Embracing Who YOU Are: Getting Over the Need to Be "Every Woman"
Whitney Houston’s and Chaka Khan’s renditions of “I’m Every Woman” has sent a resounding message to most women that they can do everything: “I'm every woman, it's all in me, Anything you want done, baby, I'll do it naturally, I'm every woman.” It’s no wonder then that when it comes down to it, we want to be everything. There's something about the idea of being accepted, driven, successful, connected to the right friendships, being recognized for one’s achievements and living an extraordinary life that makes us want to claim that moment of fame, “I’m every woman.” We want to be like our friends. We want her figure, her soft luxurious hair; we want the shopping sprees and luxurious vacations; we want the car she drives; and we want our husbands to give us the material things that her husband gives to her; we want to take care of everyone while neglecting ourselves.
We want to be every woman.
I’m sorry Whitney and Chaka, but you are not every woman, and neither are we. We are women. Not every woman. Only one. And this is how we were created. Whether we think our teeth are crooked; waistline is too large; eyes are too small; feet are too wide; or we are simply too flawed, we are yet women made in the image of God. And everything He has made is good.
Ladies, it’s time that we become comfortable in our own skin. It’s alright to not fit in. It’s alright to not have an understanding of how football works or know how to jump double-dutch. It’s alright if your chocolate chip cookies aren’t perfect and your cake didn’t rise to perfection. It’s alright that your hair frizzes in humidity and your voice cracks a little when you sing. And it’s fine to cry while watching a moving movie if you want to.
But there are things that are not alright to do.
It’s not alright to bash yourself. It’s not alright to see yourself as inferior to anyone. It’s not alright to compare yourself to someone who you deem more successful than you. It’s not alright to think of yourself as being powerless, subordinate or weak. It is not alright to believe you will never excel or come out of an unfriendly life situation. And it is not alright to murmur and complain about your life’s circumstances when you have a loving and merciful Father who has already blessed you with every spiritual blessing (See Ephesians 1:3).
You may have to function each day with courage and constancy knowing that you are hurting inside. You may have to smile and support someone who got the promotion you were more qualified for. And you may have to remain calm and composed when your friend boasts about her advancements knowing that you haven’t advanced from where you were last year this time.
I say to you, I see a woman of greatness. I see a woman with hope. I see a woman who has potential far greater than your wildest imagination. I see in you gifts and talents that are yet to be discovered. I see in you the grace of God to do all things through Him who strengthens you. I see your strength. I see your victories and your breakthroughs. I see you casting in the net for a catch far greater than your net can hold. I see your wisdom. I see your heart’s desire becoming a living reality. I see your value. And yes, I even see your pain.
But through your pain I see your purpose. You were created to leave a positive footprint in the world. Your purpose is the answer to someone’s prayers. Allow your purpose to become your driver. Allow your purpose to encourage your confidence. The Lord is with you as he said through the prophet Isaiah:
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place. Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you. “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.” (Isaiah 43: 2-5 NLT)
You are the woman chosen by God to be in the earth for such a time as this. Rise up to your call. Come from behind the façade and embrace your inner and outward beauty. You are priceless. You are an exceptional woman, strong, determined, loyal, driven, hard working, creative, and passionate. You are not every woman; you are the daughter of the King.
If you’ve been motivated by this column, I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below or you can contact me at dmurphy@eewmagazine.com.
Dr. Deana Murphy is a speaker, educator, blogger, award winning author and founder and CEO of the LivingDesigns360 brand. She specializes in showing over-shadowed women how to renovate their lives and break-free of self-imposed barriers so they can own their power, reclaim their identity and live a blessed life. She helps women confidently change their lives and grow to master the habits of self-esteem, self-confidence and well-being functional in four core areas of life including life improvement, spiritual growth, professional achievement and home and family management. Her holistic methodology to life-improvement engages the unique approach of designing your internal self as one would design their house; room to room meaning from the attic to basement; head to toe. She’s your go-to resource for empowering life makeovers, whether you seek one-on-one consulting, group trainings, workshops or lifestyle makeover events.
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29 Comments
Reader Comments (29)
The tears are just flowing after reading this. My esteem has taken a hard hit after losing my job and my home over the past couple years. I feel so unaccomplished especially because many of my friends are successful. I needed this so badly!
Guilty guilty guilty! I try to do it all and feel so stressed and burnt out. Thanks for the wisdom in this post today
I have always had a complex about my features. My sister was considered the "pretty one" growing up and I felt like I was in competition with that standard of beauty. I think parts of me never got over it because I find it hard not to be envious, jealous, or intimidated by beautiful women. I have been praying and working on this area because I overcompensate with my accomplishments to feel worthy. I have two Master's degrees and a Doctorate. I have a great paying job and beautiful home, but I always feel like I need more, like I want to fill up this hole in my soul left from being not good enough. Your words were like healing salve being rubbed on me as I read this.
I suffer badly with the I am every woman syndrome. It's not until I crash and burn that I slow down.
Praise God Dr. Deana for your pearls of wisdom. " It’s not alright to see yourself as inferior to anyone. It’s not alright to compare yourself to someone who you deem more successful than you." Amen!
My father died when I was 8 and my mother passed when I was 15 so I had no one. My grandmother did the best she could but moving in with her was hard. I grew up wanting appruval so bad. I had no one to valadate me the way I needed. God has been helping me to affirm myself and not wait for sum1 else to. I take the message you wroe here very personal and I am greatful for this.
