I felt very uncomfortable about the awkward conversation.
It all started at a restaurant for my cousin’s college send-off party a couple weeks back. Everyone was laughing and talking when a female family member asked, “So, Ms. Ashley, who are we dating now?”
I had just put a huge chunk of cake in my mouth when the question came out of the blue. So I put my finger up, signaling that I needed her to wait a minute; quickly chewed, and then gulped the sweet dessert down. Immediately thereafter, a knot developed in my throat from swallowing too fast, or maybe it was a result of nervousness. Either way, it was uncomfortable to publicly talk about my dating life in that setting. A lot of people were present, especially those who knew me way back when.
So I slurped down some water to help move the mass out of my esophagus.
Once I put down my glass, I simply replied by saying, “Oh, uh, no one…right now.” I could feel my face flush. I was sure I was beet red.
I silently prayed that the conversation would be left right there after I revealed my single lady status. But God didn't answer that request because she just kept on pressing me.
“Oh, c’mon. You’re always dating somebody,” she laughed dismissively, making it clear that the idea of me not having a man on my arm was ludicrous in her eyes. About ten others in our reserved room burst into laughter, nodding in agreement.
“It’s actually been a long while since I dated,” I said, trying unsuccessfully not to squirm. Being mocked and given the side-eye is not fun. “I’m just being alone with me right now.”
While raising her eyebrows, with a smug grin, she asked rhetorically, “I suppose that’s code for ‘I can’t get a man?’”
Again, laughter... and then the room grew silent as if they all were waiting to hear what I would say next. You could have heard a pin drop. Everyone’s gazing eyes were burning holes through me. In my mind, the restaurant had transformed into a courtroom. I was suddenly on a witness stand being interrogated by a lawyer who was following a prejudicial line of questioning.
Quite honestly, I wanted to slink beneath the table to avoid having the conversation at all. But I resisted the urge to deliberately slide out of my chair. Instead, I cleared my throat and said, “Actually, I’m not dating anyone because I don’t want to date. I’m focusing on getting me together right now, strengthening my relationship with the Lord, and I’m content with that.”
She rolled her eyes, which made me feel somewhat confused. Why was this family member picking on me? I wondered silently. It wasn’t until I was driving back home that I had time to really consider all that had happened.
As I mentioned earlier, a lot of the people at the party knew me way back when… before God did a work in me. I’m a very different person now, but, because they don't necessarily believe in the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, trying to convince them was fruitless.
The old Ashley was constantly somebody’s girlfriend or “wifey.” I didn’t know how to be alone. I thought I needed a pair of arms to hold me at night, a pair of lips to kiss me, a pair of hands to caress me, and sweet nothings to validate me. I didn’t know who I was without a man in my life and that was a problem. After each break-up, I found myself waiting not-so-patiently for another “Knight in Shining Armor” to come and save me from singleness.
Social conditioning teaches us to view not being in a relationship as some sort of curse or plague.
But now, I see it as a blessing.
I am content with my singleness.
Before I had this extended dating hiatus, I didn’t really know who I was. It makes me sad to say it, but my mind was so controlled and my esteem so low that I once needed a man to make me feel like I was worth something.
But that’s where I was then. By the grace of God, that isn’t true any longer for me. Some of you reading this right now have the same testimony.
You, just as I do, get your sense of value and worth from Jesus Christ. He continues to fill every void. He has transformed your thinking and given you a renewed sense of who you are.
Right now, you can truly say, you are satisfied with Jesus and it is an amazing place to be! If you're not there yet, if you stay before the Lord, you'll get there.
As a single woman, you can discover this satisfaction by realizing that no natural man can add to your life what a man called Jesus can. He will fill you with joy, confidence, love, peace, and a true sense of purpose.
Then, when God sees that you are content in your singleness and whole within yourself, in His perfect time, according to His plan, He will bring along the right one. When God does that, you'll be ready. You will be so secure in yourself and prepared to embrace the divinely sent person who complements, not completes, you.
In the meantime, be steadfast, unmoveable, and patient with God's process. James 1:4 ESV says, "And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
How did this article minister to you? Please tell me in the comments section.