He Cheated: How To Forgive
By LaTonia Irving:: EEW MAGAZINE MARRIAGE
She is the best thing God has ever given him next to Jesus.
At least that’s what Teddy Campbell, husband of Mary Mary’s Tina Campbell said about his wife in a May 1st birthday tweet with the above photo attached.
But the Late Night with Jay Leno drummer’s kind words about his wife of 13 years and a sweet photograph of him planting a smooch on the mother of 4 of his 5 children’s cheek, is overshadowed by the gasp-inducing headline on the June cover of Ebony Magazine that says, “Tina: How I forgave my husband after his affair.”
Before the publication released the preview of the upcoming issue, along with shocking quotes about Tina’s extreme reaction to her husband’s infidelity, the general public had no idea the two had gone through any such drama.
“Once I became aware [of the affair], I initially wanted to kill my husband,” the outspoken singer told Ebony. “I was considering adjusting the will, the living trust and all that kind of stuff.”
Not only did she want to make changes to any documents making him a financial beneficiary in case of her death, but the scorned wife’s visceral response included an intense verbal tirade.
“I did physically try to stab him, several times,” she said, though she did not mean literally. “I never got to the point of physical harm, not really, but my words…my words hurt.”
The devastating betrayal of adultery the WE tv reality star chose to share, is not unique to her relationship.
Statistics show that more than a third of married men cheat on their wives; nearly a quarter of married women are unfaithful to their husbands; and more than half of marriages are impacted by one spouse going outside the relationship.
That shows us that Tina’s news of her husband’s affair, made public only after she spilled the tea during a national media interview, is similar to what many lesser known women are dealing with privately.
They are also struggling, drowning in a sea of pain and grappling with bitterness because of the injustice.
So then, how can women who are suffering silently do what Tina did and move on? What does it take to truly get past the unfortunate incident, form a renewed bond of love, and trust your husband again after such a breach has occurred?
Bishop T.D. Jakes, who has been married to his wife Serita for more than 30 years, shared marriage advice on the Steve Harvey Show. He says when dealing with offenses, “Unforgiveness is the cancer that will destroy any marriage.”
In other words, Jakes, author of Let It Go, a best-selling book on forgiveness, likens holding a grudge to a malignant cancer that, if left untreated, will metastasize, spread to new areas, and eventually, eat away at the body, causing death in its cancer-ridden host.
No marriage, then, can survive if the root of bitterness is allowed to choke out the love. Not only that, but Jakes believes that every union requires maintenance and upkeep, not just crisis management.
During season 1 of Mary Mary’s self-titled show, Tina and Teddy put some of their personal relationship maintenance on display. Though infidelity was not mentioned in earlier episodes, challenges caused by Tina’s demanding music career were brought up.
“I’m not really that happy. I feel overlooked and you have to change it,” he said on camera, to which Tina replied, “I am always listening to him, because this is the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with. I want him to be happy.”
To ensure his happiness, she dug a little deeper, asking what she could do differently. His answer was essentially, less Mary Mary focus, and more marriage focus.
“It’s a little bit concerning to find out that he’s feeling disconnected,” Tina admitted. “This is going to have to be resolved, ‘cause if Mary Mary don’t go on, I’m still gone be married to Teddy.”
Clearly, from her disposition, viewers recognized her seriousness about fighting for and saving her marriage. Both she and Teddy appear to be willing to talk through the difficult issues and put in the work to fix and make things better.
That is far more important than what caused the breakdown in the first place, because whether the issues are minor or major, if left unaddressed, they will only grow and lead to the dreaded “irreconcilable differences.”
In a gardening metaphor, Jakes described how marriage maintenance cycles function. He compared it to tilling the ground, getting rid of weeds, and turning over old soil, “which enables you to replenish the nutrients depleted in winter, so that new vegetables and flowers can flourish.”
While, just like yard work under the heat of the beaming sun, marriage maintenance may seem exhausting and tedious during certain seasons, he noted, that it's not all work and no play. After the difficult labor is done, Jakes added, “In the summer, only watering is required and fall is harvest time.”
