“Mommy, please don’t adopt us,” my nine year old said and then began to explain as he saw my brow raise and eye squint trying to figure out what he really meant. “I hope you don’t ever give us away. Please don’t,” he begged as he hugged me around my neck. He said this some months ago after hearing a presentation at my church that had just begun an adoption and orphan care ministry. That was the first time he heard about children being adopted and knew that it entailed someone giving away children and someone else taking them in. After I explained the general reasons why parents put their children up for adoption and that he and his brothers would be staying with us until somebody died, as long as I could help it, he smiled, settled down and started back playing with his brothers. Everything was once again well in his world.
I understand Joshua’s angst; it’s his desire for stability. This is a child’s nature. They like routine: the same stories; the same pajamas, the same "blankie," the same route to school. Any change changes their world and they don’t seem to function quite so well. Such is the case with many of us. Our God is one of decency and order. He had an order for creation and sanctioned order for systems, including the family, the church, the workplace and the environment. When His ordained order goes awry, chaos ensues. Our God is a God of stability and expects us to do what we can to live in it and provide it for our offspring (Just a look at the Proverbs shows us this). But sometimes our world doesn’t go as planned. Divorce happens. Family members die. People lie.
But we as parents, in spite of life’s challenges, have been given the main role of providing stability for our children in the big and little things. Joshua’s angst, which he seems to have over one potential life disruption or another, got me thinking about what Christian parents can intentionally do to make the difference in our children’s stability. We may take for granted how our routines, gestures and other habits keep our children grounded and feeling safe, but with news of celebrity marriages failings, a declined economy and unprecedented school challenges, there is no time like the present to put a greater emphasis on our children’s stability.
Psalm 11:3 says “if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?” We righteous parents can shore up a firm foundation at home so our children will be stable in and out of our homes.
Spiritual Stability—The Bible always has to be our starting point. When you look up the word foundation in Scripture, every reference to spiritual stability points to Jesus or His teachings, whether that be what He taught directly or gave to us through His apostles. Most of my columns give you multiple ideas for providing children with a strong spiritual foundation. Check them out and be consistent with whatever methods you choose.
Mental Stability—The Scripture tells us to tear down imaginations and to make our thoughts obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:3-5). We have to teach our children to do this. I have to really work with Joshua in this area. He will meditate on negative thoughts, allowing them to take him captive to the point of immobility. When he gets like this, he doesn’t even want to speak about what’s bothering him. I have had to tell him that no matter what he’s thinking he can tell me or his dad. No matter what thought he is having we won’t change our mind about our love and belief that he is fearfully and wonderfully made, created for a divine purpose that we are obligated to help him reach.
Emotional Stability—Once I help him stabilize his mind, his emotions follow suit (Isaiah 26:3). When my husband and I have light disagreements about simple things, we sometimes work through those harmless little spats in front of the children. In moments like this, we are completely in control of our emotions and purposely remain in their presence so they can see how to disagree in a healthy, loving way. Of course, we reserve the more intense discussions—those regarding sensitive issues and charged emotions—for behind closed doors to guard the children’s inability to process what is going on and to avert potential damage to their souls.
Physical Stability—This area includes their bodies and the objects that surround them. Because children are a gift from God, I seek to handle my children’s bodies with care and give them what they need. I admit I’m still working on not grabbing an arm when one of the boys does something unusually ridiculous, but disciplining while I’m angry is not my standard method. I also take great precaution with who cares for them in my absence. If I don’t believe they will be physically safe and I want to go somewhere, I simply squash my plans. Though we recently bought the boys a gaming system, we emphasize that such objects can never be the source of their contentment. And I don’t hesitate to take away or refrain from buying any toys or clothes that skew their ability to think and exhibit the Fruit of the Spirit. By emphasizing love and concern for each other, quality time and fun, we seek to make any locale one of refuge and peace even without physical objects.
Regardless of the changes our lives bring, if we consistently focus on God’s word to help us provide the stability that our children need, indeed we are parenting to keep the Kingdom first.
What are your thoughts on stability? What are methods you employ to provide it for your children?
Rhonda J. Smith is a former college speech instructor & communications coordinator turned full-time homemaker & journalist. The writing of this committed wife and mother who earned her Bachelor’s degree in journalism and a Master’s degree in communication from Wayne State University, Detroit, has been featured in The Detroit News, Newsday (New York), Chicago Tribune, Daily Tribune (Royal Oak, MI),Guideposts, and Charisma Magazine.
Rhonda frequently speaks at ministry functions, writes and edits newsletters for Christian ministries, and teaches public speaking workshops. Three times a week, she encourages women to lean on God's strength instead of their own through her blog, Musings of a (Recovering) Strong Black Woman. She, her husband and three sons attend Evangel Ministries in Detroit, where they live.
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