Really, I'm Good By Myself
Article By Ashley Peterson
She had a bad case of I can’t get him out of my system. For a few weeks she was strong and feeling good about not having to deal with his drama anymore, and enjoying her newfound freedom.
But soon, that liberty turned to loneliness and the quiet evenings felt too quiet. Sleeping alone, without him in her bed, was harder than she thought it would be, so her strength turned into sorrow.
That’s the way she explained it to me in her letter.
I'm paraphrasing it, but that is the crux of the message in the handwritten note she left on my dresser when I came home to an empty apartment.
I have known this beautiful, vibrant young lady for about 3 years. For the last few months, she had been accompanying me to church and I took her completely under my wing.
Her unfaithful boyfriend had cheated on her one too many times and sadly, impregnated another young woman she knew. That sent her over the edge and was the very thing that brought her to my doorstep.
I was glad to let her in since I have plenty of room and a good grasp of her pain.
I remember how my Sweet Ma took me in when I left my toxic relationship. But, unlike me, this young lady didn't have a supportive family willing to help out in her time of need.
But comfort, conversation and a stable living environment—all things I could provide—for her, were not enough. There was a gaping hole in her soul. She believed only the love of her life, no matter how badly he’d mistreated her, could fill.
The last time we talked, I assured her that those feelings of suffocation and sorrow would go away eventually. But honestly, I could see the grief in her eyes.
“I feel like somebody died,” she told me.
“Somebody did,” I said. “The old you died and you are living a new life now. I know it’s hard and weird, but you’ll make it okay. Just keep going forward and don’t look back.”
Not only did she look back; she also went back to him—something I could do nothing to stop.
As a youth ministry leader and a volunteer for several programs helping urban teens and young adults, I see so many beautiful women who don’t know their worth. They put up with all sorts of things. In the worst cases, they are victims of unspeakable physical abuse.
Last week, I was feeling down about not being able to help this young lady, until I got an email from someone I had not spoken to in about a year. It was another 21-year-old I had mentored for a while before losing touch.
She had broken free from the relationship she was in, enrolled in community college, and gotten her own apartment.
“Really, I’m good by myself,” she wrote. “I never thought I’d be able to say that Ms. Ashley, but you were right. The pain healed after a while.”
I sat there in front of the computer screen and wept. I was so overcome with emotion because I know where I started. I was so messed up, confused and lost. My life was in shambles, but God used loving, caring women to nurse me to health.
Now, I am able to do that for others. God amazes me over and over again, and reminds me that He is able to do anything. What He did for me, He can do for anyone.
Despite how deep the hurt or painful the relationship scar may be, healing, freedom, independence, and true contentment are attainable.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you’ll be sharing your own testimony and helping someone else find their way to freedom.
By the way, I am still believing God to release the young woman, and anyone reading this, who is still entangled in an unhealthy relationship.
He’s able to set you free.
3 Comments
Reader Comments (3)
Ashley! So glad to see you back. Thank you for this article. I am in a struggle with my daughter who is involved with someone she needs to let go BUT she loves him. I have been down the same path myself so I know how hard it is. I realize she is experiencing something very hard. I want to help her. Reading about the young lady who had a change of heart really gives me hope. Thanks!
Thank you. The desire to b married consumed me to where i thought i could not live without having a man in my life. Yes there are lonely times but i pray that i will get stronger or be able to be okay and not b a bitter women as i have been alone for a while now and could possible in the future thank you for your encouraging words it lets me know im not alone in my struggle
Its taken me a long time to move forward from my last relationship but just as you said, with time, God has healed my heart and I know longer feel the hurt that I used to feel. I can see him in passing and genuinely say hello without any residual feelings of bitterness and hurt. I encourage everyone going through a situation like this young lady to be patient and trust God. Depend on him whole heartedly. You will have feelings a loneliness but that ache in your heart is your inner signal to run to God. To talk to Him and tell him everything thats on your heart and for you in turn to listen to Him through His word or just to be still. Keep pushing ladies to the greater that God is trying to get you to.