Helpful Strategies for Impatient Mothers: Teaching Patience by Example
“Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city” (Proverbs 16:32—NLT).
We want it quick and easy. No waiting in line or in that traffic jam, for the snail mail, on the stove, or for that child to just do what he's told without teaching him how. We lack patience and this shows on our faces, in sounds and words from our mouths, and in the way we tap a foot and pace around. We lack patience and teach our children the same; at least I know I do.
Once someone was driving about 20 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone and decided to get in front of me. On this day I decided to see if I could maneuver around her but felt myself getting to my tipping point and before I could say or do anything, my nine year old shouts, "Come on people! What are you doing?" The sheer enormity of anger in his voice let me know that I had gotten highly worked up too many times in his presence. I couldn't just reprimand him for being impatient. I had to talk to him about working up anger, shouting at an old lady and huffing about someone not driving to his liking, all things I had done before. I had to apologize for setting that example and tell him why having patience, as we are told to seek in 1 Peter 1:6, is a better way.
Having patience will help my child not to be a prodigal son. Most of us know the biblical story. A man's son wanted his inheritance before his father died. He insisted and his father gave his son the money and the son spent his inheritance on riotous living in a faraway country (Luke 15:11-13). The son “joined himself to a citizen of that country,” suffered hunger and lived worse than a pig, all because he lacked patience. “[W]hen he came to himself” he realized that life in that faraway country was not meant for him. He knew that his father's house had everything he needed and enough to spare. He knew that his father's son wasn't born for low-level living. He decided to return to the land of his inheritance, to reap the benefits of living in his father's house, following the life his father had for him.
As Christians, citizens of the Kingdom of God, we have been called to live according to our Father's standards so we can reap the great benefits He has for us. This is what we have to teach our children, though if we struggle with having patience ourselves we may have a hard time with it. Having patience is something I've been working on for years. I want people to think fast, stop whining, woman up, be excellent YESTERDAY and simply stop going around that mountain yet another time. I want people to be mature, but my impatience reveals that I'm lacking maturity, no matter how much I like to think I have arrived. And citizens of God's Kingdom are called to be mature.
James 1:4 says, “But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” This perfect has the sense of being mature, “reaching the proper height of virtue and integrity...in mind and character” (Blue Letter Bible Lexicon). And entire means that you will be ethically free from sin. So, you will make mistakes, but if you embrace patience you won't make ethical missteps. Having patience allows you to be a person who has the ultimate strength and integrity in the way you think and behave. With our world being full of back room deals, prophets for profit, and sex selling everything, including to our children, we need people who have allowed patience to have her perfect work in them. Christian parents have to take the time to nurture our children in patience so we groom Kingdom citizens worthy of Kingdom citizenship.
To help us and our children have patience we can remember that we are 1) commanded to have patience (Psalm 37:9; Galatians 5:16, 22; 1 Thessalonians 5:14); told the benefits of patience (Galatians 6:9; Hebrews 10:36; Romans 5:3); and 3) given the consequences of impatience (Psalm 15:18; Luke 15:11-17). Knowing that having patience is what God commands us to do, that we will receive all that God has promised (including experience) when we are patient, and we will engender anger, strife and immaturity if we don’t have patience will cause most of us to strive for this blessed gift from God.
When we fail to be patient we have strained relationships, inferior results, increased stress, and unrealistic expectations. We must help our children understand the axioms; good friendships take effort; craftsmanship takes time; there is no benefit in working up their blood pressure; and they can't get something for nothing. We can help them practice patience by
1) doing the activities listed in my column on self control (because a lack of patience always leads to a lack of self control);
2) remembering the above axioms;
3) recalling the disastrous effects of impatience; and
4) speaking forth the benefits of patience.
We were born to allow patience to have her perfect work in us so we exhibit virtue and integrity in our talk and walk. This is the legacy we are destined to leave our children so they learn to always put the Kingdom first.
Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech instructor & communications coordinator turned full-time homemaker & journalist. The writing of this committed wife and mother who earned her Bachelor’s degree in journalism and a Master’s degree in communication from Wayne State University, Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit News, Newsday (New York), Chicago Tribune, Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry functions, writes and edits newsletters for Christian ministries, and teaches public speaking workshops. Three times a week, she encourages women to lean on God's strength instead of their own through her blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman. She, her husband and three sons attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where they live.
Email Rhonda Smith:
rhonda@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com
14 Comments
Reader Comments (14)
I laughed out loud about your son yelling out in the car! I feel like this is a page ripped right out of my life. I am very impatient, especially while I'm driving!!! But that's not the only area. I lack patience in general and so I snap a lot which is something I need to really work on. Thank you for your openness and honesty. I feel like I'm not alone and there's hope for me yet!
Every time you publish a new article I read it. I am learning so much about myself as a mother. Things I didn't have anyone else to teach me growing up because. I spent most of my life in foster care. Both my parents had personal issues that stpped em from being in my life, so when I had kids of my own I loved them to death but I didn't really know how to relate to them as a mother. I still had a lot of anger and unresolved issues I was dealing with. I have made some mistakes and I can be very impatitent. But I'm getting better everyday. I will work on my attitude.
You pegged me here! LOL! I'm gonna do better. Lord help me please!!!
This is one of the most important parenting lessons I've learned. What I model my children will imitate. I want to make sure I'm modeling the right things.!
It's like follow the leader. They will do whatever you and I do. Thanks for the reminder and the supporting scriptures. Good stuff!
*Raises hand slowly and whispers guilty* I feel better knowing I'm not alone. Gotta work on the road rage I guess!
What a cute story about your son! I couldn't stop laughing. Adorable!
What a great mom you are! Thanks for setting such a wonderful example.
Yes ma'am. I have to watch myself. It's certain times of the month when my patience flees. Otherwise, I'm pretty good. But I definitely know when I am crossing the line. Lord, help me to maintain.
Thanks Rhonda for the reminder that patience is a virtue.
OK, I confess...I can be pretty impatient sometimes, especially behind the wheel!! Help, Lord!!
Enjoyed this, Rhonda!
Impatience is my biggest hang up. I will do a better job from here on out. Thanks for the challenge!
Hey Ladies,
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. Whether you learned something new, got a refresher or were spurred on to good works, I praise God that you got something from this article. Again, thank you Naomi, Tee, Lauren, Denise, E.M., Fatima, D. Hill, Dominique (and for the compliment), Dr. Michelle, LaKeisha, and Shanti. Together, we can do this!
I came from a household where we just said whatever was on our mind and when it came to patience, shoot. What was that? We would get smacked in the mouth faster than we could blink and that was the end of the conversation. I never wanted to be like that with my kids but I do still have traces of that in my personality. My first response is to lash out or hit or yell because that's how we handled things where I come from. Changing has been a journey! But I'm open to it.
So glad you are open to change, Sundra. This is the first great step toward change. May God bless you on your journey.