Maybe you have dealt with infidelity in your marriage, or some other challenge. Have you ever struggled with forgiving your spouse? What helped you to let go of the offense and move forward?
Share This:
16 Comments
Reader Comments (16)
It's great that she forgave him, but not so great that she has decided to put their business on "front street" like that. I know that they are on a reality show and alot is already on display, but did the world really need to know that about them? I realize that many couples deal with that same situation and it's good to use your testimony to help someone else, but I just think it was too much information to share with everyone. I'm not sure how long ago it was, but if she has forgiven him and decided to move forward WITH him, why dig up all of those old hurtful feelings and emotions that come along with an affair?
Lord Jesus have mercy!!!! I had no idea these two went through anything like that!!! Tina and Erica done 'bout drove me to drinking. It's always something with these two!
Seriously thought I really feel sorry for Tina but I think she should have kept this to herself. There's no way she should be putting this out. If he was caught cheating and the media got wind of the story some other way, that's one thing. But to put the incident out yourself and no one's asking and it's over I don't think that's wise at all. But hey, to each his own.
Whoa that's deep. That should have definitely been kept to herself. I did NOT need to know all that. smh Praying for these two
What else is new ....isn't now normal for men to cheat when their wives are mega-stars there were times when I could see that the guy could have an affair....she was always on the road.....it was good enough to produce another baby. I could tell he wasn't feelin what she was doing. One of the last episodes she was determined not to accept an engagement so she could go to Hawaii with her husband and she made the right choice I could tell then her marriage was on the line. It's good it's working out. Mega-women have to watch these husbands. I don't knnow where she found him but she needs to watch him. Babies don't keep marriages faithful. Tina Mowrey Hardrich needs to watch hers too. There're expecting another baby and we can celebrate their 5 year marriage however he has that look in his eyes and that personality that he might try to jump too.......Enough said
Honestly i feel like he should b saying that bc hes making out like a fat rat. No disrespect but he didnt have to cheat. He knew what kind of career she was in so whyd he marry her then. I really liked teddy but i mean they arent broke or in poverty or other challenges other couples have shes able to conceive what about men whos wife have no children dont you think they face temptation or men whose wives are even disabled and they obey God and dont cheat. Whatever man im not impressed bc sges carrying his babies taking a child that his not hers, gave up her career for him she bringing in Serious bacon and he STILL stepped out..wow thanks some serious love cuz forget stabbing id be calling judge Karen (lord forgive me) :) He needs to b doing more than tweeting if you ask me. Thats why God gave him to her lol.
The fact that she put her business out aint no important issue. God says to forgive, but he also says that unfaithfulness is the only reason he would allow a person to leave a marriage for. You people seem to forget how dangerous adultery is. In God's eyes, they are not married under his law anymore and if tina leaves teddy and marries another, she will be fully justified in God's eyes and her having to marry another would fall on his back and if he marries another, he will be considered an adulterer regardless and can never fix that. Lets not forget about how important that promise we make under God is at the altar. It aint nothin to play with which is why we have to not get married until we are sure we are ready to hold ones heart in ours. Teddy is no longer married to her, he is only married to her according to the law of the land which always conflicts with the law of God. T.D. Jakes should know better than to sugarcoat the word's expectations.
Trell wow.
I think a lot of people who thinks she should have kept that to her self is missing the point! She came out with this, and it really is shocking, but at the same time helpful for those whose gone through the same thing, or those that are engaged. You just can't put out all the good and blessed things about your life without the testimonies of how you got to that point. It makes Tina human, and shows that no one is above being cheated on. Before she said this not one person here can say that they ever suspected anything like that. You don't know when it was, and what kind of healing it did for him. You don't know what kind of hurt and devilish spirits was chasing him until that happened and had to face his wife to become the REAL MAN she deserved to have. It's the ULTIMATE example of forgiveness, moving on, and receiving the blessing of happiness when you follow GOD'S word!
