Unfaithful Man; Faithful God: The Hurt that Introduced me to Jesus
“He must be crazy!” I thought to myself.
But then, I heard a voice speaking back to me telling me to “Look at myself, not him.”
I knew no one else, other than my boyfriend, was in the room, but I could hear someone other than him talking to me. At that time, however, I didn’t know enough about God to recognize His voice. Now I realize it was Him talking as I sat on the edge of my bed that January night, crying so hard, after seeing an inappropriate text message from “my man” to another woman.
Usually, his phone was glued to his hip. But that night, after coming down with a fever, sore throat, and body aches, he fell asleep after taking some cold medicine.
I believe God allowed it to happen.
It wasn’t even my intent to snoop, but the phone buzzed a few times and I picked it up. I didn’t expect to see “Hey baby, why didn’t you call me?” flash across his screen. Baby? That text wasn’t from me… or his mother!
And then… it got worse. I saw the string of text messages.
I read the sexual conversations he didn’t delete. I scrolled through pictures from this mysterious woman that made my face turn red. I literally felt physically sick.
I had suspected that my then boyfriend was cheating on me. I could feel it in my gut.
Now, if you haven’t personally experienced infidelity, you won’t know what I’m talking about. But if you’ve ever dealt with repeated unfaithfulness like I did, you know that feeling. There’s a deep knowing inside.
You can perceive that he’s just not acting right. The excuses start mounting up. He vehemently denies any accusations and turns everything back on you. But still, inwardly, there’s a certainty that he isn’t being loyal.
I knew it, but my pride and my heart couldn’t take it.
Admitting the truth about his philandering ways would force me to be honest about all I had given up; the compromises I made; the dignity I voluntarily released for the sake of the relationship.
But as I sobbed to the point of not being able to breathe, through swollen eyes, I glanced over at the nightstand where my grandmother had given me a Bible I never read before that day. I couldn’t tell you at the time why I reached out for the book that had been nothing more than a prop next to my sinful bed.
Before I opened it, that’s when I heard that voice telling me to look at myself. And there I sat in silence except for his light snores and my stifled sobs—I didn’t want to wake him up. I didn’t want him to know what I had seen. I’m not sure why, because technically, I should have went off! He should have had some fist-induced body aches from a scorned girlfriend.
But I didn’t fly off the handle because I think I was too hurt and devastated. So I opened the Bible. I can still hear the rustle of the formerly untouched pages. Immediately, it fell open to Psalm 139:14 which said, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
In that moment, while feeling worthless because the man I loved cheated on me and betrayed my trust, God, through His word, was telling me I was worth something. He let me know I had value!
Wow.
That hit me right in the heart.
Suddenly, I grabbed my keys—crying hysterically—and drove to my Sweet Ma’s house. She only lived 5 minutes away from me at the time. When I walked in crying uncontrollably, she didn’t ask me what was wrong. She didn’t get nervous or flustered.
She just started praying for me.
My Sweet Ma can pray like no other!
That night, I was tired. I officially had had enough. And you know what I did? I gave my heart to Jesus Christ on the spot, right in my grandmother’s living room, standing on that green shaggy carpet.
Two weeks later, I completely broke all ties with the man I thought I would marry—the most painful but best decision of my life next to giving my heart to Christ. I moved in with Sweet Ma until I could get on my feet.
She continued to fill me up with the word of God. She got me involved in good Bible-believing church. And the rest is history.
As I walk out this single, saved, and satisfied journey, the word of God is my lifeline. It helps me see how beautiful and loved I am by Jesus Christ. And the scriptures teach me what my purpose is and remind me that my body is a temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
Today I wanted to share my story with my amazing readers to tell you that my dependence on the word of God has helped shape my perspective about who I am and whose I am.
He has taught me that whether or not I have a natural man to hold me, there is man named Jesus that loves me better than anyone else ever has, or ever will.
He is all I need.
He is all you need.
And if you are feeling low or unhappy—in a relationship or not—know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are beautiful, valued, and loved.
Ashley Peterson is a staff writer for EEW Magazine. Her goal is to discuss current issues related to single women and help them lead a single, saved, and satisfied like the way God intends.
