“He must be crazy!” I thought to myself.
But then, I heard a voice speaking back to me telling me to “Look at myself, not him.”
I knew no one else, other than my boyfriend, was in the room, but I could hear someone other than him talking to me. At that time, however, I didn’t know enough about God to recognize His voice. Now I realize it was Him talking as I sat on the edge of my bed that January night, crying so hard, after seeing an inappropriate text message from “my man” to another woman.
Usually, his phone was glued to his hip. But that night, after coming down with a fever, sore throat, and body aches, he fell asleep after taking some cold medicine.
I believe God allowed it to happen.
It wasn’t even my intent to snoop, but the phone buzzed a few times and I picked it up. I didn’t expect to see “Hey baby, why didn’t you call me?” flash across his screen. Baby? That text wasn’t from me… or his mother!
And then… it got worse. I saw the string of text messages.
I read the sexual conversations he didn’t delete. I scrolled through pictures from this mysterious woman that made my face turn red. I literally felt physically sick.
I had suspected that my then boyfriend was cheating on me. I could feel it in my gut.
Now, if you haven’t personally experienced infidelity, you won’t know what I’m talking about. But if you’ve ever dealt with repeated unfaithfulness like I did, you know that feeling. There’s a deep knowing inside.
You can perceive that he’s just not acting right. The excuses start mounting up. He vehemently denies any accusations and turns everything back on you. But still, inwardly, there’s a certainty that he isn’t being loyal.
I knew it, but my pride and my heart couldn’t take it.
Admitting the truth about his philandering ways would force me to be honest about all I had given up; the compromises I made; the dignity I voluntarily released for the sake of the relationship.
But as I sobbed to the point of not being able to breathe, through swollen eyes, I glanced over at the nightstand where my grandmother had given me a Bible I never read before that day. I couldn’t tell you at the time why I reached out for the book that had been nothing more than a prop next to my sinful bed.
Before I opened it, that’s when I heard that voice telling me to look at myself. And there I sat in silence except for his light snores and my stifled sobs—I didn’t want to wake him up. I didn’t want him to know what I had seen. I’m not sure why, because technically, I should have went off! He should have had some fist-induced body aches from a scorned girlfriend.
But I didn’t fly off the handle because I think I was too hurt and devastated. So I opened the Bible. I can still hear the rustle of the formerly untouched pages. Immediately, it fell open to Psalm 139:14 which said, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
In that moment, while feeling worthless because the man I loved cheated on me and betrayed my trust, God, through His word, was telling me I was worth something. He let me know I had value!
Wow.
That hit me right in the heart.
Suddenly, I grabbed my keys—crying hysterically—and drove to my Sweet Ma’s house. She only lived 5 minutes away from me at the time. When I walked in crying uncontrollably, she didn’t ask me what was wrong. She didn’t get nervous or flustered.
She just started praying for me.
My Sweet Ma can pray like no other!
That night, I was tired. I officially had had enough. And you know what I did? I gave my heart to Jesus Christ on the spot, right in my grandmother’s living room, standing on that green shaggy carpet.
Two weeks later, I completely broke all ties with the man I thought I would marry—the most painful but best decision of my life next to giving my heart to Christ. I moved in with Sweet Ma until I could get on my feet.
She continued to fill me up with the word of God. She got me involved in good Bible-believing church. And the rest is history.
As I walk out this single, saved, and satisfied journey, the word of God is my lifeline. It helps me see how beautiful and loved I am by Jesus Christ. And the scriptures teach me what my purpose is and remind me that my body is a temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
Today I wanted to share my story with my amazing readers to tell you that my dependence on the word of God has helped shape my perspective about who I am and whose I am.
He has taught me that whether or not I have a natural man to hold me, there is man named Jesus that loves me better than anyone else ever has, or ever will.
He is all I need.
He is all you need.
And if you are feeling low or unhappy—in a relationship or not—know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are beautiful, valued, and loved.
Ashley Peterson is a staff writer for EEW Magazine. Her goal is to discuss current issues related to single women and help them lead a single, saved, and satisfied like the way God intends.
Email Ashley Peterson:
ashley.peterson@eewmagazine.com