Porn Addiction: What My Husband's Battle Taught Me

He turned his face to the wall and cried when I discovered his pornography addiction. In our 11 years of marriage, those were the first tears I ever saw him shed. They were tears of shame.

It happened after I came home late from work one evening. He had fallen asleep in bed with his laptop on. Instead of waking him up, I decided to shut down the device when I noticed a naked woman. Initially, I assumed it was a pop-up, but there was another, and another, which prompted a brief search through his viewing history. There, it was revealed that he had indeed been looking at Internet pornography.

I stood there in disbelief, silently crying, and staring at images of impossibly perfect women with perky breasts, small waistlines, and tight behinds. They were seducing my husband and to me, they represented everything I was not.

When I awakened him and revealed what I had already seen, at first, he feigned ignorance, like he didn’t know how they had gotten there. That hurt even more that he would lie to me. But after some time, broken and embarrassed, he relented and apologized through heaves and sobs.

I sobbed too. And I sobbed and sobbed some more.

I felt so betrayed, like he had made a fool out of me. I thought, “How stupid was I to believe he really thought I was perfect?”

He tried to explain himself, but there were no words that could patch up that hole.

I didn’t talk to him for a week. I just cried every time I thought about it. When I finally did break my silence, my first words were, “I always thought I was enough for you. Now I feel like I’m not enough.”

Click to read more ...