The Power of Love & Kindness: Choose Compassion Over Conflict
By Patricia Simpson, EEW Magazine Editor
I read a wonderful piece on CNN’s religion blog written by Dr. Tony Evans, pastor of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, and one of the most respected evangelical leaders in America. He opened up about how he grew up watching his parents’ dysfunctional marriage and living in complete “chaos.”
He said his folks were young when they married and were “still trying to figure out how to make life work,” often arguing about things like finances, which were scarce at home. Evans, the oldest of four children, confesses that his household was a “volatile” place, with his mom and dad constantly clashing, “making divorce seem like the only possible outcome.”
So what made the difference?
According to Evans, when he turned 10, his father gave his heart to Jesus Christ, something that forever changed his dad’s character.
“He didn’t just accept God’s salvation; he immediately became fired up about God and the Bible,” recounts Evans, noting that a genuine transformation had taken place in his father’s life. Suddenly, the man that had spent his time fussing and fighting with his wife grew passionate about the things of God. He started witnessing on the street and visiting the local prison.
This might seem like the sort of change that would make his wife happy, but that wasn’t the case. “My mom didn’t like my dad as a sinner, and she liked him even less as a saint,” wrote Dr. Evans. “She did everything she could to make his life difficult. But my father did everything he could to show her love.”
Though his loving demeanor and kindness toward his spouse didn’t immediately yield positive results, the on-fire-for-Jesus man didn’t give up. He continued to walk in the love of Christ.
Because of that, something powerful happened.
According to Dr. Evans, His mom told his dad “she could not understand how the more she rejected him, was unkind to him and tried to prove that believing in God was wrong, the kinder he was to her and the more he invested in God’s word.”
It was the love that finally won her over.
Evans says that, with tear-filled eyes, his mother told his father, “I want what you have, because it must be real.”
What a powerful and compelling testimony!
So often in marriages, even when both the husband and wife have personal relationships with Jesus Christ, egos and emotions get in the way of compassion. I know this was personally true in my marriage for many years.
Being stubborn as we are, my spouse and I would lock horns and say some very hurtful things to each other. Neither of us wanted to back down, so the verbal sparring would go on for hours, escalate, and end up doing serious damage to the heart and soul of the person on the receiving end of the tongue lashing.
In the war of words, there are no winners inside the marital covenant, which should be ruled by divine principles. We, just as Dr. Tony Evans’s father did, ought show love in every circumstance, because it’s the right thing to do.
Think about what would happen if more couples chose the compassionate route, instead of the mouthy one? How different would marital relationships be? How many more wounds would be healed rather than worsened through bickering, yelling, and insulting?
In his wonderfully written CNN article, Dr. Evans muses, “If my dad had not exhibited the courage to change, my home would have become another statistic.”
Do you have the courage to change, show compassion, and love unconditionally? Or does the need to be right, appeased, and in command, override your desire to show forth the love of Christ in your marriage?
As 1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is patient, love is kind.”
Let us strive to be more loving, just as Christ is loving toward us. I, for one, can attest to its effectiveness in building a strong, peaceful, joyful, stable home.
Read Dr. Tony Evans's full article here.
7 Comments
Reader Comments (7)
wow. this is so needful. Even in family relationships, immediately i thought of that move fireproof. The girl in it was so mean and nasty and he eventually won her own with His love. Thank you!
I am in tears right now. This is so soooo my husband and I. We both have relationships with the Lord, but are both stubborn and say hurtful things to each other in the middle of anger and frustration (admittedly me, more-so-than him). We have a young child who witnessess most of this. She is very smart and she is noticeably a happier child when we get along. I am so convicted right now! Thank you Patricia for the article, Dr. Evans for the testimony and Thank you Jesus for the heart and mind to receive this Word. I am going to print this article out and share it with my husband. Looking forward to better days ahead!
I am known to struggle with my mouth A LOT!!! I feel the need to be right and when I get angry I have a hard time shutting up. But I know I can change, it's just that I can be very stubborn. Reading this article really was like a big loud wake-up call for me. I receive this and I appreciate you for sharing it. Thank you so much!
Patricia,
This article made me not only think about marriage but other relationships. For me, it's my relationship with my mom who I'm caring for after she had a number health challenges. Though her body is weak, there is nothing wrong with her tongue, and I haven't been quick to keep mine in response. Thanks for this challenge to let love do what it was created to do: cause us to give up our life and give compassion, mercy and grace. This is a wonderful article (BTW, I LOVE Tony Evans).
My heart is rejoicing as I'm reading these responses! Thank you for sharing your heart.
@so beautiful Fireproof is a GREAT movie! My husband and I watched it and it was a real blessing to us.
@Thank You My eyes were full of tears reading YOUR response because I have been there and I know what it's like. I'm rejoicing that you have opened your heart to receive the message in this article. It will enrich your life so much when you apply these Godly principles!
@Evelyn Say no more. My mouth and I have to fast and pray regularly! :0D I'm so glad God is merciful and helps us as we seek him. Be encouraged. The Lord is able to keep us... even our tongues that get us in trouble a lot. I have been doing much meditating on James 3 which talks about "taming" the tongue. It has been very helpful to me in my struggle. Thank you for your transparency and honesty!
@Rhonda J. Smith I read your parenting articles all the time and I love them and YOU!!!! Your wisdom has helped me so much on many different occasions. So thank you for your KINGDOM perspective. Now that I got that out of the way... about your comment on the article... I find it amazing that God speaks to us all in different ways from the same message! I can't imagine all the challenges and the level of sacrifice that comes with caring for a sick parent. I admire your strength and I'm so glad something I've written through God's leading has connected with you in a way that is useful. And I LOVE Tony Evans as well!!!!
I love this article, and can testify to the fact that showing love, kindness, and compassion towards your spouse - when you'd rather go tit for tat - WORKS! Two years ago, I made the choice to be sweet to my husband and give a soft answer no matter how badly I wanted to roll my neck, and it literally changed the whole dynamic of our relationship. It took MUCH prayer and fasting (LOL!) but it's definitely been worth it.
Good stuff, Patricia!
Thank you for sharing that LaKeisha! So many couples end up in divorce court because they won't work on their communication. It truly does work and yes it takes A LOT of fasting, praying and saying NO to flesh. AMEN!!