 2:10). It's up to us to diligently seek Him to find out our purpose and to teach our children to work to discover theirs.
Know that God created us to have resolve 1) about who He is; 2) about why He has chosen us; and 3) to stand firm on His Word. Throughout the Bible He says phrases like “Know that I am God,” “I chose you,” and “believe” in God and His word (Psalm 46:10; John 15:16; John 14:1; 1 Thessalonians 2:13).
I believe God will show you what is the best way for you to teach your children to embrace walking in virtue, but I have a few suggestions:
- Have Bible studies with your children on characters that embodied virtue. Of course the Bible is chockfull of examples, though David and the prophetess Anna are two of my favorites. Use a topical dictionary to find who you want.
- Be a person of your word. Let your yes be yes and no be no so your children see how not to over-commit, under-commit or be indifferent. Modeling is powerful and a key component as parents.
- Encourage your children to hang with people who have strong resolve about godly things. I’ve said this before but I don’t ever think I could say it too much. “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). We want our children to be sharpened to do good.
Remember, we all stand for something. I pray that we all choose to stand on God’s word by teaching our children to embrace virtue, yet another way to put the Kingdom first.
Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech instructor & communications coordinator turned full-time homemaker & journalist. The writing of this committed wife and mother who earned her Bachelor’s degree in journalism and a Master’s degree in communication from Wayne State University, Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit News, Newsday (New York), Chicago Tribune, Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),
Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry functions, writes and edits newsletters for Christian ministries, and teaches public speaking workshops. Three times a week, she encourages women to lean on God's strength instead of their own through her blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman. She, her husband and three sons attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where they live.
Email Rhonda Smith:
rhonda@eewmagazine.com
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22 Comments
Reader Comments (22)
I hadn't heard anything about this movie! How did I miss that? I will be checking it out for sure. The points you made in this article are so profound and I never thought of teaching virtue in that context. Be blessed!
With ipods, cell phones, and that doggone youtube I feel like I'm losing a handle on my kids. They are always sneaking and listening to and watching stuff I don't approve of. It's hard to compete with this hip hop generation and keep my children away from those influences. All their school friends and some of their church friends are deep into pop culture. I feel encouraged that modeling the lifestyle will be helpful. These scriptures you gave are excellent!
I love how I have received advice for both myself and my children today. This is so rich. Thank you my sister.
That is heavy and right on point. I'm striving to do better in this area of modeling virtue!
Rhonda I know you are a woman of God! The insights you offer are rooted in the holy word and I love it. I was wondering the other day about some things I could do to help develop more godly caracter in my sons. I have 3 of them. This is an answer to my prayer.
I saw your article on Dianna Hobbs facebook page!! I LOVE THIS!! As a mom of 2 young girls, I want to model Godliness to them in all I say and do. I will be applying every word of this. God bless you Mrs. Smith.
I married into a relationship where he has children and I do not. They are pre-teens and angry that I am not their biological mother. She poisons their minds against me and makes them think I don't love them. I try to model godly character for them but it seems like it doesn't matter or isn't working. I will try my best to be an example and pray that they will come around and see me for who I truly am.
Hi Rhonda! I love yoru parenting articles!! I have trouble following through on things. I'm a terrible procrastinator and I worry that my two children, Asia and Ashton, will be like me. They are like sponges soaking up everything I say and do. And when I don't do something I said I was going to do, they are constanly reminding me of it. I feel God leading me to come up a little higher in this area.
Thanks so much, Patricia, for reading and your comment about the article. Yes, be sure to check out Courageous. I'm sure you'll be blessed.
LaShondra,
The world is stacked against us, but praise God we have victory in Christ. He gave us tools to use. I'm glad you're convinced that modeling will help you. Thanks for reading and for your comment. Be encouraged, Sis.
Natasha,
I'm glad you received something for you and your children from the article. I believe we parents have to continuously learn because the word of God is inexhaustible. Thank you for reading. I appreciate your comments.
Thank you, Tina. I appreciate your encouragement.
Blessed1,
I praise God that this article is an answer to your prayer. It's amazing how God can use others to meet our exact need. Thank you for your comment and encouragement. I appreciate them both.
Ella,
God bless you, my sister. I am so thankful that you found this article useful. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Confused Stepmother,
My heart goes out to you. I can't say I know exactly what you are dealing with, having not been in that situation, but I do know this: you will reap if you don't give up (Galatians 6:9). I praise God that you have committed to continue to model right behavior for your stepchildren. Though it may be hard, I hope you will, if you aren't already, commit to praying for your children's biological mother and to display kindness to her every chance you get (Romans 12:20). God bless you. I look forward to a testimony about your perseverance.