Yep, this was definitely for me, Dr. Deana. I'm guilty of feeling to need to be every woman.. and everything to everybody. Just can't do it. It's not worth the stress! Thanks for the encouragement, sis!
OMGoodness! This is my weakness. I try to do everything for everyone. My mother is like that. She made it all look so easy but it's not.
When I was back at home my parents pushed me very hard to excel in school. They were very established and respected as pillars of the community. Our family was well-off and I was expected to live up to that legacy. So when I moved out and began making my way forward in life, achievement and accolades were very important to me. They still are. So I find myself trying to be every woman A LOT Dr. Deana. It is something I have placed on the altar before God. Please keep me on the prayer list!
DR. D THIS JUST MORE CONFIRMATION I HAD SHARED ON ANOTHER POST ABOUT THE WONDERFUL CHANGE THAT HAS COME OVER ME,AND HOW NOW I REALIZE THAT I AM GOD'S CHILD AND I HAVE PURPOSE .THANK YOU FOR LETTING GOD USE YOU TO HELP SAVE SO MANY OF US OUT HERE ,AND KILLING THAT MYTH ,I AM GLAD THAT I AM NOT A SUPERWOMAN .
Dear Naomi,
As the old folk say, "Trouble don't last always." I feel your pain. I've experienced losses too. Look into your mirror and see a woman of genius. If greater is he who is in you than he that is in the world, then the genius inside of you will show you the way out with double for your trouble. I am praying for you.
Warmly,
DD
Dear Cora,
No condemnation! No condemnation! No condemnation! We all have been guilty of trying to be what we are not. But he who has begun a good work in you will complete it until Jesus comes. hold onto that!
Warmly,
DD
Dear His Creation,
Everything that God has made is good. He said that he knew you while you were in your mother's womb. See yourself in his beauty and image. Now you can proudly walk by your mirror and wink at "you" --the one who is fearfully and wonderfully made. I'm praying for you to break-free.
Warmly,
DD
Dear Joline,
While be in competition with yourself? God created you with pairs: two eyes, two hands, a pair of feet...get the point? Think about the message in that. Please slow down and pick up only that which "two hands" can handle. I am praying for you to break-free.
Warmly,
DD
That's a good point Dr. Deana. I never thought of things that way. Thank you for your response! I am working on it daily.
Dear Kelly, god has something exceedingly special for you. this is the 5th time that I've tried to post my response to you.
Continue to allow God to affirm you. he has said cursed is the one who trusts in man (Jer. 17:5). God has great plans for you. Plans for success and not suffering. Allow him to manifest his greatness in your life. you have endured a lot. But with God all thins are possible. Keep looking to the hills from where your strength comes. Write him a love letter and share you heart's desires. He has said, "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4). All him to fill in the gaps and take his word as daily medicine. I am praying for you!
Warmly,
DD
Dear Kennisha,
I believe we women in general "believe" we must prove ourselves by being everything to everyone. I too have been guilty of this, but thank God for a sweet awakening! The stress related to your eager to please was probably a sign to step back and take a closer look at yourself. Yes, because it bears stress is the interior evidence that it is NOT God's will. May God's will be done in every area of of your life!
Warmly,
DD
Dear Yvette,
I can hear panicky through your words. But now you know. You don't have to allow this insidious little worm steal your joy. Surely we want to please. We are made in the image of the Ultimate Pleaser. But as Jesus said to Martha, "There is only one thing worth being concerned about" (See Luke 10:41-42). I had to learn this Yvette, and so can you. I am praying for you.
Warmly,
DD
Dear Alexandria,
What you have become may be the result of your parent's directives, but you don't have to remain that way. Remind yourself of this: "Is it more important to me to prove myself to society, or to my God." Alexandria, your parents did what they believe was best for you. I am sure that you are a remarkable woman, but truly, you cannot succeed at being "every woman." Two hands, two eyes, a pair of feet and one mouth operated by one brain is what you have. That's only one woman. Sometimes there are traps laid for us tempting us to succumb to the dictates of society in serving people and things that can ultimately become an idol. It's the insidious notion of the enemy to snare you. I encourage you to read Joshua 24:14-16. Know that I am praying for you and thank you so much for your candid comment.
Warmly,
DD
Dear Sharon,
I, too, am glad that you are not a "superwoman", that is by the world's standards. But in God's eyes, you are more than a conqueror! Showers of blessings on your head.
Warmly,
DD
Dear Pamela,
yes, you are correct......No, it's not alright to see yourself of lesser value than anyone else. Keep confessing that word! Showers of blessings!
Warmly,
DD
Dr. Deana,
As you know, I have been on this journey of recovery from trying to be it all and do it all and am getting a handle on it. I didn't think I needed any encouragement, but reading your words was so sweet. So soothing. Thank you so much for this.
Dear Rhonda,
We all are on a journey. As much as we would like to think so, we never actually arrive. Encouragement and motivation should fill our cup daily and replace that ole worn out medicine cabinet. I am routing for you, and do the same for me. :)
Warmly,
DD
Dr. D,
I had to come back and read this again. I am hanging up my cape today. I am not, nor do I need to be, every woman.
Thank you for these words.
Dear LaKeisha,
Like you, I saw myself in this article. I knew if it spoke to me, it would speak to other women. I am hanging up my cape with you, Sis. Praying for you.
Warmly,
DD