Move Forward And Don't Look Back
Last week, I spent some time with my Sweet Ma. We pulled out a movie from her collection and settled upon Waiting to Exhale. My favorite scene from that movie is when Whitney Houston's character, Savannah Jackson, tells the married man who had been using her, to get lost. I still laugh at that part like I've never seen it before.
There's something so gratifying about taking your power back once you have been mishandled by a man you gave your heart to. I had no idea that movie would help prepare me for what would happen later that evening while eating at Red Lobster with Sweet Ma. I like to take her there because she loves the place so much. When we go, without fail, she orders the same thing off the menu.
While I was in the middle of laughing and teasing her about being stuck in her ways, I heard a high-pitched voice call out my name. I instantly thought I knew who it was, but when I turned around to see the person, no one looked familiar in the crowded restaurant.
“That sounds like—”
“Ash!” The piercing voice interrupted me mid-sentence.
When I whipped my head around this time, I saw the face that belonged to the speaker.
Yep. My assumption was right.
“Hello, how are you?” I got up from the table with a forced smile to embrace her.
“Oops!” I said, before getting the opportunity to lean in for a hug. I had accidentally knocked over my glass of water. Whenever I get nervous, I get clumsy, which is how I ended up falling in front of the entire congregation before speaking recently.
Well, I was really nervous and uncomfortable with this unexpected encounter—almost as uncomfortable as I was when I saw my ex, who I call “Mr. You Know Who,” walk up on me in the mall.
As I stripped my white cloth napkin from around the silverware on my table and frantically dabbed away at the spill, I was hoping my unwelcome visitor would say “See you later!” and go off on her merry way. But the woman I used to think was going to someday be my mother-in-law, just stood there as my grandma and I cleaned up the mess I made.
Just like her son—my cheating ex—she was always persistent.
I already knew in my heart she wanted to talk to me about him, which I really didn’t want to do.
When I looked up at my Sweet Ma, who was quiet as a church mouse, I knew what her silence meant. She thought I could handle this one on my own. So that’s just what I did.
“Did you want to talk to me about something?” I asked, pretending not to feel the knot in my throat choking me, while pushing the wet napkins aside. I already knew the answer.
“Yeah, just for a few minutes. My table’s right over there,” she pointed across the room, which looked to be a mile away. She told me she was meeting up with a few friends, but her party had not yet arrived.
I hoped they would get there soon to save me from this torture chamber which took on the form of a private booth next to a window.
No sooner than we sat down, my ex-mother-in-law-to-be started her game of twenty questions. She wanted to know how I was doing; who I was dating; where I was living… but I knew where all of this was headed.
“Have you talked to ‘em lately?” she snuck in the million dollar question while tapping her long red acrylic fingernails on the table.
I just shook my head no.
“You should,” she said, reaching out to touch my clenched hands and popping her gum. “You know he loves you to death baby girl. He just made some mistakes, but he ain’t livin’ that life no more.”
My ex’s mother has always been his savior and enabler. She cleans up his messes and speaks for him when necessary. Even though she will tell him when he’s wrong, she will also, in the same breath, make excuses for his behavior. Because of that, we always had a very tense relationship and that tension was very obvious at that moment.
“You know I love you,” I replied, pulling my hand away. “But what happened with us is between me and him, and that relationship is over. He knows that already.”
Sensing my seriousness—she is very sharp when it comes to reading people—she said, “Alright baby girl. How ‘bout this? Just give me your number so I can call you sometime.” She reached inside her Louis Vuitton handbag and pulled out her iPhone.
That’s when I cocked my head to the side, twisted my lip, and gave her the look. You know that look that says, “Don’t even try it.”
Yeah, that one.
Giving her my number would have been just like handing it to my ex and I was smarter than that.
Without having to say a word, my facial expression said it all. She started laughing and said, “Alright, okay, okay. You serious, huh?”
I said two words: sure am. And I was done with it.
I didn't feel any anger, bitterness, or animosity in my heart. I was, am, just over it. I'm moving forward and I refuse to look back.
After we said our goodbyes, I walked over and told my Sweet Ma everything that happened. We shared laughs and enjoyed our meal. I even waved at my ex-mother-in-law-to-be on my way out.
This time, however, she tried to dodge my gaze.
I think she knew that “baby girl” had grown up and was no longer willing to be controlled by anyone, except the Holy Spirit.
There again was another victory. What I thought was a chance encounter, I now realize, didn’t happen by chance at all. God had allowed that to occur to show me how strong I am in my resolve keep it moving.
I used to think I would never be able to resist my ex and stand firm on my convictions, but by the power of God, I have truly changed. I can’t say I like all the reminders of the man who hurt me and broke my heart in pieces, but I do like the outcome of these encounters.
They show me that old things are truly passed away and I am, by the grace of God, brand new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV tells me, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
So are you. You’re stronger, wiser, better. But it takes being confronted with some things to prove to you that you are.
Don’t run away from the challenges. Face them. And after you do, face forward.
5 Comments
Reader Comments (5)
God is truly using you to guide us, "US" meaning our strong women. For about 8 months now and counting for some reason, I can't wait until I am confronted by this challenge. I have been seperated from my EX for 8 months and it has been very difficult. Even through prayer, counseling and motivation, its just hard. There are no words, but I invitied this man to an event that I am hosting, and let me tell you that was a hard pill to swallow, BUT my challenge here is for me and me alone. He stated that he was bringing someone, someone which I do not know, but I have a feeling it will be a lady friend. However the challenge for me is to face it head on and I am as ready as I can be. Yes I am sure there will be some anamosity but sometimes you have to face reality and I know that it is really OVER, and now I can move on with my life. Seeing him with another women will at first make me cringe but then again I might just need to see that. Sometimes all you need is a little clairification. Thank you ASH!
@Kisha, I know exactly what you mean. That separation is HARD, HARD, HARD in the early stages! But you are a strong woman indeed. The first time I saw my ex after we broke up was a really emotional experience for me, but I got through it and actually felt stronger after the fact. I know it won't be easy but the Lord will carry you through as you get closure on the relationship. Thanks for sharing Kisha!
Ash :-)
Ashley, I love your transparency, and how you use your singleness and the things you've experienced and currently encounter to empower and encourage other women. This is what other single, saved women need...someone they can truly relate to.
Blessings to you!
LaKeisha
Wow! I'm honored and I admire you so much LaKeisha! I enjoy your writing. It uplifts me so much. Thank you for reading my column and encouraging me in my openness. I know that God didn't have me go through so many things to hide it. Being a blessing gives purpose to all that struggle! God bless.
I have to go to an event and my ex's family is going to be there. Lord help me! This article just gave me LIFE. THANK YOU ASHLEY! Feeling stronger already. :)