The Problem With the Way We Love & How to Solve It
Bi-weekly column by Coach Felicia Scott
Every day, I pass the Love sculpture by Robert Indiana that sits on the corner of 55th Street and 6th Avenue in midtown Manhattan. Big, bright red and blue, it is hard to just pass it by. If the sculpture itself doesn’t draw your attention, then the crowds of people who stop there to take photos certainly will. Every day New Yorkers and tourists alike stop and take time for love. It seems like everyone wants to be a part of it!
Too bad the same can’t be said about real love. Unfortunately, we don’t flock to stand beside and demonstrate the kind of love the scripture demands of us on a daily basis. Despite the fact that love is the fuel of life, many of us are running on empty. The problem isn’t that we don’t love. The problem is that perfect love must find a way to express itself through imperfect people.
Many of us still struggle with wounds inflicted by a loving, but flawed parent. We still nurse tender spots in our hearts over hurtful actions by spouses that we know love us deeply. Even in the best of relationships, the imperfection of the human heart manages to sully love. The only way to get over it is to apply more love in the wound.
One of the biggest problems with the way we love is that we think love is something we own and are qualified to define in our way. Based on our experiences and exposure, we decide what love looks and acts like. Pity the person who fails to measure up to our standards. But, thankfully the Word is clear on the standard and measure of love that we should all strive to reach.
I’m sure you know where I am going with this … even if you aren’t a believer. You’ve probably been to a wedding where the preacher recites I Corinthians 13:4-6. We “yes and amen,” words like “Love is patient. Love is kind” all the while, focused on what it would feel like to be the recipient of such love. Not understanding that God’s greatest desire is for us to be the givers of such love.
In 1 Corinthians 13:13, the Bible states that in life three things remain, when everything else passes away or fails. They are faith, hope and love. These three things keep us going despite tragedy and adversity. They give us strength and resilience when tempted to give up. Of these powerful forces, love is the greatest!
For the next few weeks, I’d like to work out our love walk by focusing on being givers of perfected love. Though the word of God needs no editing from me, I’d like to hone in on its relevance to our day-to-day interactions.
1. Love repeats itself: Okay, the scripture says that love is patient. Quite often in our relationships, we want the people we love to change. We want them to hurry up and become a person who is less challenging to our own immaturities. We want them to make it easy for us to be Christian! But real love is patient and suffers long; it takes the time to give others the space they need to mature.
Granted, if we see no growth that is indicative of dysfunction and abnormality and needs to be addressed. But, we must take the time and give grace to others as they work towards growth in Christ. Real patience finds its strength in grace. We can be patient with others when we are motivated by their need rather than our desire for their change. It is about their benefit, not ours.
Impatience is a sign of self absorption and immaturity. It wants things its way…now!
2. Love is care full: We don’t all have to be sweet as pie, but we do need to be kind. In truth, being kind is about taking time to care for, recognize and anticipate the needs of others. Real kindness is challenging, because it is a mark of spiritual maturity. On the behavioral scale, kindness is a spiritual thermostat—it sets the temperature and atmosphere, by striving to achieve a goal or standard for interaction.
Sadly, most of us live by the credo of, "You do right by me and I'll do right by you." In 1 Thessalonians 5:15, we are instructed to pay it forward based on His grace to us, rather than paying back based on the humanity of others.
We live in a society that has reduced love to biochemical reactions and emotions. But in truth, love is a posture towards others that is dictated by our posture towards God.
Live It! Analyzing your three closest relationships, what behaviors do you most associate with love? How do you handle when loved ones fail to live up to your standards? Using 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 as the guideline for you response to disappointment, how can your reactions change?
Quoted as one of today's leading motivational speakers by Essence magazine, Leadher Coach Scott™ shares life-changing truths with practical wisdom, humor and insight. Currently, also a columnist for StreamingFaith.com, her workshops and seminars are popular at women's, singles' and youth conferences. For more info, also visit feliciascott.com or www.upliftgroup.com. Follow her at www.twitter.com/coachfelicia.
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Reader Comments (1)
Great post! Lord please perfect my love.