Sex & Romance: Your Body Is Not Yours Alone
I was looking at old pictures of myself from my high school and college days. Although I felt like I was awkward and unattractive, looking back on it, I looked pretty great. I would take that body back in a heartbeat!
After 12 years of marriage and 3 children, my body has changed a lot. I used to be a size 8 in my twenties. But these days, I am a healthy 14/16 (and sometimes larger depending on the cut of the clothes). Because of my weight gain and other body changes, several years ago, I struggled terribly with self-consciousness.
I no longer felt sexy or desirable. So I began projecting the issues I had with my body onto my husband. I figured since I didn’t like the way I looked anymore, neither did he. Whenever he gave me a compliment, I told myself he was just saying it to make me feel good, but didn't believe it.
This began a cycle of depriving him of intimacy, covering myself so he wouldn’t look at me, and requiring that the lights be turned out during those sporadic occasions when we did have sex.
I was being absolutely ridiculous and it was taking a serious toll on my marriage.
Things had gotten so cold and mechanical in the bedroom, that my husband finally confronted me one night. He wanted to know what my problem was and why I would rarely allow him to gaze at my body or touch me.
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