Let Him See the REAL Me
“Are you serious?” I laughed, watching my friend put on a full face of makeup to get the mail from her mailbox. I stopped by early that day to drop off a few Tupperware dishes after finishing up the delicious leftovers she gave me.
This sister, who I have known for years, is one amazing cook! She is thinking about going into business for herself as a caterer. I tell her all the time she should go for it.
She’s 31, single, no children, and very ambitious. Besides, some of her side dishes put my Sweet Ma to shame and I know my grandmother can throw down in the kitchen.
Well, we were talking about possible business names and things like that when she broke out her M.A.C. makeup.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“To get the mail in a minute,” she said, letting her bottom lip fall open to carefully apply her favorite shade—Viva Glam V1.
“Girl, I never go out anywhere without looking fly,” she said, rubbing her lips together to even out the color. “Shoot, my husband might be outside the day I choose to go out looking busted!”
By then, I had turned red laughing at her. She is so animated when she talks and is a natural comedienne.
“Hand me that blush brush,” she pointed to the black patent leather makeup pouch full of all sorts of different brushes with special numbers.
“How do you find anything in here?” I asked, confused by this huge collection. “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I guess it’s because I use it so often.”
And she means often, as in every. Single. Day.
Looking every bit like a gorgeous M.A.C. model, she wears a full face of makeup to the grocery store, post office, to take out the trash, or anywhere that requires her face to see the light of day.
“You look beautiful, I’ll give you that,” I said shaking my head, still looking through all the shades of makeup and different brushes. Her collection has to be worth thousands of dollars. “But I don’t know if I could do all of that daily! My hat is off to you though.”
I looked in the mirror at the small bags and dark circles around my eyes; discolored patches on my cheeks; and a few small pimples—all things I know how to cover with concealer and foundation.
“Looking nice is one thing,” I said rubbing her toning lotion on my face. “But if I have to be completely done every time he sees me, child, that is too much work.”
She licked her teeth and flashed them in the mirror to make sure her pearly whites were not stained.
“I say, hey, let him see the real me,” I shrugged. “And if he doesn’t like it, well then he can keep it right on moving.”
My friend told me she wishes she could be more like that, but struggles with low self-esteem, and feels uncomfortable exposing her flaws—something I never would have guessed. It felt ironic, too, since God has been leading me to write about image a lot in my columns.
I told her how beautiful she is and not because of the makeup, but just because God made her that way. “Whoever God sends into your life will love you the way you are,” I said. “Don’t be afraid to be yourself. You are enough.”
We bonded that day and had a real honest conversation that a lot of singles need to have. We, of course, want to look good on the outside. But if that need consumes us, then we need to ask ourselves what is the deeper issue.
“Whatever you did to get him, you’ll have to do to keep him,” is what my Sweet Ma always says. And looking like “Ms. Perfect” is too unrealistic a goal and too high a standard to set.
I believe God wants to reprogram us single ladies, so we won’t try to live up to some false ideal. One of my favorite scriptures to help me keep things in perspective is 1 Peter 3:4—“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within…”
There is nothing wrong about fixing up. Every woman likes to get dolled up. So do I! But we have to make sure we are not hiding behind makeup, designer clothes, expensive hairdos, and superficial things, without dealing with who we are inside.
I already know about trying to be perfect and still having my relationship fail; working out like a dog in the gym, only to have him cheat anyway; making sure not a hair is out of place, while still not being able to capture his wandering eye.
Lord knows I am an expert at what doesn’t work in relationships and I can tell you, the external is not what keeps a man—especially, if he doesn’t want to be kept.
It is not the outside that is most important. It is the “hidden person of the heart” that matters most.
Let's Discuss: Since this series on singles and beauty is really striking a chord with so many women, please share your thoughts about this in the comments section. How do we balance the world’s standards of beauty, without measuring ourselves by them? How do you feel about outward appearance when it comes to being found by your mate? How important is fixing up the outside?
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Reader Comments (10)
Great post, so many women are tiring themselves out by striving to please man. The best way to do this is to please the Lord first, to accept God's love for you, then you will at peace with yourself and will know your value. If a man can't love me the way God loves me then that tells me that I need to re-evaluate his purpose in my life. No man is perfect and of course they are attracted to physical beauty but he should first love you for who you are. This is one of the main reasons why you have to be prayerful about your future Husband.
