Make a Decision to Be Better

By Y'Vette Harris:: EEW Magazine Motivation

Being a volunteer for the Boys & Girls Club of America has enriched my life in countless ways. I get to make a difference in the community by giving back and helping young people grow.

I’ve been doing it for about four years now, but I remember a time when I was of no help to anyone, because I needed to get myself together.

Even in my less structured days, volunteering was always something I wanted to do. So, in 2009, after months of hearing about an opportunity to help out urban kids, I connected with the small nonprofit program responsible for offering resources to the community.

I marched in there, filled out the necessary paperwork, went through the 4-week training program, completed the background check, and officially began volunteering.

I was thrilled.

The activities everything about the organization—even the challenges—exhilarating. I was making a difference and using my gifts to be a blessing. For me, there was nothing better.

The kids took a liking to me. We bonded and they responded well to my instructions and counsel. We were like a family.

But after several months of consistency, my enthusiasm waned. I lost some of my motivation. Instead of showing up on time, I was tardy, at first, by a few minutes and eventually, by a half hour or more.

Instead of taking responsibility for my lackadaisical behavior, I came up with other excuses to absolve me of any blame.

Weeks went by and tardiness turned into absence. I started calling and apologizing for not being where I was supposed to be, finding creative ways to justify my non-committal behavior.

Eventually, I was asked to leave the program because the organization needed steady workers who could provide a sense of stability for the children, many who suffered from fear of abandonment. They had lost parents to drugs, prison, and other unfortunate circumstances. The last thing they needed was to get attached to a person who had no intentions of sticking around.

I remember how badly I felt after squandering the opportunity I once was so happy to take on. It was a hard pill to swallow.

Though I didn’t want to admit it right away, it was my pattern. By that I mean, I would start things well and fizzle out midway through the process.

After some serious soul-searching, though, the truth emerged.

I was not happy within and was looking for something outside of me to validate me and make me feel worthy. Big mistake! Each time I came across what looked new and exciting, once I became involved, before too long, I was restless, depressed and unmotivated again.

Clearly, I needed to work on me.

It was time to get my life together: finances, health and career—everything. It wasn’t just one area that was out of whack. I was a mess.

Making a decision to pull it together was hard at first; improving meant I had to be honest about my mediocrity and self-destructive behaviors. I knew I was limiting myself by slacking and procrastinating. But until I was ready to change it, it stayed the same.

Today, I can truly say I am much better, but not perfect. I continue to grow in my journey daily.

So let’s talk about you. If you can relate and you know you need to make some adjustments, I recommend these three things.

The good thing about wisdom is that you only need to ask God for it and He will give it to you freely according to James 1:5. He knows all about your troubles and shortcomings and wants to help you overcome them. But without His guidance, becoming better is impossible. So, before you do anything else, seek God through prayer and be open to what He leads you to do.

As long as you justify poor choices, you give yourself permission to continuing making them. You must be honest and real with yourself, and deal with your hang-ups and mess-ups. When you decide that a behavior is inexcusable, then you can make real steps toward change.

Whenever we get ourselves into a rut, the easiest thing to do is implicate someone else. It’s the old If they had done A, B, C, then I would have done X, Y, Z, logic. But our choices are ours alone. We must take full responsibility and put the blame nowhere else, except where it belongs: at our feet. Being culpable or accountable forces you to look inside for answers.

Once you release your two biggest crutches: excusing the behaviors and blaming them on someone else, you arrive at the place of forward motion. When you look back on mistakes and poor decisions with a clear view, you can use that perspective as a compass to point you away from wrong choices and move you in the direction of wisdom.

Remember, you cannot change the past. What’s done is done. But you absolutely can chart a new course for the future with the help of God. Pray, be authentic about it all, and put in the work. Change will take place.