The subject header of the email sent from an acquaintance read: “I Thought this would be Helpful…”
So I opened it and found a link to an article from Psychology Today called, “Holiday Blues: Single In the City” written by Dr. Robert L. Leahy.
The first paragraph said: "You are sitting at home alone, no one to share your Christmas spirit with. All alone, you wonder what is wrong with you. You dwell on past holidays when you were with that one person who mattered-who is no longer in your life."
Wait, wait, wait one hot minute!
Immediately, I felt myself getting upset. But my frustration wasn’t with my singleness this holiday. Instead, I was sort of aggravated by the other person’s assumption that I was struggling with the season God has me in right now when, in fact, I am perfectly okay with it.
I'm not sitting around crying, eating ice cream and singing "Single Bells, Single Bells, Singles all the way..."
I wasn’t always alright, but in 2012, I feel like there’s nothing missing in my life. So I don’t feel particularly sad or gloomy around the holiday season just because I don’t have any “special man” in my life. I know the difference between being alone and lonely. I also know there is nothing divine about being coupled up with a no-good man just for the sake of saying I have someone.
Been there, done that, got the raggedy t-shirt, and I am not interested at all in repeating that mistake thank you very much.
I went through a lot of difficult trials by dealing with men who didn’t deserve me. I made compromises, put up with cheating, and put my sense of worth on the back burner just to feel a warm body next to me.
Never. Again. Ever.
Whether it’s Christmas, Thanksgiving, Sweetest Day, Valentine’s Day, my birthday, or any supposedly “ideal day” for couples, I would rather be by myself than be with the wrong man. As Tyler Perry pointed out through his movie starring Taraji P. Henson, “I can do Bad all by Myself.”
Thank God, by His grace, I’m not doing badly. In fact, I’m feeling better than I ever have. I’m more focused, clear-headed, and content than I’ve ever been. I know who I am.
That’s exactly what I told the person who sent the email to me. I was honest about my feelings and let her know that she shouldn’t pre-judge me and my emotions without checking with me first. I was kind and respectful to her, but at the same time, I didn’t pretend not to be offended initially.
We had a real heart-to-heart. She admitted to making unfair assumptions and apologized, and I felt better.
I told her, there is one thing the Psychology Today article did get right. There was one line that said, “Being single is not a disease. It's often a choice-sometimes a better choice than being with someone you don't want to be with.”
Amen to that.
I didn’t always have that mentality though.
Do you remember an article I wrote called “Content In Your Singleness,” when I told you about a family member who embarrassed me, and could hardly believe I was on a dating hiatus? Well, in that article I said something that I think bears repeating here.
The old Ashley was constantly somebody’s girlfriend or “wifey.” I didn’t know how to be alone. I thought I needed a pair of arms to hold me at night, a pair of lips to kiss me, a pair of hands to caress me, and sweet nothings to validate me. I didn’t know who I was without a man in my life and that was a problem. After each break-up, I found myself waiting not-so-patiently for another “Knight in Shining Armor” to come and save me from singleness.
But now I know singleness is a blessing. It’s that chance to get myself right and enjoy living my life.
God is all-sufficient in my life and supplies my needs. He has given something to me that no man can give or take away: forgiveness, redemption, a true sense of worth, value, and assurance that I am loved by an eternally faithful and good God. And I wouldn’t trade that for the world!
So, I will be wearing a smile on my face this Christmas, because I do have a good man--the best man--in my life.
His name is Jesus.
How do you feel about being single around the holidays?