My Cookies Stay In The Jar

By Ashley Peterson:: EEW Magazine Singles

I met a guy a few months ago. Before agreeing to an introduction, it took a lot of convincing from one of my friends from church. “Girl, he seems really nice, like he could potentially be a keeper,” she said.

She was really sold after she said he told her he was looking for a woman who was celibate, because he wasn’t interested in the sex thing. “He was like, been there, done that, and I want something different,” she told me.

I wasn’t really too keen on the idea of meeting him, but she seemed really excited about it, so I agreed.

He came to one of our Bible studies and hung back afterwards to say hello.

Yes, he was very handsome—very. The brother was tall, great teeth, well-dressed, well-spoken, smelled good, all of the above. So, on first impressions, he got a 10, maybe a 10^1/2. He had it together.

Still, I am cautious, because I have been through a whole lot and have pretty much seen it all. And since I am in a good place with God and myself, I don’t want anything to ruin that. It took a long time and a lot of tears for Ashley to be OK.

So fast forward several phone calls and an agreement to meet for coffee at a local spot downtown.

As we move into the conversation phase, he starts talking about how he loves God and is looking for a serious relationship.

I paid attention to everything he said and asked him about when he made the decision to stop fornicating.

He stumbled for a minute and started fumbling over his words. It was very noticeable because he was an excellent communicator before that moment.

He cleared his throat.

“Well, I have been celibate for about 3 months,” he finally got it out.

Curious, I asked what recent turn of events changed his mind about being sexually active outside of marriage.

He told me he had a one-night stand with a young lady and got her pregnant. At the time of our coffee date, she was 4 months along.

Immediately, I saw right through him. I was born at night, but not last night.

Child, bye.

In the middle of swallowing, I think a part of me was still so shocked about what he said, that my coffee went down the wrong pipe. So I started coughing so hard.

I was embarrassed because choking at that moment felt so very cliché. I must have been hacking for a whole minute.

By the time I was able to stop, I had to wipe away tears, blow my nose. It was a mess.

I wish you could have seen Mr. Baby On The Way’s eyes. It was like the coughing spell told him how I felt without me having to do it. I think it was God’s way of helping me “cough out” some sort of reaction.

It was kind of hilarious, pathetic, and awkward all rolled into one.

I’ll save all the details and just tell you I informed him that I thought he needed to be alone with himself and prepare for his new baby. It wasn’t a good time to strike up another relationship and I wasn’t interested in being that new woman in his life. He had too much chaos he needed to work out.

When I spoke to my friend who suggested him and told her what happened, she apologized over and over again. She had no idea he had all that going on.

Thank God I’m serious about keeping my cookies in the jar and finding out who somebody really is before striking up a relationship!

Back in the day, I didn’t ask enough questions. I was too focused on the physical attraction and sexual chemistry, and not enough on who the person really was inside, beyond the external.

I was gullible and pretty much believed whatever I was told, or ascribed to the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy, where I didn’t probe too much. At the time, I didn’t fully understand how to respect myself, honor my body, and wait on God to show me a person’s true nature before hopping into a sexual relationship.

But I am different now and a big part of it, aside from making God Lord of my life, of course, is being serious about not getting into anymore relationships just for the sake of having a man.

Again, my cookies stay in the jar.

I have had men—far too many—and now, I want the one God has for me.

How about you?