Three’s a Crowd: Defend Your Space

Article By Marianne Mathis

ur five year old little princess had become far too comfortable sleeping in our bed.

It all happened after I made the mistake of letting her nestle closely to me one night during a thunderstorm. She said she was afraid of the loud noise and I was too sleepy to do my usual ritual which was: go in her room, talk to her until she calmed down, and tip-toe out as she was drifting back to sleepy land.

On this particular night, the bed felt especially warm and I was being lazy. So I lifted the covers up and told her, “Come on and climb in with Mommy.”

Why on earth did I ever do that?

That became one of the worst parenting decisions I’ve ever made, because one invitation turned into numerous uninvited trips to mom and dad’s bed.

Every night, she and her pink “blankey” found a reason to barge into our room, crawl into bed, and crowd us out.

At first, I made light of it, laughed it off, and figured it would get better.

But her presence affected my husband and I negatively.

We couldn’t be intimate when we wanted to late at night because she was in bed. Our private pillow talk wasn’t as comfortable and free. Our soft Queen-sized bed felt more like a twin bed after she cut off our room with her wild sleeping.

After my husband had had enough, he told me, “Marianne, honey, she’s got to go, I’m sorry.”

The transition was a little bumpy because I had to re-train her to enjoy her own room again. But I stuck to the plan and felt so thankful when things returned to normal. I never allowed her to take up residence in our room again!

Baby girl taught me that three is only considered company on TV with Janet, Crissy, and Jack Tripper—stars of “Three’s Company” that went off air in 1984.

That invaluable lesson has carried over to other areas of my married life as well.

I have learned (sometimes the hard way) that when you allow people and things to come in between you and your spouse, it’s a recipe for disaster.

Defend your space. Don’t invite outsiders into your private, intimate places unless you want to introduce division, confusion, and unnecessary stress into your marital relationship.

Here are some examples of things that can become unwelcome “crowds” in your marriage.

Well-meaning family: Family members always have advice, opinions, and ideas about how things should work in your household. To keep them from taking over and causing confusion in your house, make sure you don’t invite them into your business by giving away TMI (too much information). And for the ones that butt in just because they feel entitled, find a polite way to ask them not to. Or, if that makes you uncomfortable, grin, bear it, and let it go in one ear and out the other.

Intrusive Friends: Outside relationships must be managed. Boundaries have to be set up, especially because some friends who are “like family” can be intrusive and invasive without meaning to be. Calling constantly, dropping by unannounced, incessantly asking for favors that place a strain on you, badgering you to participate in events and gatherings you don’t have time for, among other things, are no-no’s. If you let friends invade your life, they are bound to overstep their boundaries. So know your threshold and don’t go beyond that.  

Church Family: Though you love God, desire to serve Him, want to attend church regularly, and use your gifts to enhance the body of Christ, you have to be deliberate about staying in balance. There is no shortage of committees, departments, meetings, rehearsals, services, offerings, and miscellaneous requests that come from your local ministry. This can be demanding and detrimental to a relationship! If you spend all your time, money, and energy at church, what do you have left for your home life? There is a way to love God, serve the local ministry, and keep home happy. But it takes prioritization and realization that you can’t do everything.

These are just a few examples of things and scenarios that could potentially cause problems in your marriage. But you have the power to avoid them by using wisdom and discretion.

I'll close out with a Selwyn Hughes quote I like that says this: “Marriage is an exclusive union between one man and one woman, publicly acknowledged, permanently sealed, and physically consummated.”

Keep it exclusive.

Tell me. What are some things you have had to do to defend your space and keep the "crowds" out and away?