Article By Erica Danielles:: EEW Magazine Marriage
I joined a Christian married women’s group and it was one of the worst decisions of my life! I won’t say the name, because I don’t want to create any problems for the remaining members who are loyal and happy, but it was a nightmare for me.
The problem wasn’t really with the group in general, but with a couple of bad apples in the bunch.
I got drawn into the fellowship by a friend of mine who had been having severe marital problems a few years ago. After doing what seemed like a 180-degree turnaround, I told her how happy I was for her progress. That’s when she excitedly shared with me information about this “special family” of women she had been connected to for a while.
Her exact description of their weekly meetings was “a time and place of love, understanding, camaraderie and openness,” which sounded good to me.
Also, I was sort of in a vulnerable place, because I had just moved there after living in the same place all my life. My husband was offered a youth pastorate at a growing ministry, so we packed our things and left my hometown.
This big change left a void in my soul that I was hoping could be somewhat filled by a sense of community. With no children and a fresh transition, I was eager to connect. So having some girlfriends who loved God and could understand personal and marital challenges was an attractive idea.
For the first few months, it was smooth sailing. Everyone was so nice and kind. I loved being around the ladies. They were really sweet.
At the end of each meeting, we all had a chance to open up and share anything in confidence. For weeks, I passed on this. It felt foreign to get personal around strangers. But one night, after sitting through this process over and over again, I was struggling with something at home, and needed to get it out.
So I vented tearfully and received hugs, encouraging words and inspiration from the women. It was a special time of true connectedness. I felt so much better afterward and thanked God for bringing these caring people into my life.
But then, a few weeks later, one of my girlfriends from church began recounting the speech I gave in that closed meeting, word for word. Being that she wasn’t there, I wanted to know how she knew about it.
“Girl, everybody knows about that,” she said, and then told me which two women had been spreading my business around the church. My heart sank. My stomach felt queasy. My head was spinning. They had even stirred some mind-blowing, terrible lies into the mix to spice things up a bit, and run my name in the ground.
I was beyond hurt and angry about it.
When I confronted them, they denied having told anyone anything. When I pressed the issue, they refused to be honest. There was nothing I could do about it. I had already opened my heart to untrustworthy people.
Proverbs 11:13 says “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” Unfortunately for me, I had linked up with gossipers.
This created more stress and strain in my marriage after my husband heard our business being retold to him by one of the ministers. I had really messed up, thinking I was doing a good thing. It was a complete and total disaster.
Before yapping away, I should have prayed Psalm 141:3: “Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.”
My other error was assuming these women were truly my friends, even though I did not know them very long or well. I was thinking, we are sisters in Christ. But they were coming from a totally different place.
I didn’t pray before connecting. I was so desirous of fellowship that I hopped into a situation. That wasn’t wise. Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Even with good intentions, I was that foolish woman tearing things down to the ground!
Wives everywhere have been guilty of this, many, without intending to be.
We get caught up in our feelings and do things that are not advisable, that reflect poorly upon God, ourselves, and sometimes, our marital relationship. But we have to develop a fool-proof formula in our marriages for wise decision-making. It involves constantly seeking God and not moving a muscle until we have the all-clear signal from Him.
A quote I use a lot is “Emotions get you in trouble. Prayer keeps you out of it.”
Be a praying woman. This will keep the walls of your marriage and life secured from being torn down.
Acknowledge the Lord in all your ways and wait for Him to direct you.