How to Overcome Negative Attitudes: Dealing with Negativity from & Towards Others
When people don’t like or understand something about you—you know it. It’s evident in their attitude, manner and words. Their discomfort seeps into the atmosphere and after a while you risk becoming uncomfortable with yourself if you don’t confront them or remove yourself from their environment.
People used to look at me like I had a third head because I love Bollywood movies and I think Dolly Parton’s original I Will Always Love You is the true classic. I’ve heard everything from, “Something is wrong with you” to “You’re not really black.” Some comments were made in jest, but some were outright offensive remarks and the disdain was duly noted. It used to annoy me, but I’ve learned that I can’t live my life in the confines of someone else’s mind.
I refuse to be around negative people—not even when I know they love me and I care about them. I refuse to embrace their smallness and judgment. It took me some time to learn to accept myself in spite of their opinions, but now I know that I am not obligated to surrender my identity over to anyone else.
Dealing with negativity from others can be challenging, but experience has taught me that overcoming negative attitudes towards others can feel nearly impossible. But love goes beyond emotion. And taking deliberate actions to improve how we love can feel awkward and even disingenuous. Believe me, however, we can strategically find ways to practice Christ-like love.
We can become Christians who provide support and encouragement when we:
1. Honor Others: I Corinthians 13:5 states that love does not dishonor others. To dishonor someone means to expose them to ridicule or shame. There are times when we hurt others by making them the targets of our jokes and barbed comments. Be careful that you aren’t being snide and judgmental about loved ones who may be different from you. We all love a good joke, but we must be careful to stay respectful.
Sometimes we dishonor others by carelessly sharing their faults, without thought to the consequences of our actions. Even when what we know about someone is true, we have the responsibility of protecting them from those who would judge them, rather than restore them.
2. Take a Chill Pill: It’s hard to connect with people who fly off the handle too easily. People are going to make mistakes and things are going to go wrong. We must be careful that we respond to situations with balance. God placed anger in our emotional arsenal, so anger does have its place. Anger is a God-given human emotion and we should not be afraid to express it. But we must be careful to dole it out appropriately and to not become abusive. We create discomfort and fear in our relationships when we can’t be trusted to respond to disappointments and frustrations healthily.
Our consistent actions build a reputation. We should be known for being women of grace, not women who race to judgment.
3. Practice Short-Term Memory: We can’t keep bringing up the same old thing in our relationships. I flinch every time someone reminds me of something stupid or selfish I did when I was younger. Sometimes I feel like screaming, “Give me a break already, that was 20 years ago!” But some people can’t seem to let me change.
History is always being written—both socially and personally. Every day that we spend with someone, they are writing a new history with us. It is unfair to overlook recent changes in behavior and growth to focus on something that was evidence of thoughts or attitudes that have long been outgrown. One of the quickest ways to frustrate love is to put someone in a mental box and deal with the shadow of who they were instead of the person they’ve become. People are always telling you something new about them—take the time to listen!
Live It! Strategies and the Holy Spirit go hand in hand. Choose an area to grow in and strategically find ways to challenge yourself. For instance, if there is an individual you normally tease, deliberately take the time to focus on their good qualities and share them with others. If you’ve been exceptionally moody lately, practice thinking through your responses.
Quoted as one of today's leading motivational speakers by Essence magazine, Leadher Coach Scott™ shares life-changing truths with practical wisdom, humor and insight. Currently, also a columnist for StreamingFaith.com, her workshops and seminars are popular at women's, singles' and youth conferences. For more info, also visit feliciascott.com or www.upliftgroup.com. Follow her at www.twitter.com/coachfelicia.
2 Comments
Reader Comments (2)
Bollywood movies? You ARE weird! ;-) Just kidding! I feel you on this article. As a biracial woman, I felt like I didn't really fit anywhere. I was teased about my complexion and hair. I wasn't "black enough" for the black kids or "white enough" for the white kids and many people seemed to just resent me. It was hard (I'm still learning) but I had to forgive and keep it moving. Your article reinforces those lessons! Thank you.
I've got to work on #3. I've got a memory like an elephant! If you hurt me I harbor it. It's hard to let it go and I know it's toxic to hold onto unforgiveness. So this is the area I need to grow in. Thanks for sharing the truth always in love.