No More Comparisons: Embrace Your Uniqueness
A few days ago, I spoke with a young lady who struggles with constantly comparing herself to others. Because she feels that her life isn’t what society tells her it should be at her age, she looks at the life of her peers who appear to have it all together and are doing well, and it causes her to believe that her life doesn’t hold a candle next to theirs. Based on what she sees in other women around her, and in mainstream media, she doesn’t think she’s pretty, smart, accomplished, fashionable, or gifted enough to say that there’s anything special about her life.
My heart ached as I listened to my acquaintance criticize herself. I wanted to reach through the phone and shake her until all of those self-demeaning thoughts flew out of her head, so I could bag them up and send them to the trash pile. Instead, I extended my heart, hugged her compassionately with words from the Lord, and encouraged her by sharing that I knew exactly how she felt.
I once walked in her shoes, feeling inadequate and inferior. I compared myself to every woman I believed had a better life than mine, and in my eyes, everything about me enormously paled in comparison to those around me. Just like her, I thought everyone else was prettier, smarter, more accomplished, more talented, and possessed a greater purpose than me. Whenever I sized myself against others, the end result was always the same – I never measured up. I didn’t look at the lives of others as inspiration to better myself; instead, I used others’ strengths to magnify my own weaknesses and shortcomings. What is so wrong with me that I can’t just be like everybody else? I’d think. I hated those feelings, and my continuous self-criticizing thoughts eventually caused me to hate myself.
Not only did my constant comparing produce self-hate, but also jealousy and envy. I often felt jealous of other women because I didn’t know how to channel my admiration towards them so that it positively influenced me. That’s a whole ‘nother story.
I circled the mountain of incessantly comparing myself to others for many years, and my struggle with depression had a lot to do with the fact that I never felt I measured up to the greatness I saw in others.
But one day I had an epiphany – Who told me that I had to measure up to anyone? Where did I get the idea that the life belonging to the lady next to me set the standard for my life? If I was created in God’s image, then why was I trying to conform to that of someone else?
I had a real Aha! moment.
Here’s what I believe, though it took me quite some time to reach this realization: Comparing yourself to others is equivalent to telling God – who does all things perfectly well and makes no mistakes– that He didn’t do a good enough job when He created you. When you criticize yourself, you criticize what God has made – a perfect you.
Ephesians 2:10 says that we are God’s masterpiece. If God considers each of us His masterful work of art, we should never disrespect His work by treating it as inferior to another. In God's eyes, there is no one better than you. There is not one person on this earth to which you can be compared because everything about you is unique. Your beauty, intelligence, gifts, talents, economic and social status, purpose…your entire life’s plan is unique to God’s design for your life. Just as your DNA cannot be matched or compared to anyone else’s, neither can anything about your life.
You were not created to measure up to anyone or anything other than Jesus Christ, and His principles and standards of holy, righteous living. Absolutely nothing about you is supposed to be anything like anybody else.
You are a unique being.
You were created by a unique God.
You are walking a unique path.
You have a unique purpose.
None of us should fixate our thoughts on the life of others. By doing so, we lose focus on who we are and what God destined us to be. Yes, we should be inspired by others, but we should never feel inferior to anyone.
If you struggle with comparing yourself to others, I encourage you to seek the Lord for help to concentrate on becoming who He created you to be, and not who you think you ought to be, based on the lives of those around you. Ask Him to give you security and peace in who you are through Christ so that you will be able to resist giving excessive thought to what others are doing, and focus on the unique, unlike any other, plan of purpose He has for your life.
May you be encouraged to do as Galatians 6:4 (The Message) admonishes – “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that…Don't compare yourself with others.”
8 Comments
Reader Comments (8)
I used to struggle with this really bad. I was teased a lot in school for being a little on the thick side and because of that, I always felt like an outcast. Getting to know who I am in Christ and not in others peoples eyes and opinions has been very helpful for me.
WOW! I ma dealing with this now, very good article, glad I ran across it. I know a closer relationship with God will be key in my overcoming this.
Hi, Ms. Terrell! Thanks so much for reading and sharing your testimony of how the Lord is helping you to overcome comparing yourself to others. Continued growth and strength on your journey to embracing who you are in Christ.
TDHOLLOW, Praise God that He led you to this article as you're dealing with this very issue right now...He always meets us at our exact point of need. My prayers are with you as you draw closer to God so that you will find the courage to know that you are a wonderful, unique individual, created by a God who does ALL things perfectly well.
Love & Prayers to you both,
LaKeisha
thank you. i am ALWAYS doing this all my friends are finished school and im like a turtle, my life is NO where near what anyone in my fam had hoped and i can't simply be satisfied with who i am because someone told me who i am is less than others, i am less talented and ugly and somehow what i got is unacceptable. then i started to get jealous but i just want to be happy with me and where i fit in. i dont want to jump through anymore hoops no more being lied to i want to know who i REALLY am.
@so beautiful - You are beautiful, and all of those things you've been told are lies. The Lord is the one who orchestrates your life, your identity is found in Him, and you are enough in every area of your life because God says so. May the Lord open your heart and mind to who you are in Him.
Hugs & Prayers,
LaKeisha
So Beautiful, you are who Psalms 139:13-14 says you are!!!
I can remember comparing myself constantly as a young girl, because my daddy always put me down, telling me just how "bad off" I was. Most days, I wished I were never born. This struggle continued throughout my teenage and adult years. Finay, I am coming into myself, accepting what and who I was created to be. However, I still struggle with not comparing my life to others' life. I look at some classmates and wish I'd become as successful as they have. I have even run across people who have graduated behind, now leading successful lives. So, I begin to wonder, "What did I do wrong? Why are they successful, and I am struggling, even with two degrees?" I need much prayer to improve in this area. I do not feel jealous of these people, though. I wish them continued success, but, nonetheless, I still wonder why I am not more like them. Maybe in the future, I will be able to put these feelings of inadequacy behind.
Anyway, though, great article!
Correction: Finally, I meant. Forgot to proofread before posting.