Really, I'm Good By Myself

Article By Ashley Peterson

She had a bad case of I can’t get him out of my system. For a few weeks she was strong and feeling good about not having to deal with his drama anymore, and enjoying her newfound freedom.

But soon, that liberty turned to loneliness and the quiet evenings felt too quiet. Sleeping alone, without him in her bed, was harder than she thought it would be, so her strength turned into sorrow.

That’s the way she explained it to me in her letter.

I'm paraphrasing it, but that is the crux of the message in the handwritten note she left on my dresser when I came home to an empty apartment.

I have known this beautiful, vibrant young lady for about 3 years. For the last few months, she had been accompanying me to church and I took her completely under my wing.

Her unfaithful boyfriend had cheated on her one too many times and sadly, impregnated another young woman she knew. That sent her over the edge and was the very thing that brought her to my doorstep.

I was glad to let her in since I have plenty of room and a good grasp of her pain.

I remember how my Sweet Ma took me in when I left my toxic relationship. But, unlike me, this young lady didn't have a supportive family willing to help out in her time of need.

But comfort, conversation and a stable living environment—all things I could provide—for her, were not enough. There was a gaping hole in her soul. She believed only the love of her life, no matter how badly he’d mistreated her, could fill.

The last time we talked, I assured her that those feelings of suffocation and sorrow would go away eventually. But honestly, I could see the grief in her eyes.

“I feel like somebody died,” she told me.

“Somebody did,” I said. “The old you died and you are living a new life now. I know it’s hard and weird, but you’ll make it okay. Just keep going forward and don’t look back.”

Not only did she look back; she also went back to him—something I could do nothing to stop.

As a youth ministry leader and a volunteer for several programs helping urban teens and young adults, I see so many beautiful women who don’t know their worth. They put up with all sorts of things. In the worst cases, they are victims of unspeakable physical abuse.

Last week, I was feeling down about not being able to help this young lady, until I got an email from someone I had not spoken to in about a year. It was another 21-year-old I had mentored for a while before losing touch.

She had broken free from the relationship she was in, enrolled in community college, and gotten her own apartment.

“Really, I’m good by myself,” she wrote. “I never thought I’d be able to say that Ms. Ashley, but you were right. The pain healed after a while.”

I sat there in front of the computer screen and wept. I was so overcome with emotion because I know where I started. I was so messed up, confused and lost. My life was in shambles, but God used loving, caring women to nurse me to health.

Now, I am able to do that for others. God amazes me over and over again, and reminds me that He is able to do anything. What He did for me, He can do for anyone.

Despite how deep the hurt or painful the relationship scar may be, healing, freedom, independence, and true contentment are attainable.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you’ll be sharing your own testimony and helping someone else find their way to freedom.

By the way, I am still believing God to release the young woman, and anyone reading this, who is still entangled in an unhealthy relationship.

He’s able to set you free.