By Patricia Simpson, EEW Magazine Editor
I read a wonderful piece on CNN’s religion blog written by Dr. Tony Evans, pastor of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, and one of the most respected evangelical leaders in America. He opened up about how he grew up watching his parents’ dysfunctional marriage and living in complete “chaos.”
He said his folks were young when they married and were “still trying to figure out how to make life work,” often arguing about things like finances, which were scarce at home. Evans, the oldest of four children, confesses that his household was a “volatile” place, with his mom and dad constantly clashing, “making divorce seem like the only possible outcome.”
So what made the difference?
According to Evans, when he turned 10, his father gave his heart to Jesus Christ, something that forever changed his dad’s character.
“He didn’t just accept God’s salvation; he immediately became fired up about God and the Bible,” recounts Evans, noting that a genuine transformation had taken place in his father’s life. Suddenly, the man that had spent his time fussing and fighting with his wife grew passionate about the things of God. He started witnessing on the street and visiting the local prison.
This might seem like the sort of change that would make his wife happy, but that wasn’t the case. “My mom didn’t like my dad as a sinner, and she liked him even less as a saint,” wrote Dr. Evans. “She did everything she could to make his life difficult. But my father did everything he could to show her love.”
Though his loving demeanor and kindness toward his spouse didn’t immediately yield positive results, the on-fire-for-Jesus man didn’t give up. He continued to walk in the love of Christ.
Because of that, something powerful happened.
According to Dr. Evans, His mom told his dad “she could not understand how the more she rejected him, was unkind to him and tried to prove that believing in God was wrong, the kinder he was to her and the more he invested in God’s word.”
It was the love that finally won her over.
Evans says that, with tear-filled eyes, his mother told his father, “I want what you have, because it must be real.”
What a powerful and compelling testimony!
So often in marriages, even when both the husband and wife have personal relationships with Jesus Christ, egos and emotions get in the way of compassion. I know this was personally true in my marriage for many years.
Being stubborn as we are, my spouse and I would lock horns and say some very hurtful things to each other. Neither of us wanted to back down, so the verbal sparring would go on for hours, escalate, and end up doing serious damage to the heart and soul of the person on the receiving end of the tongue lashing.
In the war of words, there are no winners inside the marital covenant, which should be ruled by divine principles. We, just as Dr. Tony Evans’s father did, ought show love in every circumstance, because it’s the right thing to do.
Think about what would happen if more couples chose the compassionate route, instead of the mouthy one? How different would marital relationships be? How many more wounds would be healed rather than worsened through bickering, yelling, and insulting?
In his wonderfully written CNN article, Dr. Evans muses, “If my dad had not exhibited the courage to change, my home would have become another statistic.”
Do you have the courage to change, show compassion, and love unconditionally? Or does the need to be right, appeased, and in command, override your desire to show forth the love of Christ in your marriage?
As 1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is patient, love is kind.”
Let us strive to be more loving, just as Christ is loving toward us. I, for one, can attest to its effectiveness in building a strong, peaceful, joyful, stable home.
Read Dr. Tony Evans's full article here.