"Devilish spirits chasing him"....paleeeze! He was selfish and gave into lust...the devil didn't make him do it...or anyone else for that reason. He wasn't thinking about Tina or all of those kids...just his selfish desires. What if she hadn't forgiven him, then she would have been broken hearted and the kids would have also been left broken-hearted and confused. People always seem to be looking to make excuses for other people's bad behavior. Give me a break!
It seems from the earlier shows that Teddy has been jealous of Tina's career. I believe it was done to get attention and to jab at our confidence. He is just too needy to be a man with all them kids. Has he forgotten that she works too? She is the reason they can afford the life they live? The SKANK that he used as prey already knew what was up. True, many marriages go through this but with all them kids, he should have been to busy with the kids to find time to commit such foolishness.
God's word never said to work anything out if the deceit involves unfaithfulness after the ring and promise. How can one be with the other after becoming an adulterer/adultress? This sin rides your back endlessly after being committed so the bond is dead after loyalty disappearing. God is not to be tooken lightly just because he is merciful. It seems as if part of humanity and the illuminati are blinding people to think that they can take advantage of God's forgiving spirit, but know this-------He can leave you to follow satan into damnation. So dont push his buttons cause he is also a spiritual warrior no one can see themselves equal to, so why underestimate him?
@D La this happened before the show and he (teddy) said God told him he was about to b exposed so he confessed according to the article i read it. My issue here is not people having issues its the nature of it while i realize God forgives and we should too. Im not sure i agree with the rapid restoration
especially since Teddy as afar as im concerned had no real reason to be unfaithful
he already had a kid before they met and i know God doesnt hold our past against us but she is very well off and establish in ministry
i mean they have a lot of children what she wasnt there like for two weeks. Are you serious? You have no self control im sorry
what excuse did he really have to me im not saying they are unequally yoked but i think shes carrying him and thats not really fair to me. And a he cheated with famiky friend , i mean thats almost abuse..i mean thats like crazy. What happened to husband love your wives. Is he saved?? Should they have got married i dunno? This is alittle excessive if you ask me.
I can understand you been stressed your relationship is having problem and you fall but to just up and cheat and she already making concessions for you. I believe there is no real excuse for divorce but i woukd probably leave him if not for my children. That to me is out of control, he doesnt seem to understand the value of marriage if you ask me. Thats ALOT of grace more power to her but i dont know if it be me and i believe anything is restorable but...
He did it once and he'll probably do it again. Forgive and move on.
I see know harm in her informing others. You never would truly know her motives for this unless you asked her. Who knows maybe she felt by doing so was a dose of "therapeutical medicine"; Maybe, she felt she could relate to other women or her fans with a stronger impact due to here celebrity status that she too share their "pains" when it comes to some of the cheating men out there. I see know harm in the "lay person" sharing this publicly and see no harm or would not discriminate in her sharing it publicly also...if that's what she choose to do.
She made her decision so what are we talking about, could've, would've should've? To each his own....
Is your husband cheating on you? why sit and watch it get nasty before you act?I just wanted to express my gratitude and appreciation to prophet Osaze for bringing my husband back to me,I was married to my husband for 4 years and all of a sudden he started seeing another lady (his mistress).he started hailing at me and he was abusive.. and he hated me , but I still loved him with all my heart . the situation made me unsettle and not to focus at work .so a friend told me about trying (prophet Osaze)spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to him ? i did not listen to her and hoped that my husband will come back home . after 9 month of seperation and depression , it got out of hand and my husband came back home to break the news to me that he want a divorce that he is getting married to his mistress .Hmmm it was so shocking to me ,i felt sad and more depressed ,so i contacted my friend again and decided to try to use spiritual means reluctantly..although I didn't believe in all those things? I never thought in a million years that i will get my husband back to me a again. I was proved wrong.after 24 hours, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realised his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it that we are back together. I am deeply satisfied and thankful with prophet Osaze work .if you also want to fix you marriage or relationship email him at spirituallove @ hotmail. com his work is for a better life .