A few days ago, I took to my Facebook page to share my heart with my friends in regards to how I was feeling, as that particular day marked eight weeks after experiencing one of the most traumatic situations I’ve ever encountered.
Here’s what I posted:
It's been 2 months since the devastating loss of our sweet pea, and what a journey to restoration and healing it has been. I am grateful that the Lord's grace has sustained us through it all, and continues to be the glue that holds us together through all of life's unexpected changes. Though this has been a tough season for me, I would not trade it for the way I've grown closer to the Lord and increased in faith, strength, wisdom, and prayer. I've learned so much over the past two months - about life, God, myself, my marriage, purpose, grace, and the list goes on. I'll share a few with you...
1. There is no pain deeper than the power of God's ability to heal.
2. I am much stronger than I think.
3. Broken does not mean destroyed.
4. Struggle reveals the strength of a marriage.
5. I have an extremely amazing husband who adores me and deeply cares about my well-being.
6. Living in obedience to God's plan of purpose will sometimes lead you through the valley of the shadow of death, but you will not die. It's only a shadow, and is cast away by the light of God's love. His light will lead you through the valley.
7. The glory will far exceed the grief.
8. The Word of the Lord is a refreshing spring of living water that revitalizes a thirsting soul.
9. Though life may knock you down, with God, you'll rise again.
10. Your despair does not discount your destiny.
I continue to heal. God continues to shower me with grace. I continue to trust in Him. He continues to prove His faithfulness. The journey continues...
God is steadily restoring, rebuilding, and refreshing me as I journey on in recovering from the pain, loss, and heartache this season has brought upon my life. Though I could’ve allowed myself to become bitter and angry with God, I choose to be brave and look deep into the pain to find the lessons and wisdom I can gain. Furthermore, I’ve made the choice to apply those lessons to my life as I continue to move forward in fulfilling God’s purpose for me, and to share the wisdom I gain along the way with others. For me, that’s what the current challenges of my life inspire me to do.
It’s easy to get stuck on the hurt and disappointment life often brings, but I don’t believe that is the intent of God’s purpose for allowing us to experience tough times. Sure enough, we definitely feel the pain; however, since God does not find pleasure in causing His children to suffer, He apparently has a much bigger plan.
I remember while in the rawness of trying to cope with the loss of our baby, the last thing I wanted to hear anyone say was, “God has a purpose for your pain, Keisha.” The mature Christian in me knew that was indeed true, but the grieving mother in me could not at all see the purpose for such pain. But you know what? At the end of the day I had to allow my faith to override my feelings. I had to (And still do!) constantly remind myself that the glory which would come after my healing would far outweigh my grief. Afterall, I firmly believe the Word of God, and in Romans 8:18 it says “Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.”
Even when suffering seems so purposeless, we must be ever aware of the fact that God is purposeful in all that He does. Though the point of it all is often hard to see, He does not waste any moment or situation in our lives. Everything we experience, no matter how bad it may be, works for good in some way. If nothing else, the testing of our faith produces endurance (James 1:3).
When I’m faced with adversity or suffering, my initial response can be a lot like Paul’s when he had a thorn in his flesh – Lord, take this pain away! (2 Corinthians 12:8) But if God always shielded me from suffering or immediately took the pain away upon my request, I’d miss out on all of the valuable lessons, priceless wisdom, and increasing of faith it comes to produce in me. I’d never mature in Christ, or develop into the person He needs me to be so that His glory may be revealed through me. So instead of begging God to take the pain away, I’ve learned to ask Him to show me what I can take away from the pain.
I am learning all the more that when put in God’s hands, pain does produce purpose; the deepest misery develops powerful ministry; tests become testimonies; and the messiness of life turns into great messages of hope, healing, and restoration.
I know the divorce, the loss, the church hurt, the abandonment, the betrayal, the gossip, the lies, the disappointment hurts like crazy. But you know what else I know? If you’d elevate your mind above the sting of it and look for whatever it is the Lord intends for you to learn from it, not only will He heal you, but you’ll come out it much stronger, wiser, and better than you were before you experienced it. Ask the Lord, what has this suffering come to teach me? God’s grace will sustain you as dig deep to discover His answer.
I’m a witness!