started talking so recklessly and negatively about myself after one of my hardest break ups. My self-esteem took a massive hit because I figured there “must be something wrong with me” for my ex to do what he did. He cheated multiple times and that thing tore me up inside.
When we split up, I should have been happy, free and proud of myself for walking away. But for a while, I was in a very low, dark, sad and difficult place. I felt like I must not even be worthy of love.
Every time I made strides and began healing, it was like there was a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me I was treated so poorly because of my own deficiencies, like something was really wrong with me.
I became so depressed and felt convinced that I wasn’t enough.
Perhaps you can relate to what I went through. Have you ever heard this line playing in your head? If I was more ___________________, then he would (or would not have) ______________________________________.
You have to fill in the blank with whatever your “not good enough” story is.
For me, the pain of repeated betrayals turned into a self-critical phase where I would just look in the mirror and see every single one of my flaws. I looked at my body and all my features with a more critical eye. Everything was wrong in my mind.
Body parts were either too small or big, or just plain “ugly.” Sometimes, I honestly would avoid mirrors altogether. They just depressed me and I’d end up sobbing. I was really messed up.
Somewhere underneath that hurt, my sense of worth was buried so deep. I cannot tell you how many times hot tears ran down my cheeks as I stared blankly at myself, fully convinced that I was unlovely, un-pretty and unlikely to ever discover the kind of love I deserved.
But God’s love, His word, mature Christians, and a genuine epiphany changed everything for me.
I got tired of crying, being depressed, and blaming myself for the faults that were not mine. I had to shake myself (with lots of help from the Lord of course) and say, “Ashley, girl stop! Get up from here!” Just because a man who never deserved me in the first place didn’t have the capacity to be who I needed him to be, didn’t mean I should spend the rest of my life punishing myself.
I deserved to live again.
I was sick of being dead inside and nursing old wounds left by a person who had moved on with his life. Why hadn’t I?
Why was I stuck in No-one-loves-me-ville, boo-hooing, cramming my face with ice cream and mourning like someone had died?
One night, desperate for some relief (any relief for my tortured soul), I read a Bible study lesson one of the women from church gave to me. It was based on Isaiah 49 and expressed the unfailing love of God for His people. Verse 16 really jumped out at me when God said, “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands…”
The sheet printed out read, “When others forget about you and leave you broken down and hurting, God never does. He can’t get you off His mind and He’s madly in love with you.”
My spirit absorbed and soaked up those words like a thirsty plant drinks up water. For 21 day straight, I read that same lesson. I needed to be reminded constantly that I was loved, treasured and valued.
With time, God’s word replaced my negative words. He showered me with love and validated me. It didn’t happen right away and some days it was more of a struggle than others. But instead of sizing myself up and zoning in on what I didn’t like, I talked His words instead.
I'd say: I am beautiful. I am worthy of love. I am created in God’s image. He loves me the way I am. I am enough.
You are enough as well… because God says you are.
Single Ladies Talk Time: So have you ever struggled with your sense of self-worth after a break-up like I did? Has this article been helpful today? What sorts of things were a blessing to you and lifted you up in hard times. I’d love to know about it!