Email Ashley Peterson:
ashley.peterson@eewmagazine.com
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Reader Comments (11)
When I read this tears just started coming. I am presently in a situation with a serial cheater. In my heart I don't want to face it but I need to. I will email you the rest. God bless you.
Whoa! What a powerful testimony. God is so GREAT! To see where he has brought you from makes my heart leap for joy. Praise God for all that he is, and all that he is doing in your life.
I had to take a deep breath while reading your story...it is just like reliving my own, the circumstances are so similar...I can remember the exact moment that I had had enough and let it all go...it was very painful at the time, but I agree with you in saying it was the best decision. There are times when God will cause us to see clearly what we've been trying to ignore..it's not easy but it is necessary for us to realize how valuable we are in God's eyes.... God bless you for sharing this!
Ashley this is powerful! I feel like @Kim!! I've been through a similar ordeal and it was so painful, but I thank God that HE brought me out. It's not always easy (my situation is still fresh from 8 months ago) but God is good.
Miss Ashley, I'd just like to say from one young sister in Christ.....I love you! I love the transparency that only comes through your stories. Thank you for sharing these parts of your life with the world! I know it would be more comforatable to just keep these private matters to yourself; but you use them to bless others. It's because of your testemonies that I am able to avoid certain pitfalls that the enemy has set for me in the (very recent) past. I pray that you will continue to be encoraged and uplifted everyday through the Word of God. I pray that you will walk in unusual favor and blessings all the days of your life (including your family). Again, thank you, thank you, thank you!
the sad thing is we dont teach our daughters that a boyfriend is no more committed to you than a man in the moon. when you dont have a COURTSHIP or a PROMISE to be married, men are mostly likely willing to do whatever. I will pray for you as well as myself not to fall again into this trap fool me once fool me twice the devil fool me three times im the fool take care.
i really am upset that so many women myself included fall into this, God's word is a shield but i mean a man who is not pledged to marry you has NO obligation to you, other than a promise or OATH which in God's eyes is binding but honestly if you never PROMISE to be faithful to someone this is not something u can 'take for granted; that;s why we need to read his word, I heard a preacher say wisdom CRIES out. But i truly believe in a man's eyes if he hasnt promised anything to you (its not right) he feels no obligation to you what so ever, because if he LOVED me he would MARRY me not simply date. DATING is only to see if i WANT to marry you not to try you out. NOt to realise this man from guilt but seriously in his eyes there probably isnt any, not INFIDELITY that only accords when you imply that you will be my one and only otherwise MANY men feel like you dont own them. EVEn tho is SIN is LYING, not really infidelity because to them if you are MARRIED to them, its not really cheating. Straight up. According to GOD is not nice, but its not adultery ( maybe to the women because of lust) but you are just a friend then, but Im sleeping with a man who's not my husband, i dont think its adultery unless you are married( i mean its adultery if he looks at ME with lust and theres no promise or ring) then its fornication and if he can fornicate he's already not faithful to the LORD, it just tells you about his character.
May 29th, 2005. That was my moment that I sat in a friend’s car and made a call that sealed what I already felt in my spirit—my so called boyfriend was engaged to be married. I always felt he had someone but I didn’t think he was engaged. The physical sickness—yeah I felt that too so I know exactly what you meant when you said. That ex went on and married. I was left to pick up the pieces by myself. The pain was excruciating because it felt like the air was sucked right out of my lungs.
I had a relationship with Christ and so did he. However, it was at that moment that asked God this one question “Lord, what inside of me caused me to keep him around even though I felt something wasn’t right?” God began to show me, me! He began to show me my deeply rooted insecurities and fears. He revealed to me how I was one of those “silly women” and how I entertained him because he had a “form of godliness”. But, the greatest revelation God gave to me was this, “Tamara, he can’t be your husband because spiritually, he’d suffocate you.” I have never looked back and have used that experience to propel to a life pleasing to God while also helping women avoid that same pitfall.
Ladies, these comments have blessed me so tremendously! Thanks for sharing your heart and receiving what is in mine. You all ROCK!
Ok -my bad! I posted a message a little earlier b4 I read the other 2
Articles, my apologies. Carry on n Jesus' name!
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I would bravely recommend this lady to anyone experiencing family trauma, her email is priestessifaa@yahoo.com. i met her through a friend that she has helped before.