Parenting: A Do-It-All Mom’s Guide: How to Cut Corners & Remain Balanced
With her whole heart, elbow on table and head resting on hand, she turned to me and sighed as we talked about our goals, for us and our children. She wants the best for her child, who has food allergies, so she prepares his lunch the three days a week he attends school. If he goes to school full time “then I’ll have to prepare his lunch every day and that’s more work for me.” Immediately her sentiment resonated with me. This wasn’t a lazy mom trying to get out of work to watch soap operas and talk on the telephone. She was just overworked and tired. And like her, I would love less work.
Sometimes I do less work. At times I toast frozen waffles instead of making homemade pancakes, choose permanent press outfits so I don’t have to iron the boys clothes or play a Veggie Tales DVD over conducting a character development lesson. Motherhood ain’t no joke so if I can cut a corner I’m going to consider doing so, if it’s not detrimental to my children. But here is where we mamas cuttin’ corners may get us in trouble. Perhaps not immediate but in the long run our decisions to do less than the best may have a negative effect on our children. This we have to consider as we seek to make our children not just good societal citizens but good citizens of God’s Kingdom.
What makes a good citizen of God’s Kingdom? God breaks this down for us in Matthew 22:36-40: to love God with all our heart, soul and mind and to love our neighbor as ourselves. But how does this translate into us getting our children to embody these two commands? Well, cutting corners can definitely work against this Kingdom goal so we have to examine our corner cutting and reconsider how we can raise a righteous seed for God and not consistently stress ourselves out.
Consider if your corner cutting
Keeps you from keeping promises—Making promises you don’t intend to keep can be easy when the children are whining and you want them to stop right now! Doing so has you cutting a corner and around it may be an unfaithful mom, an unfaithful child and the exaltation of lies above the hard truth of ‘no’ and, if need be, the work of explaining why.
Happens repeatedly—If you find yourself mostly choosing the instant food above a home cooked meal, sending your children to Sunday school but not studying the Word with them or letting gaming systems and television occupy them instead of you engaging them, then you may have cut the corner of wanting a Daniel but working to create a child full of “the king’s meat” (Daniel 1).
Is all about you—If you usually make a decision that will make life easier for you, you are successfully building your kingdom at the expense of building God’s Kingdom. Granted, some choices that are easiest for you may still pour habits into your children to make them fit for God’s Kingdom, but I believe this is the exception.
If you are cutting corners, I want you to remember:
Perspective—Have the mind of Christ. This is the only way we can endure what may seem too hard for us to do. Jesus endured to the end the death on the cross “for the joy that was set before him” (Hebrews 12:2). He knew in the end that all people would have a way to be reconciled back to God the Father. He had an endurance perspective because He knew His purpose. We can endure the cross of raising our children in a Kingdom way when we focus on the joy of them becoming awesome Kingdom citizens based on the work God did through us.
Purpose—So we must parent on purpose. We can’t go for happenstance or convenience. God put our children on earth for a specific purpose. We have to pick tailored activities and discipline and other methods of dealing with them based on who God created them to be. We can take the guesswork and exhaustion out of our selections by asking God what He created our children for (James 1:5-8). Also we should ask Him when He wants us to put them in the activities and follow His leading. Until we hear from Him, we should avoid putting our children in every imaginable activity in hopes that we find their purpose. We can save time, heartache and misery by seeking God for our children's Kingdom purpose.
Pace—That last point is huge for us to follow so we don’t stress ourselves out. We have to count up the cost of every one of our children’s involvements. Trying to put them in multiple activities without the guidance of the Holy Ghost doesn’t give us the grace we need to withstand the pace of such a grueling schedule and may lead us to take them out of some, if not all, their activities, even ones they should be in (James 4:6-7).
Power—The Holy Spirit lives in us who have confessed and believed in Jesus (Romans 10:9-10). This is the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead. We have power. We are not helpless in raising our children righteously. We have the power to know and execute the plan for our children’s lives (Romans 8:11).
No matter what our children’s ages, our focus has to be on helping to create a clean heart in our children and not focusing on a clean home. I mean this literally and figuratively. We can get so wrapped up in lamenting over our lost lives when our children come into our lives that we refuse to figure out how to embrace the new one that God has blessed us with. We can get upset that our house is not clean or that the abode of our perfected systems—work, relationships and self time—have imploded or we can decide to focus on how God wants us to rework our comfortable places into livable spaces as we raise Kingdom kids. I know this message is less general than most I’ve written, but this message was strong on my heart and I know that those who need this will glean something from it. Truly, children are a blessing and not a burden. But when we don’t have God’s perspective; don’t know our children’s purpose and our role in helping them fulfill it; don’t pace ourselves; and forget we have the power to accomplish what God has given us, we surely will falter. But with all these in mind we can be the mamas God called us to be and set our children on a course to keep the Kingdom first.
Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech instructor & communications coordinator turned full-time homemaker & journalist. The writing of this committed wife and mother who earned her Bachelor’s degree in journalism and a Master’s degree in communication from Wayne State University, Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit News, Newsday (New York), Chicago Tribune, Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry functions, writes and edits newsletters for Christian ministries, and teaches public speaking workshops. Three times a week, she encourages women to lean on God's strength instead of their own through her blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman. She, her husband and three sons attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where they live.
Email Rhonda Smith:
rhonda@eewmagazine.com
Connect on Facebook:
Facebook.com
7 Comments
Reader Comments (7)
Thank you Rhonda. You inspire me.
Thank you, Dr. Michelle. I know you know my sentiments are the same toward you.
I have the worst habit of sitting my kids in front of TV for hours so I can get things done. My mother used to do that with us so it's how I grew up. I know they get too much TV time which is not healthy but I haven't quite figured out how to balance everything yet. I am praying on this Ms. Rhonda. Thank you for your help. Wonderful, wonderful article!
This is an important subject you're covering here because as a 56 year old grandmother of 3, Isee the difference in the way the younger generations raises their children. They give too much to pacify them but not enough to edify them.
I am the queen of alternative activities. #NeedtoGetInBalance
Ebony,
Thank you so much for commenting. I praise God this article was helpful. I'm so glad you see a need for change. Please, whatever you do, don't just cut off the TV. I think you might have a riot on your hands with that method. LOL. I had to cut back TV watching with my children too and what worked was scaling back the time and letting them know that I was going to be scaling back (10 minutes less today, 15 minutes less the next day, etc.). Introduce reading time (have the ones who can read take turns reading to the others), let them paint using water colors, let them color, draw, cut out objects, etc.--anything that they can sometimes do on their own and that can enrich them. You may still be able to get some things done and know that they are being enriched at the same time.
Thank you so much, T.H. You make a good observation about the differences in generations. We seem to be more attached to electronics than previous generations, probably because of the sheer number and availability of them.
@Dia--Are you saying you need to get in balance because you are always offering your children alternatives that work best for you?