ne of the young ladies I mentor as a part of our singles ministry has been through a lot. At 17 years old, she was raped by her stepfather and as a result, became promiscuous. Now that she’s 21 and is learning about her identity in Christ, she holds on to so much regret connected to her past choices. “I hate myself for some of the things I did,” she told me one day in one of our sessions while brushing away tears—the only trace of emotion on her stoic, hardened face.
“I’m just angry with myself,” her lip slightly trembled. “I have ruined my future and I’m scarred for life.” As she talked, I fought back tears. I knew exactly where she was coming from and what she was feeling. I could totally relate. Before God did a work on me (that didn’t happen overnight) I looked back on sexual choices, relationship decisions, and compromising situations I had put myself in and just cringed.
I’m going to be honest. I still have to rebuke certain thoughts rooted in shame and regret that try to creep up from time to time. I know that I am forgiven by God, so I have to make sure I don’t hold myself hostage and become a prisoner of my own guilt. Whenever the debt of my sinful past resurfaces, demanding to be paid, I have to declare Jesus paid it already!
Many days and nights when I was at my lowest, I questioned, or better stated, interrogated and maligned myself. I always ended up asking a rhetorical question: “How could you be so stupid, Ashley?” I never had the answer, but the investigation just led me down a road to self-deprecating talk, thoughts and attitudes. I shamed and scolded myself so nobody else had to. I felt unworthy of love and forgiveness, and it seemed like true redemption was too far beyond me. But God showed me sincere love and healed my brokenness in unimaginable ways.
That day, I was silently, but desperately praying for Him to do the same thing for this sister in Christ who sat there baring her very soul.
Then, a light bulb went off in my head and I remembered an article I had printed out from about 5 years ago that I keep folded up in the back of one of my old journals full of soul confessions from the early days of my deliverance journey. The article titled “Release It and Let it Go” was published in EEW Magazine by a writer named Laquinte Brinson.
I made a copy for that beautiful, broken woman and I have reposted it below with permission for any person who struggles with guilt or shame tied to past regret.
It begins below.
At some point, you may have found yourself saying this: Oh but he hurt me so bad, I can never love again. Oh I made such terrible mistakes, I feel like I’ll never be forgiven. They said I’m not good enough, well, maybe they’re right. Oh I can’t get over this, it’s just too much.
Have you internalized all of the negativity that has been spoken to you or about you? Are you still dwelling in the past, constantly beating yourself up over mistakes and failures? Well, it’s time to realize those failures and mistakes add significant substance to your life. They are the building blocks to your success. That’s right, the building blocks to your success… but only if you handle them properly. Learn from them. Don’t dwell on them and wallow in them. Be conscious and cautious of them, not controlled by them.
If you are tired of your past dominating your present, then you must take charge and get yourself together. Stop saying what you wish you would have and could have done differently, and focus on what lies ahead. Are you ready to break free of those things that have been holding you down for so long? If so, then there is only one thing left to do.
Let it go.
Stop holding on to every hurtful situation, disappointment, and negative thing people said about you, did to you, or even what you did to yourself. Again, let it go and release the guilt and shame.
By holding onto your past you only negatively affect your present and future. Don’t you know that clinging to baggage weighs you down? I know things have hurt you badly in your past and every time you try to move forward you are reminded of the pain and embarrassment that it caused you.
But only you have the power given to you by God to let go of those hurtful situations. The catch is, you have to be willing to use it and no one can do that for you. It may not be easy but you can break free by starving the negative thoughts and emotions to death, instead of constantly nourishing past situations and keeping them alive in your present.
If you feed these situations daily with self-pity, you’ll tell yourself: no one has messed up as badly as I did; no has cried as many nights as I have; no one has lost what I have lost; no one has felt the amount of pain that I have felt; no one has been as stupid as I was.
And the more you say things like that and believe them, the more control your negative history has over your could-be amazing present.
Today I am challenging you to change your thought diet. Feed your mind with prayer and the word of God. Then you will realize that you have the power to control dominating cycles, psyches, and factors in your life. Though you cannot change your past, you can restrict it from threatening the present, and choking out your future victory.
I guarantee if you starve those old situations and feed present opportunities you will get over the hurt and the embarrassment.
Ask yourself, “What living thing can survive without the proper nourishment?”
Lack of nourishment leads to death and this concept can work both ways. Either you nourish your hurtful past and starve your dreams, or you nourish your dreams and starve you hurtful past. The decision is yours.
It’s time to reverse your mentality and look at your mistakes, and failures from a positive perspective. Begin to view your past as an obstacle that you have now overcome by the power of God.
When you do, you will see your life take a drastic turn and you’ll be amazed by the new thoughts, mindset, opportunities, and the whole new world that will unfold before you.
2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
That is over. And this new life is just beginning.