This scriptures comes to mind
Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Another Awesome post! In order to feel pretty, beautiful, healthy you must first have self confidence from within. This may not be easy to some because of past relationships etc. I am a natural women all natural to be exact, and I donot wear make-up. But I didnt grow up with a mom who wore make-up either. My family of women are very strong, confident individuals. We think very highly of ourselves. Were no Halle Berry or Beyonce but we are very attractive people. Confidence has to come from a self evaluation of who you are, and how do you want others to portray you. I actually think that men like woman who are naturally themselves.
I agree Kisha, I think you have to be comfortable in your own skin in order for others to be comfortable around you too. I have experienced that first hand, unfortunately. I don't really wear too much makeup either, mostly just tinted lip gloss and some powder/foundation, but I struggle with self-esteem issues. It is something that I have dealt with all of my life, not feeling pretty enough and constantly comparing myself to others. I used to feel like men didn't approach me because I wasn't attractive but I am beginning to realize that maybe the problem lies in my low self-esteem and that they can sense that, and therefore, choose not to approach me because of that. I think that alot of my low self-esteem came from my mom being so overly critical of my looks, even to this day sometimes. I live with her currently and it gets hard sometimes to deal with her crticizing how I wear my hair, my makeup, clothes, all of the time, and I am 30 yrs. old. I try to dress nice and am well groomed so I don't understand why she is so critical of me and sometimes it's hard to deal with and affects me more than I realize. I don't think that many of us are aware that men can sense our low self-esteem through how we carry ourselves, if we seem to fade in the background alot, trying not to be noticed (which is me) or if we try to cover how we "really" look with a bunch of makeup and fake hair all of the time, as if we're ashamed of our looks. It is definitely a process, but am learning, although slowly, that I wonderfully made and that the Lord didn't make any junk, so if a man can't appreciate me, for me, then he's not worth my time anyway. In reference to your article Ashley, I am always amazed by women who are so pretty, but yet still have self-esteem issues and problems with their looks, but I guess it is just a part of being female for many of us.
Such a timely post! I usually have a lot to say but I'll keep it short. Once your inside image is made WHOLE by the glory of God and all of His work on the inside of you, it will radiate to the outside. What's in you will come out. If you are broken, it will show. If you are arrogant, it will show. If you have a negative image of yourself, it will show. It always does. No matter how nice you dress, how much make up you put on, how much make up you DON’T put on…as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. So, if low self-esteem, bitterness, pride, envy, jealousy, etc. is in your heart than all of the rest of you will follow. On the contrary, if you are whole and complete in God, full of His love, character, joy, peace, full of His image of beauty on the inside, the rest of you will follow. The world teaches fix the outside and the inside will follow. God teaches fix the inside and the outside will follow. Ask me how I know….:)
I think it's important, but I'm not like your gal in this article. I put on my concealer and lips before I go to the store or another place, but not the mailbox. You're liable to see me with a do-rag on my head and some sweats.
With that, let me drop this real quick: you need to be your authentic self no matter what. When God gives you that man of your dreams -- the one He designed for you -- MAC can only go so far when the lights are out!
Amen Tamara!!! Amen!
Great comment Tamara, you're so wise : )
Praise God for His wisdom! I am only speaking from what I have personally lived. I was the opposite. I tried to hide myself because of self-esteem issues. But once the Lord mended my inside, it's like His glory was bursting to get out of the seams. Now I've noticed that I want my outside environment to reflect the true beauty of God because my heart is filled with it.
To the young lady (Anita) whose mother is always talking about how she wears her hair and clothes. Sweetie, that is a spirit working through your mother. In your prayer time, ask the Lord to show you what it is and the root of it. Then pray for the Lord to pluck up that root (Matt 15:13) and heal your mother. Next, ask the Lord heal you and LOVE ON YOU so that you can give that love back to her. At each season of our lives we must seek the Lord for the purpose of the season and the beauty of it.
This is so dear to my heart because I feel not many women hear this! I have never worn make-up & pass women each day covered in jewelry & make up & feel bad for them. I also see a lot of women in girdles & "shapers" trying to hide their big stomaches. I figured if I have this stomach, I won't hide it because that's trickery. Too much weight is placed on the outter & the inner is neglected.
Please write more frequently.