How to Gain Your Child's Respect: Establishing Parental Authority & Discipline

She was asleep on the couch, taking a short rest in the comfort of her own home. This was her bed for the minute but became her last resting place alive after her 14-year-old son shot her because she forbade him to associate with alleged gang members. In another case, a 15-year-old boy stabbed his father to death as the father tried to physically restrain him from leaving the house to hang with gang members. Both these incidents happened a few weeks ago in Michigan but we too often hear stories like this across the nation where children have taken the lives of the very ones who gave them life. What is it that would make a child kill a mother or a father, the ultimate act of parental disrespect?

Barring the child being sexually, physically or emotionally abused or having substance abuse or mental illness issues, perhaps the one reason a child would cuss out, strike at, steal from or kill a parent is simply not respecting their parents’ authority.

“Respect is not given but must be earned,” goes the old adage. Though some of us would like to believe that respect automatically comes with being a parent, that simply is not the case. We see the disrespect with the three-year-old cutting up in the grocery line, the 12-year-old with the attitude at the mall. or the 16-year-old who refuses to come out of the bedroom because of conflict with a parent. We see parents (and we ourselves may) negotiate, ignore or just accept this type of behavior, but this shouldn’t be the case. As our children’s first teachers, no matter how we may have messed up in the past, we have the responsibility to raise disciplined children and that works best when our children respect our authority. We must earn our children’s respect by establishing our authority in their lives. Doing so will curb this ill behavior until it becomes practically nonexistent.

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Seeking Justice for Trayvon Martin: Why Christian Moms Should be Involved

The sweet-faced boy popped up on my computer screen, well at least his picture, the only vision I have of Trayvon Martin, the 17-year-old shot in cold blood by a self-appointed neighborhood watchman in Florida last month. My son was there, sitting by my side, wanting to know who this boy was and why he was on the computer. How do you explain to a 9-year-old that a boy that looks like him, plays like him, is carefree like him, was just walking down the street with some candy and iced tea, got killed just for being him? How do you explain to your boy that a likely fate for him could be the same as that for Trayvon while we live in this crazy mixed up world? How do you tell your black son that to some being a black boy is a threat that many want to get rid of?   

I told him straight, no chaser because nothing can chase the lack of respect for other humans, for black boys in particular, out of this situation and he needed to know that. Joshua needed to know that some people think being a black boy is a crime and law enforcement agents seem to do what they can to put away those who commit that crime. While sharing these harsh realities of living while black, I reminded him that he was beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made black boy, and that God committed no crimes with His creation. The great crime in George Zimmerman killing Trayvon Martin is the lack of respect for authority that has been revealed. While we teach our children about injustices and how to seek justice, I believe they need to understand God’s purpose for authority and how the Bible teaches us to engage those in authority, including when they are wrong. When we violate God’s law of authority, as George Zimmerman did, situations go horribly wrong, even criminal, like with Trayvon Martin.

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Be Confident In Your Parenting: Place God's Word Above People's Opinions

When I became a parent almost 10 years ago, apprehensive and unsure, I looked for sound advice—biblical and practical—from just about anyone. I was counting on others’ years of experience and success to build for me a strong foundation. People gave and I took in all I could about dealing with sickness, sleep patterns, personality issues, spiritual diets, social activities, academic pursuits and, as I’m sure you know, much more. But what took me longer to receive were words from those folks who before giving me any advice (or command) had to tell me in one way or another “Been there, done that.”

Oh, this bothered me and still does. No matter how long you have been a parent, some people when they find out they have been parenting longer than you feel the need to tell you how much more advanced they are in parenting: “I’m so glad I’m beyond that stage;” “I remember that time. God bless you;” and “My kids are grown and gone, thank God” are just some of the phrases people use to knowingly or unknowingly put you in your parenting place. I don’t know if their pitting is to outshine you, seek accolades from you or is just over-exuberance about God taking them through a parenting season they just didn’t enjoy. Whatever the case, I was only able to “get over” these types of statements when God brought to mind 1 Timothy 4:12:

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