I was cleaning out my closet the other day, which turned out to be a mammoth task, when I found some old boxes. There were lots of things stuffed inside each one: old receipts, keys, buttons, coins, and lots of other useless odds and ends.
One particular shoebox I opened was labeled “IMPORTANT NOTES” and contained old letters and greeting cards I had not seen in years. So I sat down on the hardwood floor of the small space overflowing with storage, most of which needed to be junked, and started opening up some of the neatly folded notes.
As I skimmed over them, I was shocked to see that quite a few of the messages dated back more than 8 years! Several notes were from ex-boyfriends. Others were from me to me.
85% of what I saw was completely useless and shallow, not even worth mentioning here.
But there was one piece of notebook paper with a huge blotch of blue ink in the center that drew my attention. The corners were stuck together and tinged with brown stains from some sort of liquid that spilled and dried on the paper.
With my legs folded like a pretzel, I carefully pried the edges apart, trying hard not to rip the hardened paper. Finally, I spread the entire sheet open and the first line read, “If you’re reading this that means you survived…”
Those words were written after a bad break-up—one I thought I would never get over. The long letter revealed how distraught I was over my relationship coming to an end.
The funny thing is, when I read the name of the guy I was having a heart attack over back in the day, I involuntarily started laughing. I couldn’t believe I was tripping over him. And when the laughter flowed, it flowed! I’m talking about the red-faced, snorting, tear-jerking, belly-aching kind of cracking up.
The hilariousness of it all just overtook me to the point where you would have thought I was insane, sitting alone in the closet, doubled over at the waist, giggling like a hyena.
The young man I thought I couldn’t live without, at the time, is the one I now know I couldn’t live with under any circumstances. All I could do was wonder, “What in the world was I thinking?”
My mind has changed so much.
These days I have a more mature approach to relationships. There are specific qualities I expect. My standards are higher and are based, not on shallow criteria, but on biblical principles.
I’m personally interested in a man loving God and having the fruit of the spirit at work in his life to support his claims that he knows the Lord. I no longer want “lip service” where he’s saying he is sold out to Jesus, and trying to get me between the sheets the next day. I don’t want Mr. Suave who is club-hopping on Saturday and church-hopping on Sunday.
Years ago, I used to only pay attention to all the ways a guy could romance me, wine and dine me, make me feel good, and “handle his business” career-wise and such. But focusing on those things led me down the wrong path more times than I care to think about.
I was so lost and off focus, but didn’t know it.
I had my long list of requirements: body type, height, complexion, social status, and a bunch of other “must-have” qualities. But my checklist didn’t include a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Of course that’s not surprising, since I didn’t know the Lord myself.
But now I do.
Think about your own measurable growth. Consider all the ways you have changed because of your personal experience, as well as godly wisdom leading you. I’m sure you can even look back on a relationship with an ex and laugh, or at the very least, recognize that he never was suitable husband material.
Being able to look back on your mess-ups and laugh is a blessing.
It’s an even greater blessing to have learned from past mistakes and moved past them.