Hi Candace,
I love that you love the articles and hope that God is speaking to you through them. It seems He's speaking to you through your children for sure. In addition to your children, maybe you can get an accountability partner, if you don't already have one. After you set a few reasonable goals, particularly as it relates to nurturing your children, you can share them with your partner and have her follow up with you. Sometimes knowing that someone will be checking on you to see if you remained faithful to your goal will keep you from procrastinating. You can also post those scriptures about diligence around your house and carry them with you on index cards to help you get motivated, too.
"Confused Stepmother", I know exactly where you are coming from. I am a stepmother also. When my husband and I got married, his children were just entering their teenage years...a tough time to say the least! Just like you, their mom said all sorts of nasty, untrue things about me to them. She would not even allow them to attend our wedding, much less participate in it. I refused to go out of my way to try to "buy their love" or be over the top to prove her wrong. I wasn't pushy or mean to them, but I did demand respect. They of course tried to test that, but I stood firm. I have always treated them with love and kindness...and their mother too! Although I was kind to them, I refused to let them walk over me. I treated them with love and respect-and I expected the same...there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! Their mom would call our house with bogus stories about them being sick and playing childish games. My husband wouldn't really say anything...at first. I put up with it for awhile, until one day I had a firm discussion with him about how He is suppose to set the standard on EVERY END (children's mother, the children and even me!). He had a talk with their mom and although she wasn't too happy about it, eventually the mess kind of leveled off. They are adults now, and although our relationship is not that of Sisters or mother-child, we love each other and they see that their mom was wrong and just bitter. So, be encouraged and continue to model Godly behavior, I believe that they are receiving it in their hearts. You'll see the benefits one day!
Thanks for the words of advice and encouragement! You have helped beyond what I can express.
This social networking stuff is driving me crazy! My daughter is 14 and I can't lock her away in a room with no computer privileges. But when I check her history on her computer she is watching music videos I don't approve of and I found a few distrubing searches. I don't know how to approach it. I try to gvie her a little more liberty while she is getting older, but it scares me to see her indugling in some of this craziness online.
Stephanie,
I hear your frustration and I'm so glad that the psalmist tells us that God's eyes are on the righteous and His ears are open to their cry (34:15). I hope you can rest assure that God has heard your cry today and will provide you the wisdom you need.
There is a great tension between giving freedom and having constraints. As our children get older, we want to be able to give them freedom, but freedom should only come when our children exhibit responsibility. One of our main jobs as parents is to protect our children. They may think we are being overprotective but experience and wisdom give us an advantage of knowing what will harm our children. Unlimited access to the Internet is definitely great potential for harm and you have seen what things your daughter can encounter that will be harmful to her.
You have to limit her access. Most Internet providers have parental controls and there are also companies that provide Internet filters. If she has a cell phone, you can limit what services she is able to use, like only being able to make certain outgoing calls. Make sure you tell her that the changes will take place. Before telling her about and making these changes, I suggest you talk to her, explaining your concern about where's she's been on the Internet and seeking to hear her heart about why those sites are attractive to her. You may figure she wants to be in the know and to keep up with her friends and trends, but you need to hear that from her and help her to critically think about her motives. Desire to see what the "world" is doing is natural but once we go there we can cause a lot of trouble for ourselves and others (Genesis 34). You can't be with your daughter 24/7 but it is up to you to do all that you can to protect her in the home and give her the tools she can use to protect herself while she is away from you. Ultimately, she has to make the choice but you have to guide her to what is healthy.
I was reading this and just broke down crying because I know I have failed God and my children. After my divorce from an unfaithful husband I just felt forsaken by God and life. I have had different men in and out of my life. I started picking up some old habits because I've been so angry and bitter not thinking about how I am influencing my kids. This article made me think about THEM and not just myself. I am so convicted and I want to do better.
Convicted,
Life's challenges can make us do things we end up regretting, but praise God we don't have to live with regret. We can choose to live differently. I'm so glad something was said in this article to make you want to focus on your children more. I hope you seek the Lord's forgiveness (1 John 1:9) and that of your children and ask the Lord to help you each day to focus exactly where He wants you to focus. I also hope you have a trusted friend that you can talk to or even a Christian counselor so that you can get healing from your pain that has left you angry and bitter. Healing CAN be your portion. May God bless you.