Parent Out of Purpose, Not Pain

I recall only one painful moment at the hands of my parents, my mother actually. She called me snotty. I don’t remember what I had done, but I remember the crush in my spirit when my mom called me a name. There may have been other times, but they haven’t stuck with me.

Overall, my parents encouraged me, provided materially well for me and gave me a good moral foundation. They were good parents. My dad has since passed and was only able to see me parent the first of his grandsons. My mom has seen my husband and me in action, up close this year for the six months she lived with us. Without going into detail let me just say she has tried to impose her parenting methods on me, and some of her comments have been painful. She has even caused me to question my parenting skills.

I can only imagine what impact the pain on those of you who grew up with abusive parents has had on your psyche and all your relationships, including your parenting one. I empathize with you; my childhood painful moment still stings a bit and my adulthood painful moments are still fresh. But in all of your pain and mine, one thing remains true: Jesus died to set the captives free. This is more than us being loosed from Satan’s bound but includes us being loosed from our broken hearts, our setbacks, and our letdowns (Isaiah 61:1-3). We know Jesus is the remedy for all our pain, helping us to parent out of purpose instead of pain.

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Mini Me: What Are You Passing Along to Your Children?

The other day on Facebook I saw pictures of these little girls that looked like little women. The cutline on the pictures asked readers if they would dress their daughters in those pint-sized heels, highly decorative stockings, high-rising skirts and bejeweled earrings and necklaces. Of course the answer for many Christians would be ‘definitely not,’ but some of us get pleasure out of seeing our version of a mini-me. We may not want our children physically-fashioned like us, but we may marvel that our children may not only look like us but also cut a look like we do, respond sharply as we do and otherwise behave in our undesirable ways. We may laugh and accept what we see, simply saying, “She is just like me.” Though some of the mini-meism is genetic, some is environmental, learned from observation or from being intentionally taught. Either way we know that our children learn from us. Our job is to make sure that what is caught and taught is biblical, that we are biblically-fashioning mini-me’s.

“Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1—ESV). This is what our attitude should be as we seek to help our children to mature. We should only want them to be like us if we are being like Jesus Christ. And as Jesus Christ grew he “. . . became strong, filled with wisdom. And the favor of God was upon him” (Luke 2:40). So, just as Christ grew, we have to help our children grow spiritually, mentally and emotionally. 

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Teaching Our Kids to Respond to Homosexuality

When a reporter for a national black magazine asked Joshua what he thought about people around the world knowing about his popcorn and lemonade fundraiser for the City of Detroit, he matter-of-factly said, “I’m international.” For Josh, it wasn’t arrogance. He was just telling the reporter his current reality. He’s had pretty much the same nonchalant attitude when news outlets in Canada contacted us and even when he appeared on the biggies, like CNN and ABC World News Tonight and in Time Magazine. I was in awe of God’s move with these, but the one that really made me excited was when a producer from Ellen, as in Ellen DeGeneres, called. Though I don’t watch her show often, I LOVE Ellen.

After talking with us three times the producers decided not to go forward with having us on the show. (Maybe there was too much Jesus talk in the interviews. That would be my fault.) While we awaited their final decision I was excited about the possibility of going to meet Ellen, an incredibly generous, kind and hilarious woman, and to share with her the love of Jesus. Some of my friends thought we would turn down the invitation to appear on Ellen because she is a lesbian. Ellen’s character traits and her being a lesbian were the reasons I wanted to meet her. I may not be going on Ellen, but I think a kid-friendly version of what I planned to say is what we could use to help our children respond to the national and calculated move to normalize homosexuality. 

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