Keep Your Guard Up: Protect Marriage From Adultery
Article By LaTonia Irving:: EEW Magazine Marriage
Last week, I wrote about moving beyond adultery based on Ebony Magazine’s breaking story that Grammy Award-winning singer Tina Campbell’s husband had had an affair, which caused quite a kerfuffle online.
Now, after reading the full feature on page 106 of the current issue of Ebony, I have a clearer perspective of what happened.
The unfortunate incident took place approximately 2 1/2 years ago, but Teddy just got around to confessing, fearing that the news would leak since his wife is now a reality TV star. Basically, the contrite husband said the Lord told him to out himself, or else.
So he dropped the bombshell on his better half this past February, which means this marital crisis is very new.
Adding insult to injury, the woman who engaged in the taboo relationship with the high-profile singer’s spouse, was a longtime family friend according to the publication.
That surely hurt.
So how did Tina handle it?
“You know she exchanged texts with the chick, who was promptly excommunicated from the family and then changed all her numbers,” reports Ebony.
Naturally, the betrayed wife did what any other woman would do: she promptly severed the relationship and disassociated with the friend, turned betrayer. That was a healthy choice. But there was something unhealthy still lingering and festering inside.
“I was working to become an evil, angry, unforgiving person,” Tina recalls, not really knowing how to process such a hard blow.
That’s understandable. How in the world do you move forward after dealing with a double betrayal— firstly, from your husband, secondly, at the hands of a longtime friend you thought you could trust?
Tina had some soul-searching to do. She needed God to supernaturally help her forgive, which He did and will do for any of us dealing with a painful breach of trust.
Beyond forgiveness, though, how can we wives avoid such a thing happening in our marriage in the first place?
Well, truthfully, some things are beyond our control. No matter how much we do right, pray, and perform our wifely duties, the enemy is always looking for opportunities to creep into our lives. Sometimes, he does.
Like it or not, we will face hurts in our marriages (not necessarily adultery, but possibly), for which we will have to muster the strength to forgive, with the Lord’s help, of course.
So then, when it comes to safeguarding our marriage from outside sources that could cause compromise, and become a catalyst for adultery, what can we learn from Tina’s situation?
According to Teddy, there was “empty space” in their relationship, which left room for other things—in this case, another woman.
“The empty space in your mind is the place devil occupies,” he tells Ebony.
That gap, opening, and opportunity was enough for a full-blown affair in the Campbell household. But Tina never saw it coming and would not have ever been aware that it happened without hubby's confession.
Not seeing it coming isn't uncommon and being unaware that anything is out of order is not unique to Tina's situation. All wives, me included, must be prepared and on guard to protect our unions from the schemes of our chief adversary.
One of the most important things for a wife to do is apply 1 Peter 5:8 NIV that says, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” It is one of my favorite scriptures for marriages.
I say this, because Satan is watching, scheming, and doing all he can to tear down families. He hates unity and despises healthy marriages, because a strong, unified couple is a wonderful testament to God’s keeping power.
Although we should not be super paranoid or extra jealous, we do need to be watchful and keep our guard up. After all, even those we trust can be used by the enemy to wound us.
Pay attention to things like:
- A woman excessively calling or texting him
- A friend being too common or flirtatious with your spouse, always going out of her way to compliment him
- Someone you trust poking fun at you in front of your husband, pointing out your flaws, or trying to start conflict
- A "sister in Christ" being extra helpful, volunteering to do things that keep her constantly around your family
- Another woman always dressing provocatively around or fishing for attention from your husband
There are many other behaviors to look for, some of which could mean something or nothing at all. Prayer is the key.
Walk closely with God so you will be in position to hear from Him concerning your marriage, and always work to improve your relationship.
What is some wisdom you could offer about being on guard in your relationship?
9 Comments
Reader Comments (9)
So true,there are many things to watch out....but maybe she was on the road too much and whenever she got home she was busy with the family that she did not realize something was fishy..but i read the article too and i am happy that she has forgiven him and her and they are going for counselling....thats a strong woman over here,may GOD bless, protect guard and cover her marriage with the precious blood of Jesus!!!
A lot of first ladies and gospel artist wives are going or have gone through this too!
This is why communication in any relationship, ESPECIALLY a marriage is so important. She appears to be committed to her marriage and receptive (although maybe a little reluctant at first, in her "Tina-sort-of-way") and would listen to her husband expressing what he is missing in their relationship. I recall watching an episode last season, in which they were on a carriage ride and he expressed how he was feeling lonely. She reacted immediately, by deciding not to do a show. In hindsight, that was probably around the time that HE HAD ALREADY BEEN UNFAITHFUL. So, those same words should have been said sooner. I think he was just being selfish. I don't think he was remorseful, but he wanted to "out himself" before it was out of his control..selfish. I'm grateful that she forgave him and they can move forward together. Don't think I could!
I find it interesting during the whole season I only saw tina and her husband sharing a moment maybe one time and then she was pregnant i realize this is a reality show but they could a least had a moment having dinner or walking hand in hand but Mary Mary is a power business and they where always flying here and flying there etc. and that's how the enemy comes into a marriage when other things take priority....Truth Speaks
No excuse. Tired of ppl making excuses for him God didnt create marriage for cheating. But to be selfless.
A womens job is the be a helpmeet. adultery is not her fault its the one who committed it. A women builds her home, but when is a man held responsible. I would probably have left. How can you have speak about not compromising in relationships on one hand in articles and that theirs nothing you can do to keep him but try to say that a women is responsible for her husbands adultery. If this is true 1 Tina needs to quit Mary Mary because obviously her husbands needs are so extravagent she cannot b away from home more than a day otherwise adultery will occur.2. A mans needs come before ministry. I somehow dont think thats gonna fly with God, sorry hes just selfish. Im sorry i truly believe this is HIS selfishness. Sorry telling women to build their home is fine but making them responsible for adultery is setting women up for abuse itS HIS ISSUE the bible says a man who commits adultery lacks sense.
Im sorry and lastly when i say ministry i mean God bc your first ministry is to your family. But i dont think God is calling her to b less of who He created her to b bc her husband is 'lonely' the only one who can fulfill ALL your husbands needs is God and if he lacks a relationship with God you are then an idol she is not his momma but his wife. I am not checking cell phones and alla that bc if he has in his mind to cheat cheat he will. I would be perfectly willing to sacrifice my career for my husband if that is what he needed but i wont if God isnt asking me too or my mans character is simply jacked. #dobetter
O:K I am so sick of these two sisters, first of all he is not the first husband to cheat and won't be the last. I read the story in Ebony and I notice she stated how she tried to stab him on numerous on occasions after this happen. Really? Look these women are suppose to be women of God, if she wants to share her story to minister to other hurting women I can understand but there is a way to do it! It is like the lady stated before there business is about making money in order to do that you must keep the drama rolling in. If you are a women of God then conduct yourself like one. It is called spiritual maturity! Yes any women would be angry especially it was a friend however present this message to the public at a workshop for Christian women dealing with this type of issue not Ebony magazine. Keep your fit of rages between you, your husband and God. I must say I am not a Hillary Clinton fan however she handled her husband issues with dignity and still carried on I am quite sure she threw anything she had in site. What this singer did was not keeping it real it was just plain messy! She could have kept this to herself!
I have a clearer perspective of what happened.when it comes to safeguarding our marriage from outside sources that could cause compromise, and become a catalyst for adultery, security officer
A friend being too common or flirtatious with your spouse, always going out of her way to compliment him