The gala affair was extensively covered by Essence Magazine and attended by a veritable who’s who of celebrities. But the lavish wedding celebration for 19 –year-old Sarah D. Henson, daughter of Bishop T.D. Jakes, who married Robert Henson, former Washington Redskins linebacker in 1998, meant nothing when the marriage began crumbling from within.
Now, after only 4 years, the wedded bliss has turned hellish and Henson is dealing with the reality of divorce at just 23 years of age. “As much as I wanted my marriage to last, it cannot,” the mother of two said in a public statement. She told the public she has “biblical grounds” due to “multiple infractions over the course of the union,” as reasons for the filing. Read the full official statement here.
But her story is not uncommon.
For many Christian couples, the fairytale turns into a sad tale. To be more specific, an estimated 33% of Christian couples’ marriages end in divorce according to recent Barna Group research. Numerous factors like infidelity, domestic violence, drug addiction and other complex issues are often insidious culprits in the demise of what many start out viewing as the most likely to last relationships.
Damita and Deitrick Haddon recently announced their divorce which Mr. Haddon takes responsibility for, saying he prioritized ministry above his relationship. Juanita Bynum and Bishop Thomas Weeks III split over domestic violence. Paula and Randy White broke up over substance abuse, emotional issues, and the pressures of public ministry. Jamal Harrison Bryant’s philandering ways and adulterous affairs caused his wife Gizelle Bryant, to say enough, and the two parted ways. Pastor Benny Hinn’s wife Suzanne Hinn, filed for divorce, though the two have since reconciled. It has been revealed that Mrs. Hinn’s longtime addiction to prescription pain pills led to her erratic behavior.
In June 2011, Christian Certified and Executive Life Coach, Valorie Burton, opened up about her own painful divorce in her book, “Where Will You Go from Here? Moving Forward When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned.” Though she has chosen not to publically disclose specific details, in chapter 1, Burton paints a vivid picture of her distress over the loss of her marriage.
“I can’t stop crying,” Burton told her worried mother on the other end of the phone. “I feel like I’m going crazy. I feel like I’m losing my mind,” she wept bitterly as the grim reality of divorce loomed over her head like a black cloud.
“’This can’t be happening to me,’ I thought,” Burton wrote. “This can’t be the end. But in my spirit, I knew it was. As that reality sunk in, my sobs turned into wails—uncontrollable and loud. If you’d been in the room, you would have recognized the unmistakable sound of grief that accompanies death. In this case I was mourning the death of my marriage.”
Though unpleasant and tough to handle, through the power of God’s word, the Founder of the Coaching and Positive Psychology (CAPP) Institute, who has helped pull so many women out of a horrible pit of emotional despair, used the same principles to escape her own.
No one ever expects to feel the heartbreak of having their marriage break up. So then, how can the 33% of Christian couples that will deal with the overwhelming grief of losing their happily-ever-after handle it?
Burton shared several strategies with EEW Magazine, but one, in particular stood out. The Personal Coach said make this commitment: I will not stare at a closed door.
She elaborates. “I will not stare at a closed door means just that, not staring at a closed door wishing things had turned out differently; wishing you could change things; wishing you could make things somehow different from the way they are; because you can’t. All you can do is turn around and face forward with courage.”
That courage of which she speaks is discovered in the word of God.
“During hard times negative thoughts come into your head and you’re tempted to sink into depression,” Burton admits from personal experience. But after everything is over and you have done all you can, she advises women to keep moving forward and leaning on God’s strength.
“Instead of focusing on everything that’s wrong with your life, all the things you don’t like about your circumstance and how you feel like you just can’t do it, you have to remember what the word of God says. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. You have to have faith and confidence in the word.”
The grim reality is every marriage won’t make it.
But the good news is broken hearts can be mended and restored with the help of God.