As a woman who is very open about my history of engaging in sex before marriage, it was a huge change for me to adopt a celibate lifestyle once I gave my heart to Christ. I didn’t grow up going to church and learning about the value of my body and knowing my worth. My examples of womanhood, for the most part, looked much different from what the word of God says.
For a long time, I didn’t realize it was even possible to carry on a happy and healthy relationship without sex being a part of it. Waiting was a completely foreign concept to me and honestly, I thought it was a recipe for disaster.
Though I am not proud of my misguided years, I do not hide them because I know many women out there are still trapped in wrong thinking.
When I was, for so long, where they still are, I could not for the life of me wrap my mind around the idea of not sharing in physical intimacy as an overall part of figuring out if I had chemistry with a person. It was the age old “Try the shoe on before you buy it” theory and it made complete sense to me. My girlfriends and I thought our men needed to be able to show that they could please us sexually before we gave ourselves all the way over to him emotionally.
That was then.
After the Lord saved me from sin and destructive habits, and renewed my mind totally, I began living according to His word. So I adopted a celibate lifestyle.
The change, however, required that I surround myself with others who were striving to live righteously according to God’s word. My old friends were not at all interested in my “weird” new ideas and philosophies. Some of them could no longer relate to me. They called me a “nun,” a “prude,” and a “holy-roller.” Even though I chose to walk away from those unhealthy friendships, even if I didn’t, the relationships would have eventually dissolved simply because we had nothing in common anymore.
I remember searching diligently for inspiration and encouragement from other women who had successfully given up their sexually active lifestyle to wait for their God-sent husband. I wanted to read, hear, and see as many examples as possible.
In my quest, I ran into a lot of women who told me how sex before marriage is a sin and it defiles my temple. While I knew those things were very true and supported by the word of God, I was still looking for practical answers in addition to what I read in 1 Corinthians 6:12-20. I yearned to see a woman who had been broken like me, really broken, and discovered that a sex-free lifestyle was better, beyond hell fire and brimstone.
Thank God He sent women into my life that were not ashamed to be honest about where they came from. Some of my mentors were discovered in my local church and community. Others I found through Christian resources recommended by the spiritual leaders that helped me grow and change by the grace of God.
I still enjoy hearing from people who are now walking in purity.
That’s why I made sure to watch the video interview where Christian actress, Meagan Good, talked to “Voice of Hope” about no sex before marriage. A friend of mine from church emailed the link to me. I listened very carefully to what Good, who married preacher and Hollywood executive DeVon Franklin in June, had to say about the benefits of celibacy. "One of the things I noticed right off the bat is I had more clarity, I had more self-worth, I had more peace of mind and I just was a lot more relaxed and sure of myself… and also more sure of his feelings for me, " she said. “It just made everything a lot easier in the sense of trusting that, ‘Wow, this is an awesome relationship. This is God-sent.”
According to the “Think Like a Man” actress, waiting for sex helped avoid unnecessary confusion, drama, and negativity in the relationship. “There was no confusion,” Good shared. When you bring sex into a relationship, you bring confusion into the relationship and it becomes about possession over that person’s body,” which she believes leads to obsessive and unhealthy behaviors.
Meagan Good is a true example of how possible it truly is to date and wait for sex, and make such a big adjustment.
Though I am yet waiting on God for my husband, I can honestly say taking sex out of the equation has helped me avoid falling into the arms of men who are after only “one thing.”
Saying no to getting between the sheets has been a very positive and effective way to weed out the shady players seeking to take advantage of me. Celibacy also helps me focus on getting to know people for who they are, instead of being mesmerized by what they can do to satisfy my fleshly lusts.
Waiting has been a tremendous blessing in my life!
What about you? What are your thoughts about the benefits of waiting beyond hell fire and brimstone? What words of wisdom can you share about this subject?