The Best Parenting Advice, Ever!
Article By Kenyatta Chapman:: EEW Magazine Parenting
A friend of mine recently asked me to share the best parenting advice I had ever received. Initially, I felt stumped. That was a tough question for me, since there have been several particularly helpful lessons and principles I have applied over the years.
So I thought long and hard, well, as long and hard as 3 minutes would allow. Then, I shared a story that contained the information I thought was really worth passing along.
My sister and I, along with her two children, seven and eight-year-old boys, were walking through Target shopping. I was visiting her in Virginia and tagged along for some errands.
When we arrived at the aisle lined with sugar-filled snacks and other tasty kids’ treats, my nephews’ eyes lit up. As expected, the next thing out of the oldest one’s mouth was, “Ooh Ma! Can we get that, please?”
I grinned, admiring his cuteness and melting inside as he begged, campaigning to get those fruit snacks. I wanted to say, “Auntie will get it for you baby,” but he wasn’t asking me.
“No, we’re not here for that,” my sister said matter-of-factly, reading over her list.
Right away, I braced myself for the worst, preparing for the inevitable tantrum and tussle.
I had seen it a million times: mother says no. Kid falls out in the floor. Everyone gets embarrassed. Finally, the exhausted, humiliated parent either threatens the child’s life through clenched teeth, or caves in to save face.
Either way, it wouldn’t be pretty, I thought.
Imagine my surprise when I heard only a non-climatic, whiny, “Okay,” accompanied by a look of sadness. That was it. There was no spastic fit of rage, no public meltdown.
I was totally confused.
At the time—around 10 years ago now—I was pregnant with my first baby and all my co-workers prepared me for the terrible future ahead of me. Even those who managed to teach their children the “You get wo’ out wear you show out” rule (Ever heard that one?), still had to deal with the puddle of crocodile tears after rejecting a request.
After witnessing this deviation from the acceptable norm, I was curious about the miraculous events that had unfolded before my eyes.
“Are they always this calm when you say no?” I asked.
“Yep,” she said, pushing the cart along calmly. “They know that no means no.” Just like that, my older sister gave me one of the most valuable parenting tips ever: mean what you say and say what you mean.
To this day, I apply the same principles with my nine and three-year-old with outstanding results.
Now I find it funny when other moms and dads look at me with the same look of shock I once wore while observing my sister.
For those who dare ask, I happily pass along my secret rooted in Matthew 5:37. In the New International Version, the first part of that scripture says, “All you need to say is simply 'Yes' or 'No…'” and that’s it.
Children, tweens and teens are very observant and perceptive. If they know you won’t stand your ground when pressured, they will do their best to force your hand.
As the saying goes, “You train folks how to treat you”—something equally true when it comes to our children.
Every parent has the power to set firm boundaries and stand by them. Not only is this a healthy way to enforce rules with minimal drama, but it also sets a proper foundation when it comes to demonstrating integrity and what it means to honor our word.
If you’ve been wishy-washy in your parenting, it’s time to firm up. It will be good for both you and your children at any age.
2 Comments
Reader Comments (2)
Thank you for this article. I really needed to hear this. My husband and I were just talking about this last night. We have an eleven year old daughter. We have been somewhat firm with her over the years (me more-so than him!!), but recently we have had alot going on in our family...death, sickness, sports schedules, church, etc. (the list can go on and on). We have gotten a little relaxed on the firmness and discipline. He still sees her as his little girl (she is 13 years younger than her sister). I try to remind him that being firm, yet loving will help all of us in the long run, especially her. I don't want her to grow up with a sense of entitlement, thinking that everything is suppose to go her way. I will definitely share this article with him!
Those are words I have said a million times No means No. and it is true if you haven't always practiced this particular method after a few time the kid will get the picture. I can tell you as a parent and as An children's book author (The Adventures of Kid Humpty Dumpty available on amazon and for kindle) kids are smart and will pick up on the new deal faster then you think but they might still feel the need to test it.