I had just turned 16 when it happened, but it would negatively impact my self-esteem into adulthood. All the girls in school warned me that he was “a dog” and would only break my heart, but I was stubborn. I fought for him until the day he did what they all said he would.
As I mentioned in my previous column, no-good men were a weakness of mine from the beginning of my dating life all the way up until God transformed me.
So, this heartbreaking event took place in the hallway after my first period class; it felt like someone had driven a stake through my heart. I couldn’t believe my eyes, or perhaps, I just didn’t want to. But it was truly happening.
There she was, my best friend, hugged up on my boyfriend. Yeah, it was crazy. A big old knot formed in my throat. I didn’t know whether to cry or start fighting.
I did neither.
When the two noticed me standing there looking like a deer in headlights, they only appeared slightly startled, but no apologies were offered up. Instead of acknowledging wrong, my supposed BFF silently stared at the floor. And the boy I thought loved me before I went to science class that morning, suddenly lashed out.
“She’s prettier than you anyway!” he yelled, before pointing out every single flaw he saw in me.
And it didn’t help that all my friends (and enemies) were standing around watching this, laughing and following up each single insult with a collective “ooh.” You know what terrible instigators teens can be!
I felt like I was stuck in a bad dream sequence and couldn’t wake up. Then, when he put his arm around her and sashayed away, my self-esteem ended up stuck on his sneaker sole, where it was drug all the way down the hall like a soiled piece of toilet paper.
Being betrayed by the love of your life and losing what you thought was yours is painful at any age. But when you’re in your teens and still trying to discover who you are, it is simply devastating. At least it was in my case.
Although I have long since put that whole immature drama to bed (It was very traumatic at the time, though!), there is a reason I shared it here today.
Many single women, just like me, can pinpoint the moment some guy or other insensitive person made them feel ugly or valueless. We know that, without the proper tools and knowledge necessary to assuage the grief and hurt, we sustain lasting mental and emotional injury.
Harboring and nurturing an internal wound is the worst thing to do, because it grows worse as the days, weeks, months and years roll by. That’s how something that happened 1, 5, 10, 15, or even 20+ years ago, can haunt us forever… unless we draw a firm line in the sand, saying “No more!”
We must decide to love, embrace, and celebrate ourselves despite the wrongs we have suffered. I know this, because I have been through an awful lot. But I refuse to be a helpless victim, controlled by previous lovers who turned out to be heartbreakers.
God has set me free, totally and completely. And in 2013, by the grace of God, I can honestly say, I like me. I embrace all that I am and accept that, what God has given me to work with, is enough. Anyone who doesn’t see that is not worth me exhausting myself to prove it to them.
What about you?
Can you recall the moment, if only temporarily, you stopped liking yourself? Did anyone or anything ever strip you of your sense of worth? Have the actions or words of someone you trusted in a relationship communicated to you that someone else was, perhaps, prettier, more worthy, or somehow better than you?
By now, prayerfully you know there is nothing wrong with you except that you allowed the wrong person to diminish your value.
But we all, with the help of the Lord, can make a decision to take the power back. We can celebrate who we are instead of mourning who we are not. We can work what we’ve got and look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “I like me,” and really mean it.
These days, God has a group of single, saved, and satisfied sisters who will not let society, men, or unrealistic standards shape their identity.
Their motto is, “If they can’t see my worth, they’re not worth my time.”
And one of them is reading this column right now.
I’ve shared and I would love to hear your experiences and thoughts. Your comments are always such a blessing to read!