I was frustrated that day. It had been a hard week of meetings, tight deadlines, and a few layoffs. Firing colleagues was the most unpleasant part of my job as a senior-level manager.
No amount of flowery language like “downsizing” and “budget cuts” made it any easier. It nearly killed me to look into the pleading eyes and see the devastation on the faces of people being told they were getting their walking papers.
Only a year earlier, I was working hard to get a promotion. Now that I had settled into my new role, I was having major difficulty adjusting. All week, I had been venting to my husband about the stress of office politics and feeling really burnt out. So I decided to come home that afternoon and enjoy lunch with him. He was off for a week on vacation, so it would be perfect, I thought.
When I walked in, dropped my work bag, and headed to the kitchen, I immediately noticed it looked like a train wreck. Eggs were dropped on the floor. Orange juice was left on the counter top with the cap off. Every cupboard door was open.
Being the neat freak I am, this was majorly upsetting. It looked like a food bandit had come through and tried to rob our house! When I walked into the den, there he was sitting on the sofa asleep. Judge Judy was on. He had his feet kicked up on the coffee table with his dirty plate and half-drunk glass of orange juice sitting there.
“Why does the kitchen look like that?” I snatched the remote out of his lifeless hand and flipped the TV off. Startled awake, he looked up at me with red eyes and said, “Oh hey,” rubbing his face and frowing. “What are you doing here?”
“Why does the kitchen look a mess?” I repeated, louder and slower this time. Before he answered, I began ranting on about how “The least you could have done was screwed the cap on the juice and put it back in the fridge!”
He explained that he had forgotten and didn’t realize he had fallen asleep. He also pointed out that he usually tries to straighten things up before I get back, but didn’t know I was coming home early.
“Oh, so you just live like a slob until I come around. Is that it?” I stormed off, knowing my last remark was unnecessary. But I brought the pressures of the office home and exploded, ruining what could have been a peaceful at-home lunch.
Later that evening, when I returned, everything was in order the way it usually is. When I finally got around to saying hello, he responded without looking up from his computer. I knew he was upset about our earlier exchange. By then, I was feeling calmer and more at ease. He, on the other hand, was steaming and let me know he didn’t appreciate my attitude earlier.
It took some apologizing and a little time, but things eventually got back to normal. I told him I would try harder not to mix work and home life—one of my greatest weaknesses.
As women, when we juggle numerous roles, whatever they are, stress-based arguments can cause unnecessary tension at home. We end up taking out our frustrations on our husband and the children. And who wants to be around a grumpy, irritable, snappy woman? This is an area where God is working on me. Perhaps you can relate.
Is stress straining your marriage? If so, here are 5 tips for avoiding stress-related arguments:
Leave work at work: While easier said than done, learn to separate what you do at work from who you are at home. Even if you work from home, set office hours. Give yourself a clear start and end time, otherwise, your roles will collide and create undue stress.
Do a self-evaluation: Whenever you feel tense, before you snap at your husband, ask yourself, “Is this really that serious?” Sometimes there are other things on your mind bugging you. If you get in touch with your feelings, it is easier to sort out emotions and respond appropriately.
Admit that you are stressed: As women, we have a tendency to keep feelings bottled up. But if you never release what’s on your mind through healthy conversation, you’ll end up blowing your top later. Is a toilet seat or toothpaste really worth fighting over? Absolutely not. So admit that you are stressed, vent if you must, and then get back to life minus the dumb tiff.
Pray: This is mentioned fourth, but it is our first line of defense against any attack. A recent study found that women with highly demanding and stressful jobs were at an increased risk of heart attack, stroke or dying from heart disease. It is not healthy to try to handle stress on your own! So ask God to help you manage it all and keep your balance. That way you don’t take it out on your spouse, or worse, experience life-threatening health complications.
Don’t take yourself so seriously: "Laugh more, worry less." That is a plaque I have in my office hanging on the wall next to my desk. It also has Proverbs 17:22 on it: “A cheerful heart is good medicine…” It is there to remind me daily that life is too short to spend it stressed out, unhappy, and in a foul mood. Learn to lighten up and know that challenges face all of us. Instead of giving into the stress, find something to be jovial about, and enjoy a good belly laugh. It does the heart and marriage good!
So how do you manage work and life-stress and keep it from placing a strain on your marriage? Pleas share your thoughts!