his means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" (2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT)
“Girl, movies bother you?” one of the single young ladies from church asked me after an open discussion in a singles Bible study. She smacked her teeth, laughed and then said, “How can a fictional story be taken that seriously?”
I just smirked and raised my eyebrows.
Earlier that evening, we were all discussing the sorts of music, movies, and entertainment single Christians should avoid. I thought it was a very interesting and timely topic, since there were many of the “Single, Saved, and Satisfied” EEW ladies talking about this very subject in the comment section a few weeks back.
During our class, I explained that while I enjoy movies very much, I don’t watch everything. Then the facilitator asked me to name one film in particular that I personally avoid.
“Love Jones” I blurted with no hesitation.
Almost everybody in the room started laughing. A few people high-fived their neighbor indicating they could totally relate.
Remember that 1997 film featuring Nia Long as the photographer, Nina Mosley, and Larenz Tate as the poet/writer, Darius Lovehall? It’s considered a classic and it’s one of the flicks I used to watch all the time with an ex-boyfriend.
It was our favorite.
So when we broke it off, I got rid of the things that were attached to that relationship. Just like old photos, gifts, and trinkets from him had to go, music and movies connected to our time together were ditched too.
I don’t need anything dragging me back down memory lane like what happened to me some time ago. You may or may not recall an article I wrote back in April titled, “Your Mind is the Battlefield.” In it, I shared what happened when I heard Usher’s song “You Got It Bad.”
I felt like I had been sucked into a time warp by the “Ghost of Anniversary Past.” The destination was a romantic celebration at my ex’s place with our song playing, candles lit, wine poured, rose petals scattered, dinner cooked and ambiance in full effect. We even watched the video together on our anniversary night and vowed we would stay together for always.
Our happily ever after never happened, but memories have a way of sticking around long after the moment has long passed. Because I know this, I don’t make You Got It Bad a part of my life. The same goes for other things that fall into that “memory trigger” category.
The young lady I mentioned earlier, who suggested that movies and such should not “be taken that seriously,” doesn’t have insights into my personal life and history. This is why I didn’t say anything in response. She was speaking from a different place and validating her truth, which is much different from mine.
And your truth, your history, your experience, and your past relationships are all different from mine too. Nobody knows you like you and God know you, so no one can tell you what it does or does not take for you to stay on the right path.
I know Ashley’s past is full of bad choices, regrettable sexual compromises, relationships with unworthy men, and memories I would love to forget.
Maybe someone reading this article today can relate to me and understands exactly what I mean.
It’s not that all romantic songs and movies send you over the edge.
It’s that song, that movie, or that memory that has the Love Jones effect. It gets you reminiscing about unsavory things and looking back on moments of compromise, rather than leaving the past behind.
Whatever your triggers are, make sure you acknowledge them and honor them. It makes no sense to know something is your weakness and indulge in it anyway. That just leads you down the wrong path.
If I am aware that Haagen-Dazs ice cream makes me weak, why would I stock my freezer with it when I’m on a diet and trying to lose weight? Makes no sense right?
If you’re holding onto something that is connected to a season of compromise in your life, you’re making it harder on yourself to let go and move forward.
Let that thing go!
Throw those pictures away. Get rid of that CD. Toss those cards and letters in the trash. Junk those gifts or give them away to the Good Will if they’re in good condition and somebody else can use them. Rid yourself of old mementos.
The point is, as single ladies, we cannot afford to nurse and nurture something that needs to die. Anything we feed will continue to sprout up and grow. Let’s make sure we’re feeding our spirit with the word of God and not our flesh with unnecessary and unhealthy trips down memory lane.
Can you relate to this? Are there things you’ve had to give up altogether to move beyond a bad relationship?