“Are you serious?” I laughed, watching my friend put on a full face of makeup to get the mail from her mailbox. I stopped by early that day to drop off a few Tupperware dishes after finishing up the delicious leftovers she gave me.
This sister, who I have known for years, is one amazing cook! She is thinking about going into business for herself as a caterer. I tell her all the time she should go for it.
She’s 31, single, no children, and very ambitious. Besides, some of her side dishes put my Sweet Ma to shame and I know my grandmother can throw down in the kitchen.
Well, we were talking about possible business names and things like that when she broke out her M.A.C. makeup.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“To get the mail in a minute,” she said, letting her bottom lip fall open to carefully apply her favorite shade—Viva Glam V1.
“Girl, I never go out anywhere without looking fly,” she said, rubbing her lips together to even out the color. “Shoot, my husband might be outside the day I choose to go out looking busted!”
By then, I had turned red laughing at her. She is so animated when she talks and is a natural comedienne.
“Hand me that blush brush,” she pointed to the black patent leather makeup pouch full of all sorts of different brushes with special numbers.
“How do you find anything in here?” I asked, confused by this huge collection. “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I guess it’s because I use it so often.”
And she means often, as in every. Single. Day.
Looking every bit like a gorgeous M.A.C. model, she wears a full face of makeup to the grocery store, post office, to take out the trash, or anywhere that requires her face to see the light of day.
“You look beautiful, I’ll give you that,” I said shaking my head, still looking through all the shades of makeup and different brushes. Her collection has to be worth thousands of dollars. “But I don’t know if I could do all of that daily! My hat is off to you though.”
I looked in the mirror at the small bags and dark circles around my eyes; discolored patches on my cheeks; and a few small pimples—all things I know how to cover with concealer and foundation.
“Looking nice is one thing,” I said rubbing her toning lotion on my face. “But if I have to be completely done every time he sees me, child, that is too much work.”
She licked her teeth and flashed them in the mirror to make sure her pearly whites were not stained.
“I say, hey, let him see the real me,” I shrugged. “And if he doesn’t like it, well then he can keep it right on moving.”
My friend told me she wishes she could be more like that, but struggles with low self-esteem, and feels uncomfortable exposing her flaws—something I never would have guessed. It felt ironic, too, since God has been leading me to write about image a lot in my columns.
I told her how beautiful she is and not because of the makeup, but just because God made her that way. “Whoever God sends into your life will love you the way you are,” I said. “Don’t be afraid to be yourself. You are enough.”
We bonded that day and had a real honest conversation that a lot of singles need to have. We, of course, want to look good on the outside. But if that need consumes us, then we need to ask ourselves what is the deeper issue.
“Whatever you did to get him, you’ll have to do to keep him,” is what my Sweet Ma always says. And looking like “Ms. Perfect” is too unrealistic a goal and too high a standard to set.
I believe God wants to reprogram us single ladies, so we won’t try to live up to some false ideal. One of my favorite scriptures to help me keep things in perspective is 1 Peter 3:4—“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within…”
There is nothing wrong about fixing up. Every woman likes to get dolled up. So do I! But we have to make sure we are not hiding behind makeup, designer clothes, expensive hairdos, and superficial things, without dealing with who we are inside.
I already know about trying to be perfect and still having my relationship fail; working out like a dog in the gym, only to have him cheat anyway; making sure not a hair is out of place, while still not being able to capture his wandering eye.
Lord knows I am an expert at what doesn’t work in relationships and I can tell you, the external is not what keeps a man—especially, if he doesn’t want to be kept.
It is not the outside that is most important. It is the “hidden person of the heart” that matters most.
Let's Discuss: Since this series on singles and beauty is really striking a chord with so many women, please share your thoughts about this in the comments section. How do we balance the world’s standards of beauty, without measuring ourselves by them? How do you feel about outward appearance when it comes to being found by your mate? How important is fixing up the outside?