How To Set Proper Boundaries For Our Children

Article By Jacqueline Daniels:: EEW Magazine Parenting

In a recent interview with Parade, First Lady Michelle Obama talked about one of her favorite topics: parenting.

With 15-year-old Malia and 12-year-old Sasha growing up very quickly, the Mom-In-Chief, like other Christian moms, is seeking ways to give the right amount of independence, while also setting up healthy boundaries.

“I give them as long a leash as they can handle. What I tell my kids is, I’m preparing you for college and for life,” she explained. “So, having independence, knowing how to set your own boundaries, figuring out how to make that balance [is important].”

Back in 2011, the first lady made it clear that it’s not as much about what they watch, as what they learn from what they see. For example, shows like “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” though most parents I know ban such foolery (Me included!), is not exactly off limits for the Obama girls.

Mrs. O went on the record saying, "I sort of feel like if we're talking about it, and I'm more concerned with how they take it in—what did you learn when you watched that? And if they're learning the right lessons, like 'that was crazy,' then I'm like OK."

Crazy things are everywhere: on the Internet, TV, movies, music, magazines, social networking sites, and the list goes on.

So how can we guide our children (youth and young adults) and steer them away from all the bad stuff competing for their attention?

The most important thing is to lay a healthy foundation for them through the word of God, because where they get their values from will determine what they value.

If we forfeit our roles as primary teachers and models of Godly principles and disciplines, how can we expect our seed to follow the right path?

Furthermore, if we don’t prepare them for independence and adulthood by giving them the tools in the word of God to guide their steps, they will most assuredly veer away from the straight and narrow road.

Here are a few guiding principles I abide by and pass along to my own children, that may be helpful to you also.

1. Entertainment Is Not Education: I teach my own children not to look to celebrities and cultural icons as teachers, mentors, and role models. Their #1 source of education should be the word of God. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

If they are too young to read the Bible themselves, read Bible stories to them and impart biblical principles. That way, as they mature, the seeds you planted in them early on, will bear fruit.

2. What You Fill Your Mind With, Will Influence You: Michelle Obama is right. Limiting screen time is critical. Those who are over-exposed to entertainment, are overly influenced. Granted, a lot of people believe music, movies, and cultural trends are harmless, and have absolutely no effect on the “strong-minded.” While this is not true for anyone—whatever you fill your mind with, will influence you, no matter your age—this is especially untrue for vulnerable, gullible children and youth. They get their ideas about life from their most dominant sources. If that happens to be TV and magazines, expect to

Screen, screen, screen! Go through the history on their phone (if they have one) and computer. Make certain kinds of music and entertainment off limits as long as they are living under your roof. And attach some sort of punishment (like losing technology privileges) to the violation of your rules. They may defy you sometimes, but children are absolutely sure to cross boundaries that you won’t set. Where there is no law, there is no sin. See how that works?

3. Discuss What They Are Seeing and Hearing: One afternoon, my daughter was watching a movie that depicted a girl showing the ultimate level of disrespect to her parents. I didn’t shut the TV off, but I did talk to her about right and wrong ways to communicate with Mom and Dad. We had a good conversation about it and I was able to frame her thoughts about what she was witnessing—a win-win for both of us.

Being too lenient is a no-no, but being realistic about what they will see is a must. Don’t try to restrict everything bad. It’s just not possible, since creators of every form of entertainment do not share our wholesome values.  Rather than trying to keep your children’s heads buried beneath the proverbial sand to shield them from corruption, watch certain things with them. Yes, this takes time, but it’s worth it. Then, discuss it.

Parenting is not easy and no one gets it right all the time. But with these few guiding principles for setting up boundaries in entertainment, your children will be off to a health star and finish